I recently took a trip into the Rocky Mountains with my four year old daughter, in what we called our daddy-daughter vacation. It was inspired by an article I read on Upworthy titled, “A dad took his daughter on a trip, just the two of them, and wrote what he learned.” (http://www.upworthy.com/a-dad-took-his-daughter-on-a-trip-just-the-2-of-them-and-wrote-down-what-he-learned)
My daughter was in the midst of a number of big changes in life: she was about to begin preschool and she’s due to become a big sister to a little brother who, ironically, is due to be born on her birthday. My job requires some long hours and a long commute. I am generally gone for about 12 hours per day, which leaves me about 1-2 hours to spend time together with her. The intention of this trip was to spend some time alone before her big changes. I never thought it would impact me as deeply as it did on a number of levels.
The Driving Meditation
We decided to check out Glenwood Springs over a long weekend. One rainy Friday morning, we loaded up the car and took to the mountains to knock out the 3.5 hour drive to Glenwood Springs...with a few stops in between. As I was driving through the mountains and the rain, somewhere between the winding curves and changes in elevation, it almost became a walking meditation through the clouds. My mind focused on the temporary nature of time, how much time I was trading for money, and how little I was devoting towards my family and my passions. It was such a deep, surreal moment as my daughter slept. In some ways, it felt like a glimpse of enlightenment experienced by a Buddhist monk, or something deeply spiritual. It made me resolve something needed to change.
The Socratic Method of a 4 Year Old
One of the places I’d resolved to visit with her the was the Doc Holliday Memorial (my Seemit blog about it https://steemit.com/travel/@lpfaust/centennial-state-diary-historic-places-edition-doc-holliday-trail). In many ways, I think she was excited mostly because I was excited about it. My daughter and I had an awesome hike together and had fun searching for the graves of both Doc Holliday and Kid Curry. As I was reading the biography of Kid Curry to her, it was loaded with all of his most notable heists and killings, so I decided to stop midway.
…and then the questions began…
Initially, She kept asking me about all things Kid Curry. Was he a bandit? Was he a good guy or a bad guy? And so on.
In Ancient Greece, Socrates was genuinely admired for his philosophical understanding. However, he was disliked for his method of uncovering the truth. It was intense questioning of everything in an attempt to weaken the position of the individual being questioned. This method was called the Socratic Method. I swear my four year old child is the reincarnation of Socrates sometimes, but occasionally it brings me to a very deep revelation about my own thoughts and beliefs.
Somewhere in the midst of her interrogation, I responded that people are not good and bad people; it’s the choices they make which define them and their life. Bad choices can sometimes be taken back with good choices and your life path can change, but there are some bad choices which can never be taken back, such as killing.
Once I finished explaining choices and consequences, it got me to think about my own path and the choices I made in life. I came to realize the bad choices I made when I traded my time . I also realized how much fear and expectations, which were not my own, drove many of my choices. In some ways I wonder if that’s why I took up the family trade of accounting: my father did it, his mother did it, etc., but that’s a subject for another time.
Learning the Novelty of Everything from a Four Year Old Child
When I booked our lodging, I grabbed a Groupon for a ski lodge in Glenwood Springs, and thought, “a ski lodge? Probably about 2 miles or so outside of town.” It turned out to be about 10 miles and that colored my opinion the first night I’d arrived. When I called my wife, she asked about the accommodations. My response was, I got what I paid for, but my daughter was overcome with all the cool things the lodge had: a game room with board games, a fire pit, a volleyball court, next to a river, and on and on. Once the Innkeeper’s big, white dog (named Olaf) came over to lick my daughter, she was absolutely in love with the place. Her sense of adventure changed my entire perspective. I started to realize when I was younger, I had this intense love of adventure, and somehow through the years, I lost that edge. It took that moment with my daughter to realize it and I come to truly love the lodge.
As the vacation pressed on, we went to Glenwood Adventure Park and King’s Cavern Cave. We spent the day, riding roller coasters and amusements, baking in the 95 degree sun.
We decided to leave the park about 2 hours before close.
After waiting for about 40 minutes for a gondola to take us down the mountain, we finally had our chance to board. Right at that moment, thunder clapped and the attendant shut down the gondolas to avoid electrocution from a lightning strike. We would now be taken to the back lot and grab a bus down the mountain. I was thinking Motorcoach, but school bus was more the bill of fare this evening.
Needless to say, everyone was upset. When I looked over at my daughter and asked if she was good, she looked at me with sparkling blue eyes and a huge grin, “I’ve never rode in a school bus before.” Her sense of adventure seemed to give my own soul the therapy it needed. I had such content driving in a blue-colored, aluminum convection oven down the side of a single lane, dusty mountain trail.
In that moment, I began to plan changing the path of my life to something different, with the correct motivations for my choices.
At that moment, all I could do is look at my daughter and admire that she really is all the best parts of me.
The Universe is a Funny Thing….
So, within a few days of returning from my vacation, I am no longer working at my former job. Seems when something is placed into the universe, you may receive it, just not in the way you expected. Life goes on and another adventure awaits me.
Thankfully I have my four year old therapist to guide me through this. Wish me luck.
Glad you found the family connection.
Kudos for making the choice to be more available for your family. I regret none of my decisions to be with mine. :)
Thanks for taking the time to comment. You know I think the toughest part of this is the period of transition, mostly as it relates to the uncertainty of how things will eventually resolve.
I think a host of other things I did not include in my blog played into this as well: death of significant family members, I am about to celebrate my birthday which would place me at the same age as my father when he died and an initial diagnosis of Chrons Disease I received earlier this year, that was discovered to be a misdiagnosis after scoping my GI. I think in many ways, the focus of just dealing with the present did not give me ample time to reflect upon my own needs.
One thing this experience did do is make me rethink the value of my time and what I am willing to trade for it. It is sure to be interesting times for a bit.
Some of the hardest times we've had, as a family, are where our best memories have come from. :)
I love the joy of children for small things, in our eyes. They can be happy with "nothing" because they have no expectations. And they are not afraid so they have no shame.
It's fantastic to learn from them.
And I'm glad you were openminded enough to see what was "wrong" in your life. Good luck :-)
Thanks for checking out my blog. I have never really been one to share much about my life and my deeply personal thoughts and experiences, so I appreciate you took some time to check it out.
There were many moments she was very quiet and I thought something was wrong. When I asked if she was okay, she responded to me that she was good, she was just enjoying the moment with me. There is something very powerful and humbling when a child wants nothing more from you than to just sit quietly in your lap and watch the world go by.
After this trip, the impression I have is that therapy has just begun. Sometimes a child can be the mirror you need to see the unvarnished truth about yourself in a way that no words can ever explain. It's the choice of what to do with that unvarnished truth, I guess, that defines the path.
She is my greatest treasure.