Wow... powerful and deep.
Several thoughts came to mind as I read this. One is the somewhat "chicken-and-egg" dilemma we often face when dealing with authenticity. In order for others to see us as we truly are, we must be brave enough to drop our masks and facades and BE who we truly are. And in order for us to see others as they truly are, they must be brave enough to be authentically themselves. Otherwise, all we're seeing is an "image" projected through our own lenses of perception.
I hope that made sense...
Second is that we are not our wounds. A lot of people who strike out are heavily identified with their wounds. I'm sure you've heard people go on and on about the "reason" something keeps happening to them is because of "the way they were raised." Or someone has bad relationships because they are "replaying" the pain of their parents divorcing when they were little... so they choose unhealthy people they will "divorce." Which brings us back to compassion... we also have to practice compassion for ourselves, which can be far more challenging than having compassion for others. When we lack compassion for ourselves, we run the risk of becoming chronic "givers" who always feel drained because everything feels like "one way traffic."
As for "balance," compassion matters. Love is the answer. But to find balance remember not to lose your own identity in service of compassion for others. Remember compassion for yourself... it's a bit like when you get on the airplane, and they do the safety information gig: "Put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping other passengers."
I agree, it is a great danger to identify as a victim, a victim feels like they have no control and refuse to take any responsibility for the situation they are in; "it is not my fault, someone else are in control". It is easy to feel weak and that everything is hopeless but nobody is ONLY a victim, it is always possible to find a new identity, or just stop identifying altogether.
I agree: starving self-sabotage & nourishing self-love individually can also act as contagious agents to others but for the good.
So lovely seeing you pop up again! I have a feeling I'm going to start getting to know people on here :-) Thank you so much for getting back to me with your thoughts..... And for highlighting the distinction between defining people by their wounds and recognising the wounds that potentially affect their behaviour... It's such an important difference.
However, you hit the nail on the head with self love... Something I've struggled with over the years and continue to work on every day, for sure. I guess that's all the balance comes down to... Making sure your own oxygen mask is on before helping anyone else (such a great analogy by the way, thank you for that! Will definitely be using it in future) :-)