It is really sad to read that you feel this way. I know I have tried to run away from the idea of being a female myself when I was younger as I only heard negative comments about women growing up, but at one point I understood that this fight was futile. I couldn't be this non-emotional purely logical creature no matter how hard I tried and then I gave up trying to become something I'm not and that was truly liberating. I remember I used to shun everything that was even remotely feminine and avoided colour pink like it was a plague. :D I find it funny now that I think about it, because I have finally embraced also the feminine aspect of me and I'm actually truly enjoying being the full version of me - all silly faults and all. I hope you can find a way to soothe this discomfort you feel, maybe one step at a time, as that would surely be a time consuming process. If you'd like I can share my experience more in depth of how I found my way back to being content with myself being a woman and maybe some ideas or tips could help you. :)