Today myself and the good lady were just chilling. Planning out things that we might do on the last day of my holiday before returning to the den of iniquity that is the place I call work.
Her phone bleeped and schizzled, the way phones do these days.
She checked it. It was our friends from down south. Hadn't we gotten their message? She turned to me in stark horror...
Oh no, I forgot! I had said to our friends the Pulpit's that they could swing by on their way up north for a mini break?!
The Pulpit's were a family we knew from way back when we were students. In fact, the good lady had shared a flat with Mamma Pulpit for a number of years. They had moved down south to England-shire a few years ago and we still saw them but not very often. They have four children.
They are what? Popping in? With the whole family?
My mind boggled. Our little house. There were already four of us without any guests. This was going to be a right old stramash. The Pulpit's brood range from 3 - 11. One girl and three boys.
I looked about my beautiful house wistfully. Knowing full well that in a matter of hours it would look tidier if I just set fire to it.
The good lady picked up the little boom who gave a half-hearted, sleepy wah.
Oh my god Daddy, look at the state of him, he needs a feed and a sleep before they arrive. They will be here in an hour. Can you sort out lunch for us all?
She fluttered her eyelashes.
In return, I gave her my dead man eating a fish eyes.
Sort out lunch. In an hour. For 9 people.
Thankfully the little boom didn't count as he was only eating carrot sticks just now. 9 people though, In an hour? At least it was straightforward lunch making. I mean, it's not as if I was making sandwiches for people with special dietary requirements...
Did I tell you that Amy and her daughter are vegan now?
The good lady enthusiastically shouted, as she stuck the little boom on one of her booben and settled into her well worn comfy spot on the couch.
What?! Fucking vegan? Why do these creatures keep haunting me?!
I grabbed my car keys.
Back in ten minutes, need to get some vegan cheese.
I trotted out of the door on the way to the shops muttering darkly about them being lucky that I wasn't going to serve them fromage d'homme.
It didn't take me long to track down some vegan cheese. It looked like regular cheese but with all of the fun sucked out of it.
Back home, I set about making a pile of sandwiches. I like to think I am quite the whizz in the kitchen so jazzed up the sandwiches with spicy paprika oil and a couple of quickly whipped up relishes. By the time the guests had arrived there was a pile of buffet nibbly food all ready to eat.
The four kids piled in and started tugging and pulling at various things about my living room. Not in silence of course. That would be weird. Instead, there were screams and shouts as if they had arrived in hell and found the rooms not to their liking.
It wasn't long before it was time to tuck in to the food.
The room became silent as everyone feasted.
I sat and smiled beneficently at the guests.
At one point, Amy looked up from her half-eaten sandwich.
This is marvellous, what is that smoky spicy flavour... It's amazing!
Why thank you!
I smiled like a golden god at her. It was nice to be appreciated.
What is it, is that paprika I can taste?
I nodded happily.
Oh yes, it's just a little oil with a bashed clove of garlic fried in it. Then half a teaspoon of paprika to give it that smoky backbone. Finally just to give it some depth I fried a little chorizo in it. Don't worry though. I fished it out toward the end! Pigs aren't really meat anyway.
Amy dropped her sandwich and looked sick, better than that her daughter Katie made a physical boaking noise.
I grinned and looked back and forth at everyone.
Only kidding vegans!! Tuck in, there is no meat here!!
Everyone groaned and rolled their eyes at Joker Daddy. I took some stuff away to the kitchen.
Or am I?
I murmured softly to myself
Mohohohowharrrr!!!!!
To be honest, it is cool to eat healthy but I still don't understand Veganism 😶...although I don't eat meat, fish & eggs. Why not milk, when cow milk is given as change for mother milk...I could only find excuse in hormons in the milk, pesticides,...and bla, bla....On the other hand, I'm healthier since I don't eat meat,....It is serious exchange of thoughts but what is really worring is the fear and frequency of stress inside the meat from the slaughters...So, imagine that you constantly put that in Your body...😣😥😫
I actually don't eat much myself. I think I eat a healthy amount. The good lady only eats fish and chicken but no red meats. Sometimes she doesnt even eat those things. That means that for an easy life I often eat the same as her.
I never thought of it like that the stress inside the meat.
Yes, it is pure physics...This will a little bit longer explanation. You see Emoto proved that when you take 2 same glasses of water from same tap and to the first one You talk love, love, love and to the other You talk same ugly word,...and than you freeze the water and screen the water crystal. The first water crystal is well shaped looking as diamond...The second doesn't have crystal, it is amorph structure...It is proved that all crystal structures have better qualities/properties than amorph have no good qualities...The same case with animals and with us as we are 70% water...From that law comes stress & fear thing...
I shall have to look online. I love a bit of out of the box thinking and although I am quite matter of fact I do believe there is more out there than we can readily understand!
Yes, cool...Here is the first thing I Googled about Emoto...
http://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/....
I'm Bioresonance specialist that is thinly connected to this what we previously chatted about. By this method you can screen your body & discover the diagnosis and the reasons for that diagnosis, including classical ones: all you know, vitamins, minerals,...from classical medicine, literally everything, gluten also Aaaand influences of the mind, feelings, stress, emotions, fears, electromagnetic radiation, current or passed relationships, different harmed energy flows in the body,...etc.
It sounds like Science Fiction but it's pure truth...
It sounds wild but I am a wildman! I will read this!
Speak to me like your french girls, @meesterboom.
OHOHO! Vegans--can't live with them, can definitely live without all the weird dietary restrictions that when eaten is like the end of the world. Seriously though, I do respect their choice, but don't swat away lamb that has sacrificed themselves for my own enjoyment!
I make it a sounds principle too never say away the lamb. Any lamb!! Yum yum yummy lambs!
Hehe, fromage d'homme still cracks me up :0)
Oh, I have seen that look of horror as a vegetarian or vegan has thought for a moment that they were eating meat. It can be as bad as accidentally copping a feel of the unspeakables. You're lucky you didn't get a slap. lol. The best is the full-on examination that happens when there is a tray of mini sandwiches. Squinting to make sure the product is safe. I would have gladly welcomed the sausage in my sandwich!
Haha, its a great look isnt it. Then they can't really trust you afterward and try to inspect everything in secret. I asked later if it was ok to cut the sandwiches with the same knife as the one I was cutting beef with. Obviously I wasnt cutting beef but it was worth it to see their faces again!
That'll teach them. A life without chrorizo? Not likely! That's one of my favorite meats.
Same here, its awesome. It changes everything! :OD
It is the worst thing that can happen to us, forgetting the guests and remembering them within an hour of their arrival, the good lady was very clever in leaving the kitchen for you, she knows that she always has a tasting of the manga.
Excellent reading dear friend @meesterboom
I wish you a wonderful evening
She was indeed a clever one! A cheeky one even!! A good evening to you too mate!
I love that the guests loved the 'paprika' dish!
And I just don't get why people expect others to know their idiosyncracies and then cater to them. Well if its a real allergy, fine.
One of my daughters announced that she's a pescatarian! No meat, but fish is allowed. She doesn't know that when I make a nice shrimp risotto that the broth I use is chicken broth!
A pescatarian!!! My good lady used to be one of those. I did the chicken broth thing too! I used to make many a dish and forget that I was using chicken stock. Although if I was being perfectly honest with myself I knew what I was doing just pretended I didn't lol
I am all for catering to real allergies, I have baked many a fine gluten free thing for friends with skittery bum disease!
skittery bum disease! can't wait to use that terminology!
Hehe, I love saying that!
good joke to play on those darn Vegans. Muhahaha. way to get their goat, so to speak.
Hahahahaha! Get their goat!! I like it! :OD
I love you video for follower requesters!
Lol, a video for all occasions! :O)
Teach those damn vegans a lesson! Also, vegan cheese? Whaat???
or as my grandmother would say: vulcans
It all comes back to them pesky Vulcans!
Hilarious! So, I have one child with crazy allergies, so she can't have wheat, eggs or cheese (and much more that I won't bore you with) so when searching for recipes I often have to search for Gluten-free-Vegan and then add meat in! Haha!
But seriously, you ought to consider doing an animation about vegans. I have friends that are and they are some of the most hardcore vicious people I know! Now, before I get skewered alive for saying so, I have some friends who happen to be Vegan that are very kind, but the hardcore ones? Ooh! Do NOT mess with them!
Hehe, and that is precisely why I will not do an animation about them lol!!!
Aw man, that's tough. I bet you get done good recipes though. I made gluten free Victoria biscuits once. They were the crumbliest things ever!!
You must be one of the most entertaining people I get to encounter here on Steemit - I think you must be a handful but goodness you make me laugh.
I am glad that be the case! :0)
Tasty vegan food, a first, I don't get why they complained.
Exactly, they should have waited till they got the stinky meat squits later on... I am joking, I didnt really poison them lol!
Well, I still don't really get them. For food, I prefer red meat from cows that smoked, processed using child labour.
And drink... those are the best cows!
Take the tofu and drag it through the grease from cooking baby veal and young wild venison, then cover it with a pate' of balut. It's not considered meat if it is from a baby animal.
Hahaha, this gave me a good chortle!
I understand you perfectly @meesterboom, those unexpected visits from a group of people make us run with everything and especially with food; but, you have the advantage that you are a good Chef ... I hope that the Pulpit's have a good sense of humor and if they do not have it, they simply will not come back, so your task is finished ... I think the Good Lady is going to claim you ... Greetings.
They do have a good sense of humour thankfully!
My friend told me to diligently learn how you do your images with texts.
Because they can add to the post some fun and cool features.
If I ever figure out how to use your godly style please don't flag me too hard :D
Hahaha, I would never flag you!
Handy hint: Use a white picture wider than the screen area. Steemit resizes down but not up so if it is too small it will look weird.
For instance I use 1400 x 220 and type my text on that then insert the picture :O)
Damn, why did I make the 120 x 20 picture and zoom it later.
1400 x 220 sounds much better thx :D
Lol!!
What they dont know wont hurt them ;)
A good and long standing motto!
Fucking vegans... unmercilessly killing vegetables... I've decided if anyone decided to visit me and announces they have turned vegan, I'm going to hand them a bottle of vegan salad dressing and escort them to the lawn. That way I'll kill two birds with one stone, the grass gets cut, they have all they can eat!
A fine idea! I could do the same!
Vegans. Stupid, sexy vegans.
Because they are the natural evolution of humans, ready to destroy us, meat-eating beasts, with peace and love and stuff...
I get it, they are what the vampire myth is based on!
Perhaps they will think twice about visiting the Boom household in the future...It would have been a nice gesture on their part if they offered to take everyone out for pizza. They do have vegan pizza, right?
Oh man, how good would that have been!
I don't know if you can get it though because that vegan cheese didnt look much for melting hhehehe!
Haha! You like to make jokes to the kids while they think you are being serious with meat inside the sandwiches. I sympathize with the kids. Upvoted!
I am a big joker!
"I looked about my beautiful house wistfully. Knowing full well that in a matter of hours it would look tidier if I just set fire to it." Lol.
Reading this, I was thinking, maybe I should come to your house for a vegan sandwich, you seem like you know what you're doing. But after the fake/real chorizo incident, I'm less sure.
I do!! You should! I make cracking vegan or vegetarian food. I am just an awful tease! :OD
May I request a very short video of you "sitting and smiling beneficently at the guests"??
THAT WOULD BE HILARIOUS.
Hilarious and KINGLY! :OD
Horror of horrors.. Vegan??? lol by the way, you look right pleased manhandling that sausage!
Its a cheap one but I must say, I am always mighty pleased when I handle my sausage!!!
You forgot to tell us the name of the female friend....nice story
It's Amy! You didnt vote by the way. See him below, all greyed out? Thats what happens to non voters who comment on my posts
I just upvote you...hope my sins are Forgiven
I also just followed you @meesterboom
That phrase got me "joker daddy"
Never want to go to work after holidays
It's horrible
Nice post
I am very happy to be friends with you, I will follow you but do not forget to follow back so I can update your post
Haha you very funny my friend
Well, when I saw you had commented and talked about following blah blah blah and hadn't even voted on my post I knew you were a conman and a vagabond
I'm sorry, my steem power value is too small for a senior post but I will vote your post, I hope you do not laugh at my small vote :)
I wouldnt worry about it being a small vote. You are more likely to offend if you dont vote
oh sorry, I just found out later if I see your post I will try to upvote
Hello! I followed you, let's increase the power of Steemit together! I hope you follow me. I'm always glad to have a new acquaintance with good people! ;
https://steemit.com/busy/@zahirin/rich-sri-fruit
Oh dear oh dear.
You don't do that. Have a look at the FAQs. https://steemit.com/faq.html#What_is_considered_spam_or_abuse
Done
wow......You talk same ugly word,...and than you freeze the water and screen the water crystal. The first water crystal is well shaped looking as diamond...The second doesn't have crystal.all you know, vitamins, minerals,...from classical medicine, literally everything, gluten also Aaaand influences of the mind, feelings, stress, emotions, fearschatted about. By this method you can screen your body & discover the diagnosis and the reasons for that diagnosis
You copied this comment from @tatjanastan - downvoted
You're a champ