Your message makes me feel better. I didn't know about this community, but I'm going to subscribe to it.
In fact, I feel a certain relief to see that the world also doubts, anguishes and is in the shit ^^
I guess that's how Alcoholics Anonymous and other circles work: on the one hand, a person empties his bag and that makes him feel better. And on the other, the others listen and tell themselves they're not alone, and that makes them feel better too.
In short, it's probably all very human.
Coming back to your story, there's something else that touches me: the fact that you and your husband are aggressive. It's reassuring in the sense that at the moment, I'm rapidly losing patience with my girlfriend and with all the things we both have to do (managing our businesses to get by financially, our jobs, all the ongoing missions, the desire to do 1,000 other things, etc.). So it's normal, and it's very reassuring.
As for your dad, I really hope he gets much better! 🙏
And finally, yes, when I leave, before I even think of turning on my van's ignition (since I often leave in one), I wonder when I'll get back.
But once I'm on the road, once I'm in the adventure, I forget all that pretty quickly. I think about it from time to time, of course, especially when life gets tough, but we're not stuck in one place. There's always the possibility of going back on our choices.
Oh yes, all relationships have moments. The trick is to not hold grudges and to apologise, and to come back together after the heat has passed, and to recognise it's not each other, it's the situation. YOu are the shelter for each other's storms.
I love HIVE for the support we give each other. It's one of the reasons I never leave. I can always rely on people to help and say kind things.