By the way I have RAGE too. It has been controlled for decades now, but there are periods in my life (four that I can think of) that I literally saw red and scared the shit out of people. I never hurt anyone in that state, but oh I came so close. Every time people were terrified of me. I was also terrified of myself so early on I learned how to nip that in the bud. I stopped bottling up anger and I made sure if I was angry the person I was speaking to believed it. I think I got really good at making them believe it and this made me intimidating. I think this is where my "luck" came from. I often wonder if that rage and seeing red is what the historical berserkers tapped into... I came so close to killing a friend once when I saw red, and I swear he was moving in slow motion at the time. That is why I was so terrified and started making people believe me when I was angry. My parents were alcoholics and my home life was not fun, I bottled it up, people picking on me I bottled up.... I was probably 5'11'' at the time... my friend I nearly killed was 6'9'' then. He was bothering me, I told him to please stop and he kind of chuckled and kept egging me on. He didn't mean anything by it. It is simply that bottling up stuff had made it so I couldn't hold more. Before I knew it I saw red and was moving towards him. He was moving in slow motion, twist, twist, and I am sitting on him with his head turned in my hands ready to snap his neck. No punches thrown, no bruises, no one harmed. It was terrifyingly easy. I was not in control. Something stopped me... some sense got through... shock was starting to register.
My friend says "Are you done?" as he sits below me. I rapidly let him go and start babbling at how I am so sorry... I was terrified. So was he. I will say he never messed with me like that again. We were and continue to be friends. He also woke me up to bottling up anger. I never did it again and that is when my rage went away.
Wow. Of course I have a similar story. My best friend is 6'6 and 275. Best roommate I ever had. He was the only one who could stand to live with me. We were messing around one day and it went to far. I can't imagine how funny the "fight" looked. There was also a night when I tried to stop him from beating up a house. No lie. He was punching the side of a house. I tried to hold his arms back so he wouldn't hurt his hands. I flopped around like a rag doll...
By the way I have RAGE too. It has been controlled for decades now, but there are periods in my life (four that I can think of) that I literally saw red and scared the shit out of people. I never hurt anyone in that state, but oh I came so close. Every time people were terrified of me. I was also terrified of myself so early on I learned how to nip that in the bud. I stopped bottling up anger and I made sure if I was angry the person I was speaking to believed it. I think I got really good at making them believe it and this made me intimidating. I think this is where my "luck" came from. I often wonder if that rage and seeing red is what the historical berserkers tapped into... I came so close to killing a friend once when I saw red, and I swear he was moving in slow motion at the time. That is why I was so terrified and started making people believe me when I was angry. My parents were alcoholics and my home life was not fun, I bottled it up, people picking on me I bottled up.... I was probably 5'11'' at the time... my friend I nearly killed was 6'9'' then. He was bothering me, I told him to please stop and he kind of chuckled and kept egging me on. He didn't mean anything by it. It is simply that bottling up stuff had made it so I couldn't hold more. Before I knew it I saw red and was moving towards him. He was moving in slow motion, twist, twist, and I am sitting on him with his head turned in my hands ready to snap his neck. No punches thrown, no bruises, no one harmed. It was terrifyingly easy. I was not in control. Something stopped me... some sense got through... shock was starting to register.
My friend says "Are you done?" as he sits below me. I rapidly let him go and start babbling at how I am so sorry... I was terrified. So was he. I will say he never messed with me like that again. We were and continue to be friends. He also woke me up to bottling up anger. I never did it again and that is when my rage went away.
But seriously, I'm glad you've found a way to control it. It sucks to be a slave to anything... especially bottled up anger.
Wow. Of course I have a similar story. My best friend is 6'6 and 275. Best roommate I ever had. He was the only one who could stand to live with me. We were messing around one day and it went to far. I can't imagine how funny the "fight" looked. There was also a night when I tried to stop him from beating up a house. No lie. He was punching the side of a house. I tried to hold his arms back so he wouldn't hurt his hands. I flopped around like a rag doll...