"I looked about my beautiful house wistfully. Knowing full well that in a matter of hours it would look tidier if I just set fire to it." Lol.
Reading this, I was thinking, maybe I should come to your house for a vegan sandwich, you seem like you know what you're doing. But after the fake/real chorizo incident, I'm less sure.
I do!! You should! I make cracking vegan or vegetarian food. I am just an awful tease! :OD