Obviously not privy to specifics here, but the question at the end is too easy. As if you alone were responsible, and if only you, in your selfishness, hadn't wasted time writing, you could've done something. I don't think that's true. It sounds like a problem involving a bunch of other people, and you don't get to bear the blame for that, my friend. Nor should you.
A part of you saw the value in writing at one point, as was that Winston's right. As it is this Winston's right to no longer see the use ;)
Congratulations to your mother, what incredible show of strength. And to you, because moving through difficulty and navigating change takes a lot of strength, too.
PS: you seem happy with those trees ;)
Yeah, you're right. And thanks for that. For some reason I've always felt I should be able to fix everything. When in reality I can only fix, like, every third thing. Trying to fix it all is exhausting. And it doesn't leave energy for writing, which makes me more than a little bitter and sour-grapes-y.
I was happy that tree fell in the right direction. Here's the before picture.
The insurance company wanted it down, or they wouldn't renew our policy. I said, "If it goes through the roof while I'm cutting it down today, I'm covered, right?" They said, "You're covered until the end of the month."
It's probably in the top-10 dumbest things I've ever done, but also among the most satisfying.
If writing helps you better understand yourself, and find comfort where you are right now, that's fixing enough ;)
Man, that was a lucky fall indeed! Does seem tremendous fun, though, and hey, the insurance guys kinda goaded you on, so it was justified ;)