I totally understand, more than you can know. My husband has been going through this exact same thing since we decided to nix the sailboat life. Living on a sailboat was something he dreamed of since he was 13, something his father wanted to do but never could. We managed to do it, but it became quickly obvious that it wasn't sustainable for us for many reasons.
Even though we had the boat and had amazing adventures that never would have happened any other way, it didn't last (almost 2 years) but He took that very personally as a failure of his very being and is just now starting to come out of the haze of self flagellation (with the food, escapism and liquor as well) to the point that it really wreaked havoc on our life and our marriage.
We also grew up in the midwest (Iowa) so I really can relate to SO much of what you've done!