I have found that one of the most important skills someone can have is correctly evaluating people and what they bring to the table in terms of relationships. Not all people are created equally and many of the times they arent worth your time. Our time in this life is precious and not worth spending with people who again and again act in malice and exhibit traits of a bad person. These toxic people eat up large portions of your life and you have to realize it sooner rather than later.
In every relationship there are defining tense moments and it is at this time you have to realize that sometimes people deserve a second chance and sometimes they dont. This isnt only in personal relationships, but also in the business world if you are a boss. Making mistakes is common, but if a worker doesnt learn from his mistakes and continuously makes the same one, they cant be trusted. It is the person who realizes they messed up and tries to act better in the future, that you want to keep company with.
I have a friend ill call Jenifer and she has been best friends with a girl ill call Rachel for almost her entire life. However in adulthood Rachel stopped acting like a friend and started becoming a toxic person. Jenifer was always on the phone trying to help Rachel, but Rachel didnt want to be helped and ultimately the relationship fizzled out. My friend tried to keep it alive for years, but there was nothing she could do, that time she spent on Rachel was wasted. During that time again and again Rachel acted in a toxic manner and tried to bring my friend down on the same level with her. It was four years before she finally figured out it was time to cut her loose.
Rachel might have deserved a second chance in the beginning, but after making the same mistakes over and over again, she refused to change for the better. Sometimes it is out of control of the person who is acting in malice, it might be another life event that is influencing them, but other people cant be dragged down by them. In many cases they need to be left to figure things out on their own rather than trying to help them. When they realize changing is the only viable solution, is when they can finally move forward.
I honestly do believe that in time people can change, given the right circumstances. I think we all mature and change based on our life experiences, multiple times in our lives. We too could potentially become the person who doesnt learn from their mistakes and isnt worth being helped. I believe that we need to sort that out on our own, or with someone like a therapist who can help. Each relationship is different and must be accounted for differently , but they should all be a net positive.
-Calaber24p
What if you love the person that keeps messing up? Can you really say no more chances? I struggle to forgive a person who keeps hurting me, but I can't seem to stop forgiving...
Time is precious and we don't get it back. You must have the clarity of mind to know when a relationship has ended and the strength to let it go.
Each person you encounter teaches you something about yourself and life itself. Take the lesson and move forward.
You'll be better for it.
Time is the most precious commodity we have which I believe is the reason wasting it on people unworthy of yours is a shame.
You only give a second chance ... a third and a fourth can consume your life
yes, I agree with u. very very nice.
What an interesting and thought-provoking piece that you have posted, @calaber24p. This post actually strikes a chord with me and I can relate to it. I happen to know and be friends with a few toxic people that I have I have known for the past 19 or so years. Not only are they toxic they use people and are downright nasty when they don't get their way. Everyone always tells me they think I am crazy because I will accept their apologies and do my best to move on. Here recently I have come to a conclusion that I am probably better off without these people in my life and have been slowly trying to cut ties with them... This post made me think about it. Thanks for this post!
Sometimes you have to cut people from your life even if it feels wrong or like you are a bad person, but if they are hurting you and your state of mind, you have to help yourself first and foremost.
You are right on target with that advice, @calaber24p. The younger me wouldn't have agreed with that recommendation or even with myself today.
Oh, I forgot to mention that sometimes people can change after a while but it's only a very few. The ones that do turn usually I find that the things they've done to hurt others or whatever the situation maybe is when they were pretty young. The younger a person is, the higher chance they have of growing and becoming a different and better person.
I do find that keeping a constant reminder of how people are even if they have changed helps prevent the chances of history repeating itself...
Yah, this is true reality of life.
For end, here is an extract from my self-help notes:
But yes, sometimes people who fail us too often don't deserve a second (or third, or fourth) chance from us. And not giving them that next chance might just be the best thing for them - they might finally understand that they must really change.
Here's a quote from a text published by my non-Steemit friend :
Cheers!
I think every situation is different. People deserve compassion and help if they are open to it. The people I talk about are often people who want help but are unwilling to change their attitude.
Second chances are only for people worthy of it. Now, deciding who is worthy and who isn’t might be difficult because everyone have their own opinion.
I believe that is a person makes a honest mistake, and really is showing signs of doing it better, then that person deserves a second chance. Is the person doesn’t show any interest whatsoever, they that’s it. No second chance.
This is such a good lesson for everyone. I've seen so many people stay in toxic relationships and unfulfilling jobs just because they don't want to give up. To be fully honest, I was in a relationship myself for years after giving second, third, and fourth chances. Eventually, I had to end it but it could've been done sooner.
Even if we give people who are undeserving of second chances and more, I guess we could look at it positively and realize that we learned something in the process. Finding out that people take you for granted is a bitter pill to swallow.
Im glad you learned something in the process, too many people will keep falling for people who make them unhappy. Hopefully you are a better person for it now.
I've always said that if you can't forgive you can't expect forgiveness
Today, you have posted a lot of important issues before us. The post is really awesome. You post a lot in the post. You have actually said very beautifully that when a person is cooperating with the RT person, that person does not take the time to get up early, you say words Which actually matches our real life in our real life Words many Spacing in real life, in the words of some of the matches I have, what did you bring appreciated nicely in the front of us is so important a subject, tell us what your praise calculation does not actually extraordinary way you pretty has been in our midst
You must live every day like as first day of your life and you must live every day like as last day of your life. Thank you for this good post .
Salam kenal sahabat steemian
Very nice
dear.... im new join for steemit.. my full confidence you full soppurt and help me.. thanks dear
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You are right. We are not able to value the time. We do not even have time to waste our time. We need to notice that our time is not difficult.
everyone deserves a second chance, only you don't have to be around for it...learning to move on from the toxic folk makes life a heck of a lot easier. but deny someone the chance to improve, well, that's up to God. 'judge not, lest ye be judged'
Realita yang dipaparkan sangat menarik, sangat sedikit yang masih berpikir bahwa ini nyata, karena pengaruh tontonan di sosial media yang tidak bisa di sortir oleh setiap kalangan
There are those who establish a symbiotic relationship with other people and that is why they give so many opportunities, even to be omitted as human beings
I really like the last paragraph you wrote. People can change but not at the expense of the people around them.
If we continue to do exactly the same things and we are waiting for change, he can not reach. We need to change our behavior in order to achieve a different outcome.
When you start to become more aware of yourself and do the right things, be aware that you do not fall into your mind with negative criticism of yourself for not being able to do all the positive things you want to do. Even when your desire is positive, note that you do not break yourself in any way from the fact that you are unable to meet your goals as you process your improvement.
Remember that success will only come from a positive place rather than a negative one. You have to know how to love yourself how you are because basically just so you can create yourself a better reality. You will be glad that you at least want to because it is an action in itself and an integral part of every process. But under no circumstances do not despair of being unable to achieve everything at once. Positive charges are positive and in any case, the more you want to improve, the more you should. To find energy for the process by love and self-acceptance. Successfully.
I'm often too forgiving. Been learning to protect myself and put up boundaries much quicker the older I get.
I can not describe my love for this post!
You see, I once cut ties with someone and people around me all pounced on me to lecture on how it wasn't right. But every single time i reminded them of my ability to choose those who i think should be around me. It is toxic to have people you do not trust in your life or around you.
Always stay true to yourself
There is something called LOVE, which force you to do such things. But there are so many people who don't deserve it.
Forgiving is not forgetting. It's letting go of the hurt.
Just leave that person on their condition, they are worth nothing they don't deserve you... Let them live their own life's....
Great post there, keep up good work !
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💙 Great post. Very good writing,i like this post 💙
🎅 Thanks for Sharing 🎅in as much as its a great thing for someone to be given a second chance it will also result to people not living the life they are suppose to live trusting they will get a second chance to life.
forsaken there obligations and duties procrastinating becomes order of the day
although some truly deserve a second chance not just because they are our close pal and family but for the love and contribution they add to our lives and livelihood
but the DEAD is DEAD lets learn to live with it
It may seem cruel but pulling away from these types of people is often the best move you can make for them. A heroin addict doesn't need to be handed more heroin, they need to hit rock bottom and suffer through the withdrawal so they can reorient themselves.
Joseph's story from the Bible is possibly my favorite story of all time, and it actually nails this issue perfectly. You have the favorite son among 12 sons, second youngest of the bunch, seemingly spoiled, daddy's little snitch, etc. who gets unfairly (though maybe understandably) eviscerated by his jealous and spiteful brothers when they sell him into slavery. Despite this betrayal he continues on with his head held high and succeeds in a position that seems rather depressing and hopeless.
Later on when he encounters his brothers again he doesn't just take them in with wide-open arms. He tests them, and he tests them rather harshly. He orchestrates a scenario to see if they learned their lesson by observing their behavior. Only after they pass his test does he make himself known to them and rejoice in their company once more.
The wisest paths would seem to be:
Rachel is essentially an embodiment of a black hole. You can throw as much as you want into it -- you'll likely never see it returned. I recommend cutting people like that off entirely. If they work themselves out down the road then maybe, maybe you give them another chance after they prove themselves.