I haven't talked about this subject in a while as I don't want to bore my readers with the same thing plus I am trying to keep my posts upbeat as it helps me think more positive, but once in a while bringing this subject back to the surface is not just good for me its also good for the awareness and maybe one person reading this will take something from it and it might just help them heal.
As most of you know I was abused as a child, sexually by a teacher, mentally and physically by my own parents and by my so called best friend who bullied me all through school, from infants to comprehensive school. I don't want to talk about what happened I want to discuss how to take back yourself, to be yourself again after a tragedy like this. Its important to remember this was there choice, I didn't ask for it, I didn't want to be abused and If I could change it all I would but I can't, they have to live with what they have done, they have to carry this forever, this wasn't my fault
It has took me a good few years to open up about it, I kept it hidden for quite a few years pretending it didn't happen. Then I learned to share and it made me feel better, it felt like I was freeing myself from all the hurt. I have been asked why talk about it, why not just forget what happened. Well it isn't that easy to forget its even harder to forgive and talking about it could help someone else AND why shouldn't I talk about it I haven't done anything wrong
When its happening you feel small, weak, lonely and very angry but you can't show that anger as more abuse will come your way so you lock it down inside you until the abuse stops. So what do you do with that anger, well it can go 2 ways you can turn out like your abuser, I was abused so I then abused or You can change the cycle and be a better person, you can rise above it and live a different way by showing love and being the complete opposite. I chose to be a better person, I took my power back, there was no way I was going to make my girls feel like I did, I wanted them to feel loved, to not live in fear, to stand up for themselves.
Don't get me wrong there have been times I have wanted to lash out with anger as my parents did, it was how I was brought up, channelling that anger into something else is hard but it does work, changing the subject, having a cuddle, going into a room and screaming can let go of that anger. I have thrown the odd pan at my hubby, or anything I have had to hand, luckily he is quick and ducked out of the way. I have learned to control my temper better, I haven't thrown anything for years. I have learned to talk about why I am angry which helps change the moment.
You have to remember its not your fault, the abuse will stop THE ABUSE IS THE ABUSERS FAULT
Thank you Pixabay
I have an addiction to reading non-fiction books about children being abused, I don't read it for the abuse I like to see how they deal with there abuser once they have grown. Some I get angry at because they end up looking after there abuser, taking care of them in there old age, some face up to them then leave them or report them to the police. Everyone is different everyone deals with it differently. Focusing on yourself is the most important thing you can do you have to look after yourself.
Thank you son-of-satire
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thanks for sharing, i work in different orphanages in Guatemala with abused childre, I was abused too in a different way but it creates the same feelings u described, but now i am able to help dozens of children with the same or worse situations that i lived, you are doing awesome, this kind of experiences enriches us a lot.
Sharing helps others who are abused feel less alone. You are doing a wonderful job well done :)
Very well article ,thamk you for sharing.
Thank you for reading :)
I am sorry for your pain. The pastor of a church I went to many years ago was abusing his step daughter as well as some others in the church. Police were involved (thankfully) court, plea bargains, sex offender list, probation etc. Twenty years goes by, last I saw on from pics on FB, they were together for Christmas like nothing had happened....that's the saddest part. I'm more of a never forgive and never forget kind of guy.
I could never welcome them back into my family, I don't understand people who can forget and forgive
Wow Karen, such a hard thing to deal with. Sounds like you've figured out some pretty healthy coping mechanisms. Good for you. It's hard to share like this but I'm finding it's helping me slowly but surely. Thank you for you strength in sharing.
You are welcome, sharing helps to free the hurt, it has took me years but getting better each day Thank you :)
Few things make me angry and leave me speechless child abuse is one of them, I am very sorry that you had to spend dear friend @ karenb54
Its happened nothing I can do about it, just hope my post helps others. Thank you :)
I have kept various abuse related things bottled up for a good 20 years. I am just now learning to talk to about them and open up and made the discovery that different situations invoke the same emotions in people. Just got out an emotionally abusive marriage and plan to write about here. It will be called "Get Rid of the Wanchor".
Hahha brilliant title, glad you have broke free , now look to your future. Let it out, let the hurt free then you can move on :)
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Thank you
It seems like I'm not alone, i suffered the same thing as you, my mind has healed, but my body, the scars are permanent on my face
Thanks for sharing your story, brave lady
It all takes time, these people dont care what damage they do
The world is getting educated now, it happens less than before, but it still happens.
I would like to think it is :)
Yeah same :) i always think that your country is 10x better than mine. I imagine it as a safe haven
No it definitely isn't, Its a difficult place to live
Yeah, i've heard the news, too many refugees, isis invading your country. I hope uk and british culture return to it's beautiful state