Im a nurse in surgery actually, sorry for the confusion!
Ofcourse I remember my first loss, it was actually still in training when i was working on the normal ward. I took care of an elderly demented man for weeks, because as a student I had the time for that. One morning I walked in and his room was empty and i did not make the 1+1 at all, asking where he was. I was such a confused 18 year old hahaha.
But the first patient actually dying under my hands in surgeryas well was weird, because in the end us nurses are the one you talk to as last before going to sleep. The words 'sleep tight, I am going to take my best care of you' are the most honest ones that I speak daily