I'm a Jerk.
It's true.
I've only been around Steemit for about a week or so now, but if you read even one post on my blog, you'll quickly realize that in any proper introduction of myself, it's probably necessary to just point out on the front end that very simple fact about me. There's just some inalienable part of who I am as a person that makes me unable to stop being a jerk.
And even though I wish it weren't true, I also know that it's important to face reality and be upfront with people.
This introduction post would be completely dishonest and disingenuous if I didn't make that very clear.
But it's also something that is a little weird thing to admit straightaway.
Being a jerk puts me securely on the "not worth your time and effort" category of people you come across. Jerks are just people you want to completely avoid with no exceptions.
And because normal, nice people avoid me, I constantly find myself in the company of other jerks.
Most of them are your standard jerk, all sarcasm and no sincerity. No real drive to do anything good, to speak of. And almost no ability for improvement. Jerks are firmly ensconced in their jerk-hood for life.
There's another group of people that I sometimes come across, though--rarer and harder to spot. These people have some wiggle room to the level of their jerkiness. They have some hope.
You know you've encountered one of these rarities when other people tell you, more with pity than anger, that "that guy over there," or "that girl you just bumped into" is "kind of a jerk."
Kind of a Jerk
You've definitely come across someone who is kind of a jerk.
"Kind of a jerk," is the guy who just won't let his guard down for a minute to drop the "personality" he's put on, because he's slightly too concerned with appearing a certain way to certain people.
"Kind of a jerk," is the girl who absolutely fawns over how much her friends mean to her, but she can't figure out a way to stop being at least an hour late (when she doesn't cancel) every single time she has plans with those same friends.
"Kind of a jerk," is the old guy at the restaurant who knows that his son is a happy, talented, and passionate artist, but who can't help himself from loudly snarking about the money his son "wasted" on college just to end up "futzing around with your little doodles."
"Kind of a jerk," is the middle-aged woman at the hotel desk who knows that the booking error isn't at all the desk clerk's fault, but who still thinks it's ok to "vent a little" to the clerk by using implicit put-downs, insults, name-calling, and veiled threats to the clerks livelihood.
You Might Be Blessed Not to Be Friends with KOAJ
If you're not actually friends with KOAJ (you know..."Kind Of A Jerk) then you are, at the same time, blessed and cursed.
You're blessed if you've never met KOAJ because KOAJ is...well...kind of a jerk to deal with. KOAJ isn't a bad person. People who are friends with KOAJ know that. Those people really want to like KOAJ.
When talking about KOAJ, KOAJ's friends find themselves saying, "But I guess he/she means well..." or "They can't help it..." a lot!
And people who are friends with KOAJ are constantly let down when, after brief shining moments of being nice, KOAJ always reverts right back to being...kind of a jerk.
So if you aren't friends with KOAJ, then in those ways, you are blessed.
But you're also cursed.
The Amazing Potential of KOAJ
You have to understand, KOAJ is the human equivalent of a giant lump of coal. KOAJ has potential. KOAJ can someday be "not a jerk"--a full-fledged NOJ.
And KOAJ, deep down, is always actively aspiring to be NOJ.
KOAJ has this much potential because, ultimately, KOAJ only acts in such an obnoxious, almost unbearable manner, because KOAJ recognizes his/her flaws, usually to a point of neuroses, but for an inexplicable reason, KOAJ constantly, freezes up and fails to come through and fix those flaws. Thus, KOAJ is neurotic about problems that can't seem to be fixed.
KOAJ is unpleasnt because KOAJ is always trying way too hard, and failing (way too hard), to not be unpleasant.
This is unlike straight up full-on jerks, narcissists, hateful folks, and evil people who all truly believe that they have no flaws and that it's everyone else who is always at fault.
There is no-one more critical of KOAJ than KOAJ. But KOAJ is also, for long stretches of time which may add up to a lifetime, unable to actualize any solutions to solving any of the ever-present internal struggles and flaws.
KOAJ wants to. Oh man, does KOAJ want to! More than anything.
But it just.
doesn't.
work.
Well Then What's So Hard About Just Being Friends With KOAJ?
"So what's the problem?" you might ask. "Just wait it out. If KOAJ will become a wonderful person at some point, like you said, and they're not one of those really bad people, what can be the harm of sticking with them."
The answer is that there is nothing harmful with a good friend sticking with KOAJ...as long as it's understood that sticking with KOAJ is a gigantic, seemingly endless, drain on on that friend's time and energy.
Because KOAJ can't figure out how to fix the flaws they know they have, until KOAJ, at some point, without any explanation, stumbles onto a solution that actually, finally works, KOAJ will keep being KOAJ.
And if you'e ever been around KOAJ, you know that you can only take so much. After a certain point, you want to have regular friends, who are nice without being neurotic, friendly without being needy, funny without being exhausting, and intelligent without being pedantic.
KOAJ does a lot of taking, because even though they have it in their head to be a giver, like with every other good idea, KOAJ can't translate that idea into reality. So KOAJ takes. Takes time, takes money, takes advice, takes rides, takes compliments, takes friendship.
The Person Who Sticks With KOAJ is a Very Special Kind of Person
The type of person who sticks with KOAJ is, necessarily, the type of person that has almost superhuman levels of empathy, patience, and kindness. The people you see standing by KOAJ are the people about which you frequently find yourselves thankful for just having them in your lives.
And it's not by coincidence that a very, very large number of those people who have the qualities to stick with KOAJ, were, at one time, usually far back in their past, exactly like KOAJ.
In fact, they were KOAJ.
See what I mean about potential?
But, of course, because the kind of person that will stick with KOAJ is a very unique type, there aren't really that many of them.
KOAJ Saves Seats at the Lunch Table For Friends
So KOAJ can have stretches of life where friends seem to keep dropping away like acorns from an oak in autumn.
KOAJ almost ways eats lunch alone.
KOAJ spends most evenings at home waiting for an invitation that never comes.
KOAJ cries, a little, in private, when seeing little kids playing together, and wonders why things can't be like that anymore.
KOAJ smiles awkwardly at strangers because KOAJ hasn't been smiled at in a while.
KOAJ prays a lot that tomorrow, please tomorrow, all those faults and flaws that just seem, somehow, impossible to fix, will drift away, so that KOAJ can have the confidence to call that friend from college and ask if they'd like to catch-up over some lunch.
KOAJ wants a family.
KOAJ wants friends.
KOAJ wants a friend.
Except KOAJ is still KOAJ. There's no rhyme or reason when things finally "click" and KOAJ figures out a way to fix the flaws and faults.
So that KOAJ can finally just be the regular, kind, and decent person that they've always been but, for some nightmarishly unknown reason, could never quite show everyone else.
So that KOAJ can stop telling people that the chairs around the lunch table are "taken," in the hopes that someone will come sit down.
So that people will start being surprised that at one point in the past this absolutely normal friend of theirs was once, "for a little while," kind of a jerk.
welcome to steemit. I hope you do great and make a lot for followers and moolah.
Tell me more about this “moolah.”
Can it be used for lawn care?
What else can the moo lag be used for?
Purchasing delayed bovine noises.
I hope he does as well!! Rooting for you!
welcome to steemit good post all time skyme you are a great
such delicious food one should always share
Amazingly well written.
Thank you, that was the best read I have had in i while.
I's really absolutely spot on. Well done, wish you good luck!!
Welcome to steem it.. =)
I just made friends with a KOAJ - you! Keep up your humorous take on life.
Thanks! “It’s good to stay friends with KOAJ,” is what you should keep telling yourself as they make your life miserable.
But, really, it’s (probably...maybe) worth it someday
Does anyone know if this handmade Asshole Repellent on Amazon works for jerks, too?
Unfortunately no. Jerks are too passive-aggressive so as the repellent flies at the Jerk, it stops in mid-air, and splashes down to the floor with the knowledge that the jerk is so insecure and weak-willed in defense of their own obnoxiousness (contra the repellant’s main target who is aggressive and over-confident), that it’s not even worth it.
Jerks can only really be repelled by cheap cologne or grass clippings.
It sounds like we need to come up with a repellent called Jerk-Off (Effective against all kinds of jerks including KOAJs and FBJs.)
Were I as successful on Steemit as I am in real life in my imagination, I would have given you all of the monies for this wonderful comment.
A much needed smile was brought to my face reading your post.
The world needs jerks!
Welcome to Steemit.
I await with baited breath to see what you come up with next.
Sadly, you will be gasping for that sweet sweet oxygen sooner than you think. But I don’t have much else. I mast have a haiku about this cow that straight kicked me in the face once, but I think I may just have to go back out and work on the paramilitary plantations.
It’s less mental torture than writing, but this it does have a lot more physical torture....mostly burnings and murdered-by-grenadings....
So we’ll see how this goes!
one time... a man (who was trying to promote my husband to a newer title) told a story about being kicked in the back by a horse. I laughed so hard, my tea came out of my nose.
the blank stares assured me that this was not - in fact - a joke.
my hubby did not get that promotion. but i say.... if they can't laugh at a good kicked-by-a-horse-and-lived story.... that is not the place for you.
dodged a bullet, if you ask me.
Been off for a while so have only just seen your reply.
How much can I fit
into a haiku format
oh no I'm out of
I would leave the paramilitary plantations now.
I have heard of a place where shrews whittle turnips into tiny hats, mayhaps this could inspire.
Far better than burning and murderous grenades.
Mwah x
LOL I like this. Good content and humor. I haven't been on here long as well and this is definitely refreshing from all the money talk on here. Keep up the good work.
Thanks! Money is all well and good (says my Aunt when she’s spending it on more bandwidth to feed her internet addiction), but sometimes, it’s nice to put money aside and act as if it doesn’t exist.
Like 1930’s Russia, but without the good vodka and the never-ending conveyor belt of death :)
I have always been KOAJ. I don't hide from it. I am who I am, and everyone else should be also! Great Intro. Honesty shall set you FREE!
Thanks!
I’ve been told that the only thing that will set me free is my family paying the ransom, but on your advice I’m going to give some honesty to the guy that brings me stale bread and knocks my head against the wall every day, to see what happens.
I’ll report the results back when I regain consciousness.
oh my gosh. now i'm crying ... and wheezing. this is why i bother to read the comment section. seriously, i post because i'm hoping that someday, somehow, i will have a golden post that will make me filthy rich. just.... the filthiest.
but the comments.... people do not realize that the COMMENTS are where it's at. i spend more time filling up people's comment section than anything else. and hmmmm now that i think about it. i usually upvote all the hilarious comments too. good and bad.
good - because i actually get to give more to the poster (than just my measly little vote on the post. it can actually add up to something significant. huh. i can't believe that just dawned on me.)
but bad - because i upvote too much and now i'm in the poorhouse. LOL and i can't STOP coming to steemit for 3 days while i wait to be back at 100% voting power. bah! go tell another addict to just WAIT for another high. so my vote hovers around the 10-20% mark. sad.
but the pats on the back are a-plenty!!!! and no - you can't use them for lawn care - but it is kinda like a free massage if you get enough of them!!!
so write away! steem for massages, i say!
by the way.... what does NOJ stand for?
I can really identify with this. It took me a while to realize why I was so unhappy. My overt niceness and my inherent compulsion to please others left me completely vulnerable and eventually led me to resent those closest to me. Thankfully, after a lot of struggle, leading to self-awareness, and some badly needed personal growth, I'm a much more contented person these days. Because of this, I'm less of an asshole. I'm still a bit of an asshole, though. But, aren't we all?
Thoroughly enjoyed KOAJ. Reminds me of TEAM AMERICA! The part where they are in the bar discussing various parts of the anatomy and how people can seem to act out those parts. I was KOAJ in my youth, but found my way out. We all seem to have the potential for being KOAJ at some point. I now try to just look for the good in people. I look and find in the most unlikely people goodness.
Much love and light,
X
Thanks!
Notwithstanding my inability to be sincere (because, as it says, I’m not KOAJ...I’m full-blown jerk) if you were to ask me in a moment of weakness I would tell you that I think finding the good in all people and spreading love is the absolute best way to live, and that I am (in this hypothetical moment of weakness) highly honored someone with that kind of philosophy such as yourself has enjoyed my writing.
Thanks (hypothetically, of course)!
Rotfl! I love your sense of humor! Doesn't matter whether you are KOAJ or a FBJ, you are human like me. That's always a decent starting point in any new friendship. Then we simply build from there. Everyone has their likes and dislikes in life. It's how we choose to adapt to those likes and dislikes that will enable us build upon the future together. Starting out as a mere mortal human, we inherently are flawed. I will look past the flaws of others if they will look past mine. Well, that's not entirely true, I look past the flaws anyway and just hope that the sentiment will be reciprocated at some point.
Lol, but you had me laughing and that is a big deal for me. It's kind of a novelty for me. I don't laugh nearly as much as I used to. Thank you for that.
Much love and light,
X
Thanks again!
My upvote is currently about as valuable as the 1923 German mark.
So I have to give you an IOU for this thoughtful, empathetic, and uniquely kind comment.
Really though.
Feel free to save this comment (where's the Reddit remindmebot when you need it?) and remind me in a few months when I have up-votes worth giving. You have my word on that.
Thank you, it's very kind, but I just enjoy conversing with people. I don't get out much, so I live vicariously online. Just glad to meet and talk with somebody new. Keep on posting, please. I'll be around.
Love and light,
X
This triggered my helper syndrome.
Let me help you act on that motivation before before the helper syndrome feeling potentially recedes:
Charity Navigator - Charities with Perfect Scores
Something as little as, like, a dollar to help these charities do their work is a gigantic thing!
I even picked one and started it out so we could be helper buddies:
Direct Relief Humanitarian Aid
It's nice to see that this JERK cares so much.
La vida esta llena de opciones, por más idiotas que tengamos cerca, siempre tenemos la oportunidad de decidir a quien seguir
Pero no yo. Mi tía dice que las oportunidades son para personas que no son tan extrañas como yo.
https://steemit.com/dobrbiu/@koles35rus/vsem-vsem-vsem
great artical
great post
Hey it's ok I am KOAJ, too... Great writing.
Welcome to the Steem World!
I have recently made an orientation video that will help you in your journey here - and will hopefully answer all the questions that took me months to figure out.
https://steemit.com/dtube/@maneki-neko/rlfwsqlj
I wish you all the best here on Steem!
I will also use the tag : @originalworks for this post, this will summon a robot that, if you wrote this original article, will give you an additional upvote. :)
Thank you for the waving cat!
It reminds me of a Chinese restaurant owned by these Falun Gong practitioners where I used to live until they opened up one of those “Bodies: The Exhibition” installments outside of town and the restaurant owners just kind of seemed to never show up back to work
@ilt-yodith, well you, jerk, just got yourself a new jerk-like follower! This is great! Your post, your attitude! What a nice post of something so true!
I’m sure you’re hardly a jerk. You don’t even seem like kind of a jerk. You would do best to be very nasty to me and acknowledge my worthlessness in an otherwise good world that I am polluting by my very existence.
Thanks for the follow!
Just watch more Steve Martin... you'll be fine.
Hello bro your post very nice so please chak my post
fresh sense of humour. Ilike it. good one
Why did you promote this?
In response to your question, I would refer you to the very first line of my post.
lol Do you want followers?
No. I was going to throw the money to the bottom of a well, but realized that this was a quicker way to get rid of it.
lol
crying...
welcome to steemit @ilt-yodith :)
actually , you explained that how you are jerk, but i want to know something, can you tell about a jerk's one day; morning to night ...
It largely consists of avoiding my three nephews’ hijinx so I have time to swim in my giant Money Bin.
I have just read your introduceyourself post. Well, it seems to me, that even if you are a jerk, you have to be the smart one. So I followed you. Good Luck on steemit!
I’m not going to openly say that you’ll regret following me, but to quote my Aunt, “I.L.T. Yodith is someone you’ll regret following or being aware that he is alive.”
Hopefully it takes off.
Very clever. Thanks for sharing.
good
There is a reason though, honestly it's trauma that makes you an unintentional KOAJ
So, may we Lunch Alone Jerks (LAJs) count you as a supporter and friend of our mighty crusade to be left alone?
Your KOAJ!!!! making me read all this way. and i did upvote you after thinking your KOAJ!
A dated a KOAJ, she was not a jerk to me, but in the end she reverted back to a KOAJ for no reason and broke up with me trough text message with only 3 words, ppl SHOULD not be allowed to break up with other people trough text message, everything u said under "KOAJ Saves Seats at the Lunch Table For Friends" is true and describes her perfectly... guess some ppl dont want to be NOJ
what were the three words??
In my language, this is 3 words: "I regretted it. Sorry. Bye" in my native tongue: "Arrependi-me.Desculpa. Adeus"
Ack.
Sorry for that. But good to be rid of someone like that sooner rather than later!!!
Yeah, i now see that i'm much better without her, and the entire thing made me a better person
These things usually do!
But we can't underestimate the smell of the raw suckage we have to trudge through in order to get to the other side.
But you made it!!!! Hehehe
Wash that suckage off and gimme a high five and a hug! 😝
That feeling of sitting alone but not a jerk tho nice post
wow!! this was amazing your really talented, keep up the good work I'm also a neophyte in the steemit crypto verse.
There is a book entitled, "Asshole No More" is still available at Amazon. I recall it is one in a 3-part series about curing yourself of assholism, aka being a jerk. It is never too late to fix it.
Jerk pa more.., hahahahahahahaha
https://steemit.com/@aayoshii925
Very well written, I have a lot of friends who are KOAJs but I can see the potential in them. I haven't thought about a lot of the things you said but you are completely right!
welcome @ilt-yodith....err if i have not welcomed you already before....probably not....well then be well when you come
This post is quite inspiring and some parts are really well written, I like it. To be honest, you do not sound like a regular jerk to me. Keep it up! :)
Your post is very amazing @ilt-yodith . I am very impressed once please follow and upvote me @ irwansyah883
I got so tired of reading the abbreviation KOAJ. I filled it in with my name instead, for some reason it fits. :)
Anyhow great post, well written.
Will upvote and follow.
Good luck on Steem, can't wait to see more of your posts!
welcome to steemit hope you have a happy stay
This was mad funny, shoutout to all the KOAJs
Interesting thoughts. I had a discussion yesterday with a friend about her KOAJ boyfriend... seems insecurity fuels a lot of KOAJ's KOAJ-ness. What's really a method of self-preservation (via sarcasm, backhanded compliments, etc) creates a perpetual cycle of mistrust and shame between KOAJ and KOAJ's deeply desired friends making both parties retreat inwardly.. further propelling KOAJ to KOAJ status.
I'm of the philosophy that the 5 people you spend the most time with shape who you are, and most people don't want to be 20% asshole. Perhaps KOAJ should work on their communication skills :)
Good luck to you friend! Well written piece, I enjoyed it a lot.
upvout back please
You jerk! Lol
W"ow
hehehe interesating post bro upvote! :3