you could have grown up to be a real asshole...it's never too late :D
I just have an understanding how our decisions and actions impact others having no control over it really pissed me off so I had to be like them, I knew it was ugly but I needed to survive. I have been thru some real bad shit as a kid much of it the fault of the adults. I learned that what I needed to survive isn't the skills I needed to flourish as an individual. I didn't want to be them and I saw a lot of them in myself. It bothered me.
I think that's why I like the trade, we are so mean to each other in the heat of the moment but then tomorrow everyone is cool again like it never happened. Don't get me wrong some people I just don't like and vice versa but for the most part we can be pretty mean with words and we all get over it and it makes for funny stories.
I understand; survival, the need to, can inspire many things within a person. I was racially vilified, quite brutally, and when large enough...Well, let's just say I acted in exactly the manner others had acted with me and I punished a few. That scared some people, the ferocity of it, but I think also the cold, detached way in which I meted out said punishments.
I realised I didn't like it though, that being like them wasn't the real me; from then I always thought things through and resorted to violence when it was necessary, not as a matter of course.
I think we need to be us, you know, who we are or desire to be and for me that's a kaleidoscope of things. I've done bad things, things that people may perceive as such, and I've done good things...It's funny though, good and bad just depends on perspective. Overall, I think I'm happy being me, with all my flaws and broken bits. I put the pieces together sometimes and accept that they're a jumble at others. Much like most.
One thing I won't allow myself to be though is a default version based upon the poor actions of other people. I'm happy to stand apart and accept that it may be lonely.
A lot of who I am is due to events (mostly bad) from when I was a kid. It built character, as with you.
That's pretty unfair with the racism. Nobody should have to go thru that. Why does character building have to be so harsh!
I look like the whiter half so I can't say I have experienced too much in that department aside from the sexual harassment that comes with having an "exotic" look. I needed people to think I was batshit crazy and had some arms behind me in case anything ever happened. I had no adult protection as a kid and targeted by pedo networks some of them even school teachers.
People never know or understand the circumstances you were in when making the decisions you have to make. I never bothered myself with peoples opinions and I don't really reveal my plans or what I'm up to too much because of it so I'm like a big mystery to everyone. It scares people because those that know me know I'm calculated and always thinking. I am many things and each person knows a different side/me but they are all me just the same. Like a social chameleon. I have learned to be semi-patient but know when to take out Queen B. Even when I lose it, it's with intent and not out of emotion so much as just sick of it and want the insubordination or behavior to stop and my point isn't coming across trying to be nice about it. Just like the great PB smear, I will find an effective way to get my point across. I'm feared to some a legend to others, I suppose it depends on how each person treat me.
Just like you, I value peace and happiness and just being myself whatever that may be but I don't allow people to walk all over me anymore no matter who they are. That's what makes us badass, we can control our assholery...Know when to hold em, know when to fold em.
Pedo's must die. Just my opinion.
I agree with all you say and am much the same...But I can't help but consider...What would it be like to issue forth an EMA beatdown and then a joint-peanut buttering on some poor [hopefully underserving] soul. You know, as a warning for others. Could it be possible to amalgamate the EMA and PBing into one long and very humiliating smackdown administered by the both of us simultaneously? That unique concatenation of beatdown/humiliation could very well set the tone for other {probably innocent] people...What say you?
EMA moral wisdom, don't EMA the undeserving...but tag team EMA, wow brutal. Somebody must have pissed you off lol. I'm sure we are both beast machines on our own together would almost be an unfair advantage especially to the unsuspecting!
We don't EMA the innocent? What about if they look at us funny? Even then?
Fark, ok I'll play along.
We'd be like a beast-machine-transformer like when Optimus Prime gets joined up with one of the other Transformers only we'd be more beastly. Could you imagine deploying on some innocent bystander, just to warn the others in the immediate area? I'm getting shivers of anticipation down my spine at the thought...Oh hang on, that's happening because it's fucking cold here! Lol.
https://blog.nativehope.org/native-american-animals-the-elk-a-protector-and-relative
https://www.californiapsychics.com/blog/animal-sightings-symbolism/meaning-elk-sighting.html
Now you could finally get your brother back for the great pb buttering hahahaah
I'm going to assume we have different definitions of cold... what is cold in celcius?
Hmm promise not to laugh? It's been 11°C today. Cold. 😆
Thanks for those links, I had a quick squiz and will go back. Elk really are a pretty legit beast, like us I guess. I actually really like the concept of some of the Native American ethos and beliefs. I don't know enough about it to be honest, to by shame and detriment. I feel junket coming on, up your way, for a seminar and around the fire sesh of learning about NA stuff. Now, just to come up with how I can get work to pay for it.
I grew up as the littlest kid in the class. By a significant margin. They started trying to bully me, but my dad had taught me how to box and how to take a blow (two very separate lessons). I broke a kids nose on my very first day in school. 6 years old :) I never lost that attitude even when I got big. And I did get BIG.
There was a fairly legendary time when I refused my ritual hazing on the football team. 4 seniors and I fought and lost. So I beat them one at a time over the next couple years. But the coach said if I wanted to be on the team I better learn to get along.
The consequence is that I have been ready to take on bullies all my life. And God help a Pedo if I knew about it.
I need to break in here someplace and I'm not sure where. I don't think I was purposely abused as a kid but my Dad was a 'spare the rod, spoil the child' guy for sure. I am absolutely certain that I got hit a lot less than he did growing up.