My High School, 1914, the Year It Opened
Credit:Jansi. Public domain.
This post was inspired by @ericvancewalton's Memoir Monday prompt for last week. He invited bloggers to recall their high school days and then he offered questions to guide them through this memory. One of the questions was, Were you popular?
What a peculiar place school can be, that such a question has relevance years later. This experience of being popular/unpopular seems to haunt people into adulthood. Think of the movies inspired by it--Carrie, Heathers, Mean Girls--to name some of the more influential.
The first one, Carrie, is a horror movie. The second, Heathers, results in mayhem--murder, suicide and self demolition. The third, more politically correct, results in social chaos, damaged reputations and a fractured spine. In each film, popularity is toxic.
To address @ericvancewalton's question directly: Was I popular in high school? That is not a question that has a clear answer in my case. For one thing, my school was not co-educational, so the element of being chosen by a boy was removed. In each of the movies mentioned above, being chosen by boys was an important part of the popularity formula.
I think the specter of unpopularity is particularly oppressive for adolescents because when students enter high school, usually at the age of 14, they are at the apogee of their peer pressure vulnerability. The structure of high school exacerbates the natural inclination of teenagers to sort themselves according to the relative value of their peers. Schools organize students in groups and hierarchies.
A case in point: A few weeks after I entered high school the principal called me down and told me I would be a class officer because of my GPA. Before I ever met most of my classmates, I was noticed. That gave me a head start on the peer status ladder.
These things matter to kids. They take their cues from teachers, and from others.
Nothing about me would have predetermined popularity. I didn't care about clothes, or fuss with my hair. I was an oddball, independent and peculiar for sure. But now I had the imprimatur of the school authority. The door was open. I was nominated for something else. Appointed to another position. Soon I was making speeches at school assemblies.
I wasn't popular in the Heather sense. Never could be. Never would be. But I was well-known.
My son reminded me of a movie from the 80's that became a cultural touchstone: The Breakfast Club. This movie is all about social hierarchy and popularity. I didn't relate to the types portrayed, but they resonated with a generation.
Here's a picture of me, circa 1963, engaging in one of my not Healther-like activities: playing clarinet in the orchestra.
I'm grateful school administrators saved me from the dustbin of unpopularity, a place I was surely destined to occupy, but it always irked me that school structure, and teachers, had such a profound effect on a student's social standing.
When I became a teacher (not a career I had planned on pursuing), I was acutely aware of this power to influence opinion and status.
Teachers give cues to students about how to treat those around them. It is often the case that the more popular, socially powerful students, are courted by teachers. It's good to have those students on your side when you're teaching a class. It makes things easier.
Meanwhile, reinforcing the social status of students exaggerates their power.
High school popularity. It all came rushing back to me with @ericvanwalton's question. Those years of imposed cruelty, on so many kids. What a waste. What an empty value system. At the heart of it is fear. Fear of not fitting in, of being left out, of being alone. And with that fear comes control, enormous control.
Students use it. Teachers use it.
The magic of my high school career was, I didn't have fear, not of that. There were a lot of things going on in my life. School was simply something I had to do. And I did as little of it as possible.
Frankly, I don't think school is healthy. I think the whole popularity unpopularity issue is a symptom of its ills. There are other ways to educate children, without locking them into tightly organized, regulated structures.
Marie Curie, for example, dreaded sending her daughters into a traditional school. She organized a school cooperative with her colleagues who also had children. They all took turns teaching the kids in loosely organized groups. The children would travel from one place to the other for their lessons. These lessons were punctuated with nature trips.
Tagore and Gandhi at Santiniketan, Tagore's School. 1940
Credit: Unknown author. Public domain.
Or, alternately, how about Rabindranath Tagore? His concept of open school is still practiced in India today. He believed in emphasizing the interest of the individual. Preferably, classes would be held outdoors, and children could take nature breaks when they were inclined. Children sat on mats and were encouraged to explore their ideas through the arts.
I can't imagine popularity or unpopularity being an issue in the Tagore or Curie school.
Children need to be educated. Home schooling is not necessarily the best course for many children. Most parents don't have the skill or time to impart a truly quality education. And, isolating kids from their peers may not be a good idea. Still, I do understand the temptation to avoid the traditionally structured school model.
Basically, I hated school before high school, and during high school I found it barely tolerable. To me it was a prison (check out the picture at the top of the blog...doesn't it look like a prison?). School was an imposed sentence, and a lot of time thrown away unproductively. Study hall? Hygiene? Huge blocks of space that ballooned the day.
As the movies cited in this blog suggest, school is not a good experience for millions of kids. Popular, unpopular? Just one of the serious issues with the institution. Surely, there is a better way.
This is thought-provoking post. The wide variety of pedagogical approaches to education is rich. We have yet to hit the sweet spot given the wide range of issues confronting each community at the individual and institutional level. Not to mention the fast changes in technology in general. The shift during the pandemic years was towards online environments, which in essence is a form of homeschooling. I wonder how successful or not that experiment was. New tech on the horizon will make use of 3D virtual and augmented reality, which do not require physical presence in a classroom. Would this help minimize the hierarchical organization humans are so fond of? Maybe not, but it might provide more choices on how to educate children in a positive enriching environment.
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Hi @litguru,
As much as I hated school, still I benefited from the mentoring of some worthy teachers. I think those teachers helped to make me the person I am. (Is that a good thing?😀). Also, as much as I didn't enjoy the confined space of school, there is benefit to being around other children/adolescents. We have to learn to socialize, to get along, to understand people. It's just, that can be done in a far less restrictive environment. It can be done with more regard to the individual (as Tagore proposed). I don't think AI is a substitute for human contact. And, I think COVID education was very hard on many students. Many suffered a sense of isolation. I know it was hard on my granddaughter. And for those students who come from less rich backgrounds, there is an absence of cultural exposure.
We need school, just not prisons.
I didn't mention AI, but it's a good point. AIs will be even more transforming than virtual/augmented reality. Maybe we need to go back to the basics
I agree about the basics, but I'm not sure I'd like any of them either. Primitive cultures can be quite restrictive in their child-rearing approach.
I really do like the Curie/Tagore examples. Let the child grow, according to that child's needs and interests. I don't know how practical that is. I think some children welcome regimentation (call it structured guidance). A lot of children don't. I think the plethora of movies generated that show discontent with high school is a testament to the schools' failure for some. I am among those. I'm lucky I survived and even have one or two good memories. But, overall, I could have learned so much more if I'd been motivated in the proper environment to cooperate, instead of rebel.
High school is partly difficult because of the changes happening to us as we grow up. I went to an Ontario high school, so the experience might have been completely different from your version of high school. Plus, you were a girl in an era when gender differences and expectations were culturally magnified, so it may not be completely comparable.
Being the clever sort, I had a lot of existential angst in high school and walked around with the weight of the world on my shoulders. This marked me as an outsider. All that angst changed in later years to cheerful engagement thanks to various experiences, including listening to a lot of Beatles music :D
💐
I am not surprised. Not everyone faces those issues so young, but you are a bit more thoughtful than most.
As schools go, mine was actually pretty tolerant. They let me get away with a lot. I was absent frequently and nobody called me out on it. As for the female thing. We were lucky. No males in the school, which meant we were free from superficial competition. Girls do much better, when they are growing, if there are no guys around.
The idea of leadership, for example, was emphasized, which it probably wouldn't have been if there had been guys. We were groomed to be as much as we could be. It was a blue collar school, so most kids didn't have resources for college. And several of the smart girls went on to become nurses, instead of doctors. I found that depressing.
I wouldn't have been happy in any high school. I wanted my freedom, which I got in college. I went to NYU, Greenwich Village during the 60s. Can't get much freer than that.
I'm glad you settled in a comfortable place, eventually. You are remarkably creative, so it is not surprising you felt like an outsider until you found that place.
😋
Well, I, who attended small public schools, always dreamed of a school like yours, hehe. Was I naive? But of course.
The concept of popularity became clear to me somewhat late. I remember once, I was sharing with some classmates during breakfast time, and one of them was very happy to have "joined the popular group". A couple of hours ago, his photo had been added to the honor roll board. That was what it meant to be popular in my high school. Then I had a period of introspection, I guess, and realized that at my previous school, being popular was that too. Teachers treated you better, with deference. I was in the popular group from the time I stepped into the first grade classroom, but I had never realized it. Then in college, I was nobody and for three or four semesters I felt lost. Definitely, school structure affects us in ways we can't see well but years later.
Your essay gave me some food for thought. Have a lovely day, dear @agmoore 🙂
Hello my friend, @marlyncabrera,
This is an interesting discussion indeed. It's obvious the experience of high school, related to the issue of popularity/unpopularity, differs greatly among individuals. The movies I referenced above (and countless others) indicate that this was an issue for many student. To highlight how toxic this could be in school, I will share an anecdote.
We had an honor society in my school, instead of an honor roll. It was my understanding that you had to achieve a certain average in order to be in the honor society. During the first meeting I attended we were voting on new applicants. I always thought admission was automatic. Apparently it was not. I always thought the teachers controlled admission. Apparently they did not, not completely, anyway.
A girl's name was submitted. She was such a quiet, unassuming person, the kind that was generally invisible in a class of my size. She was significantly overweight. She had curly hair that was not fixed in a flattering style, but was sort of flattened to her head. Her complexion was sallow and marked by acne. I knew her from my band class, and she never got into any trouble. Just a nice kid.
When her name was raised, one of the so-called popular girls said, "She smells." I was astonished. It was suggested this unassuming, quiet girl be blackballed because she 'smelled'.
I spoke up. I suggested maybe she had a hormone problem, a medical issue. I was in orchestra with her and never noticed anything. How bad could it be?
That 'popular' girl and her friends persisted. A private vote was held and the young lady was blackballed.
She couldn't stand on the stage with us during our ceremonies. She couldn't have that little mark next to her name on the graduation program.
It killed me. What did that girl think when she was rejected? I couldn't imagine. So cruel, so unfair. That's how popularity worked in my school.
You see how, in a way, the school administration and its structured hierarchy, enabled the dynamic of popularity/unpopularity to have power?
I appreciate your feedback. It is enlightening to share these experiences.
I hope there is relative peace where you are now. My country is rather embroiled in politics at the moment.
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For me high school was one of the best times of my life, I was never popular but I was never interested in being popular either. We were a healthy society because I don't remember bullying, and the most popular girls or boys were the most academically outstanding. I think it was all quiet because I lived in a small town and we were all acquaintances and our competition was who made the honor roll at the end of each term.
I remember that once I made the honor roll, my pride did not fit in my chest and I felt popular during that period of the course. :D
It's wonderful that you have those memories. We need that sort of peace to grow peaceful in ourselves.
I wasn't happy in an academic environment until I went to college. It was a large urban university and allowed great freedom. I'm not a social animal. Being forced to socialize, being locked in all day in a group was hard for me. Plus, I resented the imposed values. School is as much about molding a child to the social values of a community as it is to imparting knowledge.
All in all, @mballesteros, I was a cranky, independent, ornery child. Not suited to the structure of an institution at all :)))
Thanks for reading and for your feedback. It adds to my understanding of how others experienced school.
At least you found peace at the university. For me college was stressful because I studied in college already being a mother and working, in my town there were no colleges so when I was able to enter one I already had a family and many obligations, but I was still able to graduate almost at my 40'.
That is wonderful!!
I went back to school when my kids were small, but that was mostly for self-gratification. I only took one course a semester, and didn't even bother to complete the degree requirements because I didn't want to sit for my orals. Then later, when I was a teacher, I needed that degree to get full certification, so I had to do it all over again while I was working full time and had children. I did it remotely, so that took some pressure off.
Your English is so very good. I'm always amazed at your level of mastery.
We need balance, education, knowledge, skill, etc. If it's only focusing on education which most of the schools usually do, that's when it becomes less enjoyable. But I loved school years.
I'm truly happy that you enjoyed your school career. That is a gift to you.🦋 I wanted my freedom and didn't get it until I went to college. Then I enjoyed school.
Thanks for reading and commenting
After a long time, he reminded me of high school. But to be honest, our time in school is not what it used to be. I miss the time a lot. Currently, the educational institutions have moved us here a lot. Educational institutions are becoming like machines.
I'm very happy you enjoyed your school career. Some people are suited to that environment, that structure. I was not :)
Thank you for reading and adding to the discussion, @kawsar8035
I like the idea of school cooperatives and the open school concept. The current system seems to produce a fair proportion of numbskulls, so as you say, there's got to be a better way.
I didn't play the clarinet, nor was I a class officer, but I was popular with a couple of the more intelligent teachers who no doubt appreciated my sharp wit:)
I don't think I was 'popular' with any teachers. Some of them had a grudging respect for--perhaps were even amused by--my independent streak. For one thing, I objected to homework on principal. In my view, when the school day was over, it was over. They took up enough of my time. I would give token attention to after school work, but only minimally. It's hard for a teacher not to take that posture personally. The more confident ones let it slide. They figured, if I could keep up without doing homework, fine. That's exactly how I felt.
Don't waste my time. :))
So, when you took up teaching, did you set homework?
As I said, I never planned to teach. I 'accidentally' ended up in a school. Had applied to be a part-time secretary and was persuaded to go into the classroom as an aid. Was certified after a couple of years and then taught. It wasn't a usual school. Everyone had a therapist, was under psychiatric care. Low stress environment. No homework. In my class, no surprise tests. I gave them all the questions at the beginning of the week. We worked on the answers all week, by Friday everyone got a 100, or close to it. Those who had trouble remembering got extra study sessions (free!) with me. All my kids passed their state exams, even the long shots.
It was hard. In four years I was so sick I had to quit :))
You sound like the teacher from heaven. No wonder you only lasted 4 years.
I did intend to become a teacher and even enrolled for the HDip. Then I realised I loathed children:)
John Taylor gatto talked quite well and eloquently about the issues with the school system from the educational side. The social side is a whole different ball of wax, especially for girls.
I was in the middle - not popular but had plenty of friends and made them quickly with the people I liked.
We are also battling the school system ourselves - finding the best fit for our son. It’s incredibly complex because there are factors involved we didn’t anticipate and now our ideas are getting thrown out the window every few months lol. Home schooling is great in the right circumstance and eventually will be a good option for us. We tried it but had other things we needed, and will get back to it in a few years.