Though I get what you mean, it still sounds kinda weird to me whenever I hear the injunction "love yourself", when in my opinion one of the greatest problems of our era is narcissism! I'm far more likely to 'instruct' others to get off their high horse! :P
You are viewing a single comment's thread from:
I find there is a big difference between loving the self, and being self-absorbed or selfish (google describes selfish as:
Loving the self is about being honorable to your own values, taking care of yourself, appreciating yourself, giving yourself the best life and opportunities, looking out for your own best interests...etc.
Being selfish is disregard for the well-being of others, taking advantage of others for your own gain...etc.
The society we grew up in has judgment on self-love, and anyone who loves themselves "too much" (whatever that means!) is labeled a narcissist. Often people with little self love have a hard time with people who love themselves. I believe if they had a healthy and well-balanced relationships with themselves, they would find appreciation in others who also share that same trait.
I wrote an article recently about just that:
https://steemit.com/psychology/@everlove/give-the-world-the-grandest-version-of-you-that-you-can-possibly-give
Thanks for your comment @alexander.alexis. I'm grateful for the opportunity to exchange with you.
It's just there's so much talk about self-love these days, and to me it sounds like trying to teach people how to breathe. I mean, we are born with self-love. Our default state is to look out for our best interest. What we really need to learn is other-love. That's the kind of thing that actually needs to be taught.
What I think 'self-love' is (I mean the way it's portrayed in the media - what you're talking about might be different), is an internalization of the messages found in popular media, that teach you you're nothing unless you're rich and famous and good-looking etc. E.g. music videos, models, superstars, 'the beautiful people'. We grow up wanting to be like them. At some point reality hits us, and we realize it won't happen. Now, we either grow up, realize it was all a sham. Or, we 'self-love', meaning: we adopt for ourselves the same kind of narcissistic values that you find, say, in rap videos, but without the external validation that comes with it. We become Kanye, but without the actual fame, therefore all the more ridiculous: at least his fame justifies his being a little bit crazy, locked in his bubble, like Nero. We don't have that excuse.
Just to give a more concrete example of popular self-love teachings: Youtube star Superwoman. Here's two self-love teachings she tries to get across to young teen girls, taken from her trailer here: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt5333882/
"You do not need anyone to be happy, besides yourself."
"Happiness is the only thing worth fighting for in your life."
Whether you meet these statements with glee or with scorn, depends I guess on how you perceive the message behind the words. My intuition tells me it's all a product of narcissistic culture (especially looking at the values promoted in the rest of the trailer). The first enjoinment locks you in a bubble: you're the great big blue planet and everyone else is a satellite and they can f off into the deep dark space for all you care. The second makes you a hedonist, strictly speaking (I assume she means 'happiness of the self', not 'of others'). And it's not just the highest thing. It's the only thing. Literally nothing else is worth fighting for!
The difficulty with these issues is that no one gives us a concrete definition of what they mean by self-love. It's all very ethereal and abstract and positive-sounding, but hard to specify, and therefore hard to get a grip on. One feels the message behind it all isn't quite as innocuous as portrayed, but without the specificity found, for instance, in feminist beliefs, you're left guessing. I can understand Superwoman's first statement as it's found in Buddhist writings, and I can attack it for that reason. I can understand the second statement as it's found in hedonistic writings, and attack it for that reason. But in the loose language and setting of popular culture, I may have the intense suspicion that something is very awry, but I don't quite know what it is. There's just that one word that keeps coming up: narcissism. I think disadvantaged children in third-world countries do need us to be happy (contra 1), and I think their happiness is also worth fighting for (contra 2).
I should note I'm a feminist atheist liberal, in case any of the above sounds 'conservative'.
Wow! What a great reply @alexander.alexis. And thanks for the clarity on closing, words sometimes don't depict where we really are.
I think your first paragraph sums it up:
I would agree with that wholeheartedly, and I also believe that the self-love is squashed out of us almost since the moment we are born.
Many people don't realize its a sham and continue on the path of looking for the validation on the outside of themselves, or never really come back to true self-love, but only the example that has been set for us.
I believe most people don't even know what self-love is, as it is so far from anything we are exposed to in the media, society, or even some of the religious and spiritual teachings. Self-love is intangible to most. Where are the true examples? How do we know it when we see it since it's something we have never really seen before? Most everyone I know who is on a path to conscious awakening, finds themselves recognizing how they don't love themselves like they thought they did. It is hidden from view until we delve in deep to see it. And when we do see it (which I image is incredibly rare) we may not relate, but have judgment on it.
I would wager that narcissism is more popular than self-love, as until we really do the internal work, we are trapped in someone else's interpretation of it.
I truly appreciate your comment. Thanks for engaging the conversation.