As a five year old boy my Dad taught me through hard life lessons that it wasn't good to be myself.
I tried, and tried at life.
And every time I tried I'd get my teeth knocked out. So I learned pretty early on that it wasn't good to be the person I was. Not at all. Not in any way shape or form.
So I donned a mask. A shadow of the person that I was. A shadow of the awesome personality that was me. And with childhood abuse it can go two ways. You can fight the good fight, or you can retreat to the shadowy losers corner, half conscious, waving the white flag.
I was the latter.
I had given up trying to be a person. Me. Beautiful me. And if you had met me before my late twenties you'd have thought that I was a totally awesome person. Awesome. One of the best you'd ever met. At least that's what a good few people had described me as.
But not because you liked me for me. But because I reflected your opinions, your thoughts, and your grievances. I agreed with everything you did. It was like looking into a mirror.
I was you and no-one all at the same time.
I was a Narcissists wet dream.
And co-incidentally I met a good amount of them throughout my life.
Yet one fateful day in my late twenties I stood up and asked myself. "Is this all that life has to offer me? Come on! There must be more to it. There must be more to me being everyone else's mirror. Who am I? And what do I want?"
So I sought help. And finally, help came offering. Because help doesn't come to those that don't want it unfortunately. It's sad but that's the way it works.
People can only be helped if they are willing to receive help
Through a long period of recovery, I learned the true extent of which my childhood had affected me, and the difficult and unhealthy path it led me on. I learned the bad choices I had made and the wrong turns I had taken.
I was a broken man.
And now I had the knowledge to heal myself.
Yet this wasn't an easy journey, one that wasn't completed in a week, or a month or even a year. It took a decade, and it's still a work in progress. And I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't get up and try again on many accounts.
And the absolute failure, the past 15 years has been littered with failure.
I failed at a good few things. Teaching teenagers, Astronomy and old friends to name a few. But if I learned anything I picked myself the fuck up, learned from it and tried again.
Those who taste success do so because they've previously drowned in the cup of failure.
And this is why I see failure as I guideline and nothing to beat myself up over. If I fail then I've learned an important lesson on how not to do things. I'm now more knowledgeable than the next person who has yet to discover the exact same path to failing.
Life, it's a learning experience.
Not a path to perfectionism.
Own it :)
Life lessons from dad are always hated but at the end of the day it's makes you smile when you accomplished said lessons.
If there's one thing my dad taught me, it was how not to run my life - he died at 55
I hope you actually see something good he brought to yourself. Maybe not what he hoped but I can tell it was a good one.
Oh he brought me lots of good - in essence he created me! And I am awesome - so another bundle of love to the world. Can't be bad :)
Good read.
We say 'I'm not a banknote, not everybody likes me' ;D
Just be yourself, no matter what!
Life is meant to be lived by you and only you, if who and when you want to include some one in your life make sure to be your self because in the end its you for you.
exactly how I feel, both of you :) - thank you!
:) Thanks
Wise words!
I appreciate it @richman, I really enjoy your posts @lifeisawesome your name says it all, about how your posts reflect your life. I only hope my posts can bring in some inspiration as yours do.
I hope it for you too :)
I agree completely. I've already failed a lot right here on Steemit, but that's how I'm learning how to navigate here. When we stop cringing at failure we can realize how much it's helped us. Great post - thank you.
Yep, exactly. Try, and try harder :)
Don't think about money think about what makes you enjoy life like @lifeisawesome giving out some great content on lessons.
Wise words, wise words indeed :)
I agree! Life is definitely a learning experience. Continuously getting that knowledge to be able to heal ourselves. Love your posts!
Thank you - I appreciate you saying this :)
Life is a daily experience that we must own it as you state. Life lessons from your dad were pretty harsh. "As a five year old boy my Dad taught me through hard life lessons that it wasn't good to be myself." Damn resilience is what you were taught.
That is true! Harsh lesson, but on the bright side I was taught it young! - if you could call that a bright side lol
silver lining.
^V0tE
wellcome my art
https://steemit.com/photography/@romanskv/hunting-for-lightning
If you don't learn something new every day, it wasn't a good day.
That's why we need to play today was a good day from ice cube.
This is a good way to be :D
yes life is not path to perfectionism, we just move on . I agree with you :)
Brilliant! And yes, totally :)
Nice and inspiring post,everyone is unique and everyone have his or her unique path,our failures are supposed to be the step stones to reach the other bank hidden within us where lays ou true being,the enlighted one.thank you for sharing your beautiful words.
Thank you. Such positivity :)
i enjoy reading this, we are not perfect. the struggle in the past makes us strong.
This is so true, thank you :)
God for u
Thank you :)
In a story, you tell a reader what has happened and let a reader make up her/his own mind. But I guess this was never meant as a story, but more as a flow of consciousness. It is framed in the way as a person who talks to himself inside his head since he knows what he is talking about while the reader only gets the second derivative of the described events.
So I guess since the central subject of discussion is not a literary character but the author himself, we can congratulate him on finding himself. Well done!
I really liked your comment. Thanks for breaking it down, and you're right! :)
You should always go forward to develop, regardless of age. Anyone who does not develop at a standstill.
Good post, thank you!
We are never too old to change, try, or develop. Never :)
@lifeisawesome AWESOME Story!
I always called myself as "The oldest 23 years old", why?
because I am so different from people of my age. They worry about what to do on there "Saturday Night" , while I worried "3 Generations from now". But you are right, I may be different but this is my story! :)
Ah, awesome. A lot of my old friends worry about the most inane things. Who said what to who, and why - I always ask them - why do you care?
Its not about how many times we fall,its about how many times we rise.Every single time we fall and rise,we wont be the same person anymore.It would be a better version of ourselves...I've alot failed of times in this steemit but every time I rise, its always a better me...So just keep falling and keep raising.
Exactly right - it's about both. You learn from both :)