Forgiveness itself is a never ending journey, with each day that passes by, the need to forgive someone (or even something arises). One thing I have learnt over the years is that, forgiveness doesn't mean giving that person that hurt you another chance to hurt you again, it is not a service to the person but to our own selves.
So insightful, @audreybits. Yes, I do agree that it is a daily practice as well as reflection.
And I do understand what you are saying regarding never allowing another chance but differ in that it depends on the person and the situation. I have learned recently about higher compassion and this is similar in that you acknowledge that everyone is on their own path (just as you are) and by allowing them to learn what they need to learn for themselves, you are not interfering. But it is also important to take care of your boundaries and toxic people. It can be complicated.
There was this time that my family went through a really traumatic experience, it was my Mum and I that were at the scene and the first thing she said after that was that she has forgiven them, Even I thought it was the right thing to do (and even criticized myself for a few minutes for not thinking about that instantly, I thought I was bad for not thinking of forgiving them), we didn't give our selves chance to process all those emotions first. I don't know if her forgiveness was from the heart at that point (i doubt it was) but mine definitely wasn't. I was secretly (and unconsciously) nurturing hateful and toxic feelings within me (and was even slowly become toxic to the people around me) and if I had the chance, I probably would have hurt them back (I was only fifteen then). It was when we had to go through a healing process that I got the chance to really process those feelings (it did hurt more then when it happened because initially, I numbed myself from those pains), understand that this forgiveness is actually for me, not them and ultimately freeing myself from the bondage I created. It was a long and painful process but I was able to get myself back after that.
Yes, definitely - it sounds like you really went through some deep emotions and long healing process. And absolutely, numbness is often part of the beginning period of trauma. I went through this with my mother initially and didn't understand it other than perhaps it's our brain's way of helping us deal with it until we are capable of 'feeling' it. I have found that EFT is very powerful for this as well. I'm the kind of person that I often push things inside and go on with life not realizing that all that stuff gets trapped inside. So EFT is wonderful for drawing that out.
Forgiveness is beautiful, but its also hard to practice. It is healing but the process is painful. In the end, the whole process will be worth it, and it all starts with acceptance. How amazing it will be if we let ourselves go through this process of forgiveness...
Hurting is the difficult part - forgiveness shouldn't be painful - it should feel freeing and good but this often happens after we have dealt with the pain and yet sometimes its a mixture of walking through both in layers and eventually you get there.
I agree with our happy ending being inside of us, realizing that is what will bring about satisfaction and a happier life. We stop chasing it at the wrong places, because we know where it now is, and that it doesn't need to be chased, it just needs to be nurtured!
Awww I LOVE your words here - so beautiful and so true. The word 'nurture' is so fitting.
Your drawing is just so beautiful for someone who is starting out, I will so much love to be able to draw... I look forward to seeing the amazing pieces you will create once you get even better at it.
Thank you so much. Yes, it will be interesting to see this unfold. I need to be braver with 'color' LOL
Such great and thought-provoking comments, @audreybits - and I loved that you shared some of the personal in them, too. We all learn from one another.
Have a beautiful day!
Taking care of our boundaries definitely is important, but just as you've said, it can be complicated.
I have never heard of EFT until today (i just looked it up) and I think someone once tried it on me when I was still in the process of healing. Just like you, I do pretty well in comes to pushing all the emotions in and acting all "brave", (slowly learning that, that really, isn't "brave). It did help to get those some of those feelings out but I didn't really get what he was doing and I didn't bother to ask. I was this kind of person that once I bottle these feelings up, then they get impossible to come out and when it happened, I thought it was because I let my "guard" down for a second, didn't even suspect it being somewhat related to the finger-tapping thing he was doing or the fact that he told me to literally take my self back to that event. That's definitely something I should practice more often.
Forgiveness is freeing definitely but the process doesn't always make it seem so. Yeah, healing from the pains first makes it a whole lot better...
Yeah, we do learn from each other. I felt somewhat connected to it that I just had to share..
I really enjoy your comments and thoughts, @audreybits
So happy to have met you - hope we keep running into each other.
Have a beautiful day!
Thank you, it seems like we will be running into each other more often now...