My largest weakness is probably my complete and utter disregard for routine. I really struggle to maintain motivation once I reach the point of familiarity with something: a particular location I've walked through extensively. Sitting at a desk for large periods of time. Or simply waking up every day at a specific time. Ultimately, I get bored of doing the same things over and over. And this boredom sets in very, very quickly. Though, at the back of my mind, I have the voice that forever tells me to be productive. To get up and stop wasting time being idle. I'm aware that time is constantly passing, and instead of doing things I end up doing nothing simply out of boredom.
As you'd expect, nothing changes. And thus I remain unhappy with the day and lack of general achievements made. That said, I'm also someone that certainly doesn't believe that every day should be one that is you at your peak performance. To consider every moment as one that could be spent on something productive and essentially placing yourself into this area of being nothing more than a worker drone that performs action after action without really much regard for anything else. I think breaks are good, and that we should ensure our lives are spent with some consideration for relaxation and taking a step back to look at what's most important in our lives.
The problem with me, however, is that I struggle very much to escape the relaxation. I reach periods where I'm at my peak, being as productive as I can be and I'm enjoying every moment of it, and then out of nowhere my brain snaps back to the realisation that I'm bored of it. I'm no longer content with just sitting around and looking at a screen. Or perhaps the place I've been walking around has grown stale and all too familiar to me for me to enjoy it much longer. I consider myself to be someone that has a plethora of hobbies and interests, as well, but ultimately I fall into the mindset that none of them are all that appealing suddenly.
This year I started to learn to draw. I have never been good at art, but the idea of being able to draw is one that really appealed to me suddenly. I love starting a new hobby and feeling the challenge of something as I learn and slowly progress. I'm not too bothered by the challenge of things, but it's the action of starting that I struggle with. I've spent a lot of time drawing and learning and practicing, but sometimes I reach this wall: what do I draw? My mind roams around an empty warehouse in search for ideas and ultimately nothing is found. So nothing is done. I am the same way with writing, too. I love to write, especially about travelling and filmmaking. But sometimes I just don't know what to watch. Or I don't know where to go.
I find that too often I accept that I don't know what to do, and instead of finding something and forcing it, I allow myself to become idle and do nothing. Then, much later, the realisation that I allowed myself to do it hits and I feel that need to begin. I tell myself I'll start tomorrow. I don't.
A lot of this is down to my boredom of being too familiar with an area. I feel I lose interest in everything if I'm not constantly moving around and doing something new. If I'm stuck in one place for too long, I lose all interest in everything else. Fortunately restrictions are easing around the world and travelling is an option again, but annoyingly my prior plans were put to sleep. In such moments, where nothing is done and I lose motivation, I notice the rippling effect it has on all other interests of mine.
I've noticed that even when I work, and return home from a shoot, the following day is met with utter boredom again. I'm back home. I'm now idle. I end up with this itch to just pack up a back and start moving again, to any place. No actual destination in mind. Annoyingly, with the high cost of, well, literally everything in the United Kingdom, that nomadic life isn't that realistic. I'm sure others don't feel this way: they get a normal job, at the same office, they wake up at the same time and return home at the same time. They're fine with this routine. How? I have no idea.
My idea of Hell is being stuck doing the same things in the same place for long periods of time. It's strange, particularly given it refers to my own hobbies and interests. Even now, I feel that writing all of this is one massive chore. My mind is blank for subjects to write about and this is entirely forced.
While I've mentioned this mentality being a weakness, I don't think it's one that can follow me around. I've noticed I'm most productive and happy when I am moving around somewhere new. I've spent a lot of time lately looking at flights to different places, and looking at entry requirements and the general cost of living. While I'm incredibly frugal, money is not really an issue for me -- providing I'm not looking at expenses above £3,000 a month, which would be insane though easily reached here in the UK -- and ultimately the solution is to just keep moving.
I think this lifestyle of being spontaneous fits me the most. The best days I have are ones where I get out into the world with a camera and just roam some new place. Not really having an idea of where to go and what I'll do. Just letting things sort of unfold in front of me. I just hate that I've had to wait so long for it to happen, only for additional setbacks to take place as the world decides to crumble.
Strangely, I can feel some of my motivation returning after typing all of this out. Perhaps it'll encourage me to pick up and a pencil and some paper and draw again. Or to finally watch some of the films I've been needing to watch for a few weeks now. Or, just maybe, I'll still do nothing!
I can relate to ABSOLUTELY everything you just wrote; I'm the same.
My mind is SO hyper, I've got loads of interests, hobbies, passions, plans, goals - a pretty lot of a lot of things and being nowhere near of how I dream myself to be, gets me in that point of inertia, procrastinating feeling unhappy and unsuccesful for nor being that but ALSO not doing any of that.
Recently, talking to my therapists, we got to the conclusion of me procrastinating because my lists of things to do AND TO BE is so large, and I feel so not even near of the start that I, simply, don't ever start. I feel uncapable. What I've been doing lately is using a Pomodoro app and it has helped lots with my hyper-also-unproductive state of my mind. Even though, at the start, 25 min of continous work seemed impossible.
But I also relate to getting so sick and done of the same routine everyday so I try to get free days every two or three days but I still get bored or tired of the routines I made because they made me happy. I don't know, people like us need to be changing all the time because of that. Maybe it's more like a lifestyle hahah
I think I spend most of my time just daydreaming of possibilities and things to pursue rather than actually pursuing them. I wouldn't say I take steps back ever, I still make steps forward, just at such an incredibly slow pace at times. The problem of having so many interests and hobbies is never knowing which one to really explore sometimes, and the result is exploring none of them at all,
The reply from @vincentnijman also completely sums it up:
That's precisely how I feel. The lack of routine is what makes me feel alive. Having things to do and just picking at certain things that feel right for that moment just feels so much better than trying to force myself into them all with little moments in the day; telling myself I'll do 1 hour of this, then an hour of that. My mind just doesn't work that way. I devote my full attention to something on one day, and the next I feel like devoting it elsewhere. I feel this is why I am best when I am doing and constantly moving. My mind can't be so active, and it's already enjoying the things I'm doing. There's no moments of being idle in which I can ask: what should I do now? What should I do tomorrow?
Ultimately I feel best when that time comes and instead I ask: what do I want to do now?
I like to think that is the case, I remember listening to a podcast where a guy interviewed creatives, years ago and either the host or the interviewee said not having a routine was his kind of routine. It stuck with me.
I think once we start accepting ourselves the way we are, things start flowing a lot easier. It's easier said than done but it is possible - I am getting there - and we can keep tweaking ourselves, listening to our gut feeling - without forcing things.
Um abraço!
I think that too! It's been my experience, anyway. At first, I experiment A LOT of resistance. It's hard, I cry, I feel I wasn't born with the qualities to thrive but, eventually, I have started to let out - of those ever changing routines - stuff that were not needed, anyway, for me but were adopted because of society; because I thought, I felt they were important.
We end up with a lot less baggage, a lot more us, and a lot more peace into the messy storm we, creatives, use to be.
Abrazote!!!
As a fellow creative and highly sensitive soul, I can relate to this easily. I get you, you're not alone. I suggest watching the videos / listening to the podcast of my friend @clareartista , if you aren't already doing so.
I just reblogged her latest talk on art, creativity, healt and so much more.
In fact, I am listening to it right this moment.
Sending you creative vibes and a hug from Portugal!
I appreciate the recommendation even though it wasn't directed to me - I'll take it! Started listening to it already.
I was thinking of you too, glad you picked up on it, I love Clare's work!
Hi @namiks, Thank you for participating in the #teamuk curated tag. We have upvoted your quality content. For more information visit our discord https://discord.gg/8CVx2Am
I think it’s good to be in many different areas and things at once. Keeps things fresh and we get to taste lots of different things to see what we like and what we don’t. I am partially that way, where I like to experiment and do new things but at the same time I like to have familiar things as well. I want to be in a place where I can learn, grow and do things that are new and fun. Hopefully that dream will continue to happen as long as it can, I know there’s some serious pressure to fuck things up right now but keep on going and adapt is how I’m trying to be.
It is a bit scary but how is another country looking for you in your nomadic mindset? I know there are lots who don’t mind that type of stuff. Plus are more affordable!