Getting married young seems to be a thing these days. Even the Internet shows us the benefits of getting married at a young age. There might be an advantage of settling down early but I am going to show you what I know. A couple of stories from my experiences that could be another insight if you're going to get married at a young age.
The media shows us married at young age seems to be a cool thing. We could be a young daddy/mommy with a cute child to show off around the social media( Youtube and Instagram). These days, it is also common for a baby to have their own Instagram account and sometimes they can earn just for being a cute adorable thing people love. I think in a way, it gives a sense of pride for the parents but hey, let me take you to another side of the coin.
I have couple of cousins and friends who got married at early twenty, have children and get divorced only two years after the baby was born. They were not ready and didn't really know that having a child means a huge responsibility. It was not something they signed up especially with the thought, they haven't see the whole world yet. And it was still an exciting activity they wish to do. Meanwhile, their friends are still having fun, they just stuck with a job and a children.
Well, I would not say I am a victim of such situation but I shared the complication of having parents who got married at early age in the name of so-called love. I sometimes think to myself , if people ever thought of responsibilities that might come being a parents and not only relying on love.
It was just yesterday I went to the bank to renew my personal data. I walked in to the customer service with less enthusiasm as I dealt with them previously and turned out to be a horrible experience.
Inside the office, I was greeted by a female officer who would help me. I sat down and explained my intention. It was all fine until she asked me for my ID card. She glanced at my picture and myself for a second, then proceed typing my name on her computer.I waited while tapping my shoes and a moment later, she told me that my last name was missing and considered as missmatch. I wonder if it is a bank procedure to verify someone by asking other personal questions.
The officer ,proceed asking me question ' What is your mother's name?'. It was a simple and instant question yet it took me couple of minutes to think. I simply forgot which mom's name I used to register myself. Then, I said my adoptive parent's name. Dissatisfied with my respond, she proceed asking my father's name. And again, the same thing happen. This is common mundane problem that I often face from time to time since, each of my parents expect me to have different bank account.
The only benefit I have is perhaps, I have the chance to craft my identity whichever I like. I can pick any side that benefits me most in a particular situation. There are another cases where confusion happens.
Another case
I have a nephew who call his grandparents as mom and dad. His parents were divorced while he was only one year old. His mom left him stranded and runaway with another man. My uncle and aunt then, taught the young boy to consider them as parents. I wonder what kind of family tree that he would draw, but I only expect someone have to tell him the truth since he's only 5 years old now.
Another case
Still relates to the first case, this time, it is my own step brother who considers our grandparents as father and mother. He never consider our mom as mom yet calls her a sister. He is quite a troublemaker and our mom could never get hold of him nor getting his respect. I can understand, cause well, our mom is one of a kind.
Not every person in my situation is willing to know the whole history. I was curious enough. And whenever I try to express my curiosity to my adoptive parents, they were only telling their side of story. I would never know what the real story. My whole searching taught me, truth is what I think it is.
My sister was adopted under an open-adoption. She knows, she was adopted since early age and has fewer issue than myself. Her legal documents were still under our biological parents name and life was not a lie for her. Only obviously the feeling of abandonment is there. Despite our parents are somewhat well-off and coming from educated background till today we are still wondering why. It is a feeling that my sister and I could barely get over as if we were unwanted.
Furthermore, according to an article published by CNN, an Adopted children at greater risk for mental health disorders is somewhat true. I personally never have to live in an orphanage but have already faced several complications. I think those who have lived there, will most likely have more problems than I do. Yet again, it depends on the family who adopted them. Mine happen to be somewhat OK.
Conclusion
In the end, ask yourself once again if you are sure to sign up for all the complication and responsibilities being a parents. The least thing I want to hear in next couple of years, is a story similar like this.
So, It's better to get yourself a condom instead complicating someone's life in the future.
That's an interesting view of things. In the UK people tend to marry later rather than earlier although teen pregnancies are common.
My parents generation married young. My mother had her first child at 19 and her last me, at 26. I didn't have my first child until I was 29.
But then consider, my dad left school at 13 and the youngest a "child" can leave now is 18.
So I think a bit part of how successful a young marriage is depends upon the culture and time within which that marriage takes place.
My dad was earning and holding down a full-time job at 13 my son had to wait until he was 18. Having a job adds a lot to our maturity I think. it's not always about age but more about what we have already experienced in our lives.
I absolutely agree with you. I married young and had children young. I'm enjoying having grown children! But there is nothing in the world like pressure from your parents (now grandparents) and the pressure of a society that (at that time) expected us to grow up and meet our responsibilities as parents. Today, it feels like the grandparents just keep providing for their children and raise the grandchildren, too.
At any point. I totally agree the lack of training our young people into mature adults is the issue.
Don't get me started on the grandparents thing?!!! 😁
LoL there's definitely the good the bad and the ugly
@gillianpearce, thank you for leaving me a feedback. I am 20 years old and my parents generation married a little bit later which I think it still reflects in a way to my generation. However, having to live in the eastern part of this world were education was substandard, many of my friends are already having children and settling down. Also because it was a culture that I can say was merged with the Faith that the people believe in since married means eliminating adultery.
Furthermore, age is mere a number and that doesn't reflect one's understanding about life. I have seen it quite well from the people surrounds me.
Thank you kindly for this article with a different slant. You really come into your own when you wander off the beaten path. :c)
Providing a look at family structures with their imperfections and all helps us to understand that there are many paths in life - including in terms of relationships. Also - one is never so wise as to be proofed against failure. It simply can happen. It does happen.
Of course the children are the ones who bear the brunt.
Thanks again.
My dear, I'm very sorry your family tree is confusing to you but I am thrilled that they all managed to create you and keep you alive until we could meet. You make me smile and give me stuffs to ponder.
If they had dawdled about for another 5 to 10 years, they might have wised up to the fact that they didn't really like each other and you might not have ever happened. That would be tragedy and traumatic ;-)
Hi @macchiata this is a great and very thoughtful post. Awesome.
I came from a very conservative family and have also found many similar cases as you mentioned above. I choose different path from my cousins. I choose career and education first which sound super cool for the western world but scary to mine :D Anyway, when I came back from getting a higher degree abroad and having good career in my country, some people successfully brainwashed me with the idea that my what they called ""too high education and good career" had caused me being single on my 29th. But at the end I finally found my another half (foreigner) who is proud to have me for what ever I have and I want to achieve in the future. We are married for one month now, in two month I will be 30 years old and I am happy. so I believe the biggest challenge in every culture is "not to bother what other's think about what we plan for our future" especially about marriage and having baby. And we have to remember that our decision will not only justify our future but also the future of human being that will come from us.
;-) My daughter has had 4 children after 30 ... not that that was on her agenda but hey! Children happen.
Good to know that ^^ I wish I could have 4 or maybe more children after 30 as well 😊
I was 26 when I got married and we agreed after maybe 12 hours of dating. The difference between me and my peers was maybe a few years but I knew what I wanted and so was my now husband. A huge number of my peers divorced and I can say they were completely unprepared and with time they were no more a fit to each other, while in my case a situation is completely the opposite.
good one macc. I have to give u props for dealing.. i couldn't imagine if i had the same situation. I think there are many pro's that look so appealing to young people.. about married life and babies.. but, only after do all the con's show up! :P
I think this trend is exclusive to certain countries which are still in the process of developing. But the people who are able to look outside of their conditionin can see all the negative sides of this very easily. I have such horror stories from people I’ve met who were in a hurry to marry...