It's August 6th, 2017.
Had he still been alive, we would have celebrated my father's 99th birthday today.
I have good memories of my dad's past birthdays, as it seemed to be one of the very few occasions for which he allowed himself to relax and simply be human.
Since August 6th was still during school summer break in Denmark, we'd typically take several days and spend them at my Aunt's summerhouse, sometimes with an extended group of family members and friends.
A Birthday Festival of Food!
The driveway into my aunt's summerhouse
The day itself always seemed to unfold much the same-- year after year-- and festivities always revolved around food... which has been a typical thing in my family for as long as I can remember.
We'd start they day off with a vast volume and variety of fresh baked goods procured from the local bakery... then it was off to the nearby town which had an active fishing industry. Here, we'd head down to the harbor and get my dad's favorite food: fresh lobster. Of course, that was just part of the picture... we also would pick up freshly smoked herring, mackerel and sometimes salmon. The former was for dinner... the latter for lunch.
After coming back with the fish, a huge lunch of sandwiches, smoked fish and all sorts of other delicacies would be offered up, and we'd all stuff ourselves again... most of the adults "lubricating" their lunch with some good aquavit and beer.
We'd take maybe an hour of rest to let lunch settle, and then we'd be on the move again.
The summerhouse, as it looked in 2015
This time, some of us would get on our bicycles for a short ride to the nearby woods to pick mushrooms (No, not THAT kind of mushrooms! These were chanterelles), while others would roam the 12-acre property to pick wild berries-- usually raspberries, gooseberries and the very beginning of blackberries. I usually went with the mushroom crew as I was really good at finding things.
By the time we'd make it back to the house after many miles of walking, we'd usually worked up a pretty good appetite for dinner of lobster, followed by pork tenderloins with chanterelle cream sauce, and new potatoes and vegetables from the garden... and then my aunt's famous birthday cake, which I am-- to this day-- still trying to emulate.
An Old Fashioned Tradition... Ended too Soon
This rooster decoration has been sitting in the lavender since my dad's days
I remember those summer days as being unusually peaceful. Somehow, a family that wasn't otherwise very close would put aside its differences and just relax over lots of superb food and drink.
And everybody seemed to authentically enjoy themselves.
Maybe it was a very "old fashioned" way to celebrate... acting like "gentry" with fancy food, rather that actually doing anything particularly "fun" or "celebratory."
I am not quite sure why-- of a large family-- it was my father's birthday that warranted such special attention and expense. I can only surmise that it was largely because the time of the year was near perfect in Denmark... it was the warmest part of the year, as well as the time we were most likely to have sunny days and a bounty of food from the sea, forest and garden.
As it turned out, my father died of stroke, some four weeks after my 18th birthday.
Another view of the house from a garden path
And so, that's where the memory ends... somehow, no other family celebrations slid in to take over the hole left by his absence. A couple of years later, I went to the US to attend University... and never returned permanently to Denmark. Sure, I have often gone back for vacations... but somehow it's "not quite the same."
In retrospect, maybe things turned out exactly as they were supposed to. My dad was a vigorous and energetic man, and I don't think he would have dealt well with "being old." In conversations with my mom, she mostly agreed.
Anyway, this memory is for my dad, wherever he might be. I think some part of him would be happy that we still have the house that gave rise to many happy times.
Happy Birthday, Dad!
How About You? Do you have any particularly strong or vivid memories of family festivities from when you were young? Family traditions, perhaps? Are they still going on? Have you created any new family traditions? Leave a comment-- share your experiences and feedback-- be part of the conversation!
Side note: All images in this essay were taken at my aunt's summerhouse where these celebrations took place. The property is still in the family, now owned by my cousins.
(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Published 20170806 17:26 PDT
That is a lovely memory and a strange looking cottage :)
My dad is 81 now and after a stroke two years ago has progressed downhill quite quickly from what I hear as it is all second hand information. When I have talked to him, everything is fine even though he gets tired very fast and sometimes forgets who he is speaking to.
The last time I saw him was in 2011. He visited Finland for his 75th birthday and was still running around. Literally. He challenged my oldest brother to a sit up competition and my brother declined to take part after my dad had set the bar.
It was his birthday not long ago. I didn't have a chance to call him. His birthday was generally a non-event, the way he insisted it be. I wonder if he still feels the same.
I guess the thatch roof cottages are mostly a Danish/Southern Swedish and certain parts of the UK thing... it was a nice place to be, pretty much unchanged since it was built in 1938. My wife and I will be spending a few weeks there in the summer of 2018; looking forward to it.
Your dad (I take it he is still in Australia?) sounds a bit like my stepdad... active, no-nonsense, mostly no-frills life. My stepdad was a "nice enough" guy, born and raised in the UK, southern Africa and Australia, from a generation where men didn't "get close" to anything, or anyone.
It definitely is an idyllic looking place there. It will be nice for you to be 'home' for a bit again I am sure.
Yes, definitely a no frills kind of guy but not standoffish either. Just a focused artist when I was growing up. Probably the friendliest ,open and thoughtless person one could ever meet :)
Your description of the celebration sure does sound very Danish. I can see why going back to this place must be really emotional for you.
Traditions are good for family members to connect. My parents are currently trying to sell their house where I grew up. It is really weird to see the sale sign in front of the lawn. That house is so full of memories and is still the place where the entire family is gathered during summer holidays and christmas celebrations. I am not sure how we will manage the traditions when my parents do finally move..
@ronni, this was definitely a "different time." When my dad died (1978), in some way the "old fashioned" gatherings-- very Danish-- died with him.
Yes, it is very emotional to back now... in some ways, time has stood still here... the place is untouched by the passing of time and I can sense the echoes of the past here. But at the same time, I also stand there and know that we can never go back... because "back" is a feeling and a mood, not a place or an actual thing.
I am grateful to my aunt for more or less "insisting" that my cousins take over the house before she died, with some "creative help" from her. For many of us, it is the only old touchpoint we have now.
I'm sure it must be quite emotional for you to experience your childhood home being sold. Seems these are often time for reflection and to look at what is really important to us.
Your fathers birthday is two days before mine.
We always took an hour drive to the beach where our whole extended family split a beach house. Sometimes me and my mom and brother would spend the whole summer there and my father would come up for the weekends, sometimes we'd go just for the day. The thing I rememeber the most was the drive and looking into other people's windows, curious about what kind of lives they lived and playing "name that tune" with my father. He loved classic rock, Crosby stills Nash and young, stuff like that. He's still around, I hope I can get my US drivers liscense again so next time I visit home I can take him for the same ride and play name that tune with my music
That's a really cool memory-- thanks for sharing that! I hope you DO get to take him on that trip someday. Time traveling can be a very interesting experience...
I really enjoyed reading about your memories and am reminded of how my family was similar. When my great-grandmother was alive the entire family would gather at her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. As long as she was alive she pulled everyone together. After she died at the age of 92 there was never a family holiday where aunts, uncles, cousins, etc gathered. It's interesting how one person can draw people together and their passing causes things to fall apart.
@marxrab, I have thought about that, from time to time. When my dad died, my aunt (whose house that was) became the family's "senior keeper," but she really wasn't that social... so gatherings became something that happened once every 5-6 years... and it was just never the same. It wasn't that we didn't like each other... but there were no threads that pulled us together anymore.
Touching story and beautiful pictures... I love Danish summer houses :)
I'm so sorry about your Dad... I lost mine when he was 57 and me 24, from a heart attack so I feel you...Soon though it would be my grandpa's name day (the 10th), who he didn't make it to 99 either, but 91 is not bad ;)
My Dad's birthday wasn't a big deal (complicated family situation) but Christmas, oh...Christmas...that was a family standard <3
Thanks @meanmommy33... sorry to hear you lost your dad you, as well... the only slight sadness with that is that I really didn't get to know him through the eyes of an adult... I was always "the child." Christmas was another epci time of memories, but for me that was shorter, as it was never quite the same after my parents divorced (when I was 11).
Another sad common thing between us then, mine divorced when I was 6, pfff... :(
But yeah, I get what you're saying... For me, who knew that he doesn't want to get old, it was a relief that he didn't have to. It was devastating for me, but I know, if he's somewhere looking at me now he's like 'hehe I got you, I left 57 and gorgeous!' :) So that eases my mind and my heart a bit :)
So yeah, sad things in common so we need to get back to our happy one, Denmark :D (my God, worst documented summer for the last 38 years we're going through...)
What a poignant story! It's nice you have those happy memories. The pictures are so lovely! I have found that food is such a strong memory of childhood. Excellent family dishes that were part of some tradition take on legend status. Thanksgiving at my grandparents' house in the central valley of California is legend for me. It is still my favorite holiday because of those memories, especially the food, and I can't exactly duplicate the spread no matter how I try. Thanks for posting this, it was a fun read. Blessings on you, and a toast to your dad.
What is so interesting when you consider it, is that those around you or perhaps your own children will feel the very same way about you. That is the one great thing about being a parent, in most cases the love for you is unconditional so long as you are loving them through whatever may come. Love is circular it just flows around and around and can consume you if you let it. For me, it is Christ and the Holy Spirit flowing all around me. Just like denmarkguy, I felt his love in the first post of his that I came across and that is why I started to follow him. I just love steemit! Such a great outlet. My parents both died of cancer when I was a very young adult. That is why i did so much research in holistic medicine, knowing there had to be a better way.
Love and Peace,
Melissa
Thanks for the comment Melissa... appreciate your kind words! Steemit is, indeed, a marvelous outlet for so many of us... and such a great GLOBAL community with so many different experiences shared and to be shared.
:) :)
Thanks for sharing @debouched! You're right, food is a very strong childhood reminder... it's what I remember most of many things, from Christmas to my dad's birthday to other things we used to do.
beautiful houses and property.
If I had my way no one would live on anything smaller.
Agreed... seems to me much of what ails humanity is the result of us all being stacked too close together.
There's over an acre of usable land per human being on the planet... so why do we live in places like Houston, or Tokyo, or Mexico city?
real estate 'developers' and agents.
more $$ for them.
the lots for EXPENSIVE homes now are tiny.
the developers can put more homes in their subdivisions.
crime against humanity .
Those summers sound serene, and it sounds like your family had great taste in food. Lobster rolls are the best--so creamy and with that unique flavor and fullness
My family used to trek from Wash D.C to Hilton Head South Carolina in a white Dodge Van once a year. My 3 brothers and I would cram on the bed in the back and play game boy and whatever else while parents switched off driving. We would rent a different house just about every Spring and we all loved the novelty of exploring the different types of houses we'd wind up in.
Thanks @steemmate-- yes, there was definitely a serenity of sorts about those days, and there was a strange "fullness" there, as well. It's strange in a sense, because we really didn't "do" anything much by modern standards, and yet we were very happy with the days and the ways things unfolded.
Sounds like you had a really nice tradition of your own... good memories.
Right, that fullness can come naturally in families, especially for the kids I think, who are still new to life and find everything amusing
Hey Denmarkguy, It's good that you have the memories. All my best memories of family are from when I was young for many reasons. Everyone being alive is one, but we were also all close as a family should be. Then family politics mixed with family businesses tore everything apart when I was around 17. Over the years family members have passed away without us being in contact for all that time. Kinda sad. So I'm happy I have the memories from when I was a kid and family times were at their peak. As always, thank you for sharing.
Yeah, it's nice to have these memories... and I have come to understand more about why my grandparents so often would "pull out the photo albums" as a pastime.
That summer house is freaking gorgeous mate! And I'm sorry about your loss :[
Thank you! It was a long time ago...