I had a lot of existential angst in high school and walked around with the weight of the world on my shoulders
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I am not surprised. Not everyone faces those issues so young, but you are a bit more thoughtful than most.
As schools go, mine was actually pretty tolerant. They let me get away with a lot. I was absent frequently and nobody called me out on it. As for the female thing. We were lucky. No males in the school, which meant we were free from superficial competition. Girls do much better, when they are growing, if there are no guys around.
The idea of leadership, for example, was emphasized, which it probably wouldn't have been if there had been guys. We were groomed to be as much as we could be. It was a blue collar school, so most kids didn't have resources for college. And several of the smart girls went on to become nurses, instead of doctors. I found that depressing.
I wouldn't have been happy in any high school. I wanted my freedom, which I got in college. I went to NYU, Greenwich Village during the 60s. Can't get much freer than that.
I'm glad you settled in a comfortable place, eventually. You are remarkably creative, so it is not surprising you felt like an outsider until you found that place.
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