I killed my first houseplant the other day.
I’ve never had that happen before.
Didn’t give him enough water and now Andy's dead and gone off to houseplant heaven.
He was a good houseplant.
I probably should have given him a proper burial out in the compost pile, but I was feeling lazy and so I just threw him in the trash can.
I am not a good houseplant owner.
I will go to houseplant owner hell when I die.
Bandcamp.com/discover/electronic in my head.
Slay, as all the rizz kids say these days.
Silly rizztards.
It's fine.
Everything's on fire inside my mind but it's fine.
Went to the pharmacy to get more of the little white pills that keep me from killing myself, but they told me I will have to wait another week before my insurance will pay their fair share of the drug deal.
That’s a first for me.
I’ve never had that happen before.
I should probably give my pistol to a more mentally stable friend to hang onto while my brain goes on an unmedicated bender.
Wait, do I even have any friends?
Nope.
Bummer.
Should I even own a pistol?
Absolutely not.
Don’t tell my mom I own a pistol.
If I'd owned a pistol that night in January 2019 when I made my attempt, I wouldn't be here today.
Intentional overdose.
Came to in the bathtub.
Beer cans empty pill bottles and a bloody utility knife.
An arm's length away from eternity, said the ER doctor.
Nobody really cares, though.
Born alone, died alone.
And in between, a lifetime of sadness happiness suffering and ecstasy.
Sidetracked.
Blindsided.
As I was on my way out, she was on her way in.
Back from her lunch break, I suppose.
Words fail me.
That’s how attractive she is.
My brain shuts down when I see her.
You know what it's like, right?
Falling so hard for someone that you can hardly talk?
I know for sure now that she doesn't think I'm creepy, even though I'm a good deal older than her.
I just can't tell if she's flirting or being friendly.
It's always tricky with coworkers.
It's more than the mere risk of rejection - it's the added risk of feeling really awkward around someone you have to see several days a week.
But bloody hell, I think this woman is worth the risk.
April is the month I will finally find the balls to ask her out.
I don't care if she says no.
Life is short.
Call in sick.
Quit your job.
Do whatever makes you happy.
Don't ever grow up.
Be a Toys 'R' Us kid.
That's the best way to live life.
In fifty years I'll be dead and none of this will matter.
Tired of typing.
It's too long, anyways.
Goodbye for now.
@chaoticthoughts out.
Today’s stats:
- pushups: 20
- crunches: 20
- steps: TBD
- beers: 3
- Houseplants killed: 1
I knew a guy when I was younger who was troubled like this and sadly he did ultimately succeed in ending his life. I hope that isn’t your fate because there are so many things worth living for, you just have to spend some time to find them and not focus on the darkness so much. Granted there are lots of layers to why people feel these ways that I don’t know but it’s unfortunate the demons some of us possess so strongly.
Yeah. Thanks for the nice comment. I'm a lot more stable now than I was a few years ago. I think some of it comes with age, and also I'm purposely taking steps to live healthier, like drinking a lot less, going to therapy, getting on medication, et cetera. I've lost a couple friends to suicide and it's no fun at all having to process that.
Though I see your posts in the Rant section, your contributions can easily fit into a Poets section as well.
I know you call these rambles, unstructured thoughts...heck: you even call yourself chaotic.
But know that, I have pleasure in reading your writeup's.
Some of the best advice one can give. Not too easy to apply in life, since this essentially means leaving some of our comforts behind us and stepping into the unknow. But acting like that opens the world more in front of us, and likely gives us more pleasure in life.
So true! Tell that to the peeps around us. Too many end up in the tunnels of being an adult, with all sorts of hard and soft rules what an adult shall do or shall not do. But but but, true that not growing up, or at least, not always acting like a grown-up, enhances life nicely and usually gives us the happy vibes we experienced when we were kids.
Thanks for the nice comment, @edje :)
I've written lots of poetry in the past. Maybe I'm accidentally doing it again here. I suppose my stuff could be considered free verse. Kinda like Bukowski.
Maybe I'll add it to my tags :)
Well … NJOY free versing 🎶
Congratulations @chaoticthoughts! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 1250 upvotes.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
stop
Notifications have been disabled. Sorry if I bothered you.
To reactivate notifications, drop me a comment with the word
NOTIFY