A thing has happened. A terrible thing. I have been presented with a most difficult challenge. One which I have faced before and I am afraid to report has gone badly almost every time.
But what is this thing?
There I am, doing the do in work as they say when it happened.
Mr D, one of the chaps in work sauntered over. He picked at an imaginary piece of fluff on his shirt.
Alright boomdog he said, a little too casually.
Not bad mate, glad it's Friday
There was a pregnant pause. The air hung, oppressively heavy. I could almost swear I heard the lonely howl of a wolf.
Mr D stared at me, the tension was palpable. What was it? I wondered. Is the sky falling down?
Few of us going out after work, he murmured as if surreptitiously buying a vibrating sex toy. Fancy it? Just a couple of quiet beers, nothing mental.
I hummed like a slightly defective gazoo. To say I was sceptical would be putting it mildly indeed.
Just a couple, aye?
Aye! Just one or two, you know... Nothing mental.
Yer arse I thought. I had danced this dance one too many times. Just a couple led to me coming home at two in the morning clutching a pizza like a life belt and falling asleep on the couch smelling of donkeys and stale beer.
And this, this is the man thing.
Is it possible to go for just two drinks after work?
Is it a Scottish affliction that two drinks so often turns to ten?
I looked back at Mr D. Definitely a bad idea. But then, bad boom chimed in my thoughts.
Hey, You're a a grown man. You can manage just a couple. Can't you?
Somehow I found myself nodding and just like that my fate was sealed. It will be cool. I can have one or two then get the train. I told myself. The good lady won't mind. I will just be an extra hour or so max.
Hey chick! Gonna pop out for a beer after work with a couple of the guys, that's cool aint it?
Of course darling she will reply sweetly. Of course, if you roll in at midnight stinking of booze mumbling something about someone called Ralphie, I will fucking kill you. You understand?
Thats my girl you see. She knows how the game is played.
She knows that one of my many superpowers is the inability to withstand peer pressure. In fact, worse than that. Two sniffs of the barmaids apron and I am often the one instigating that we stay out for just one more
However. As bad boom muttered in my head. I am a grown man. Surely this once I can keep a leash on the howling dawg inside me. Two beers? That can't be so hard? Can it?
So long as I can remember...
When the cry goes up to buy shots, especially tequila - politely refuse.
And also to avoid
Drinking a bath tub full of beer and countless spirits and rolling home smashed at 4AM.
Am I daft? Can I beat the man thing and actually go out, be sensible and go home for a reasonable time?
Or will I forlornly be sleeping on the couch? As long as I do not ride a donkey home like that time in Gibraltar I will be fine.
Wish me luck!!
Have a good weekend SteemDogs!
We suffer the same affliction here in Belgium.
Poor souls like us stand no chance in front of this powerful beverage.
I am very glad to hear it is an affliction which spans countries. I was worried that we were alone in this!!!
you know there's someone who'd love to do that
the last time I checked he's suffering in comfort haha
It's the best way to suffer!! But who, who can this be?
Go aan!
Get another 'ane!
Set 'em up, boys!
I predict this NOT going well... especially if you smell like donkeys... donkeys?
And you were all quiet and shy in Amsterdam...
Let's hope you come out of your shell a little more in Lisbon!
Quiet and shy my arse!!
I can't go!! Baby number 2 arrived in October sob
Oh Congratulations!
On another note, Trev says he'll be in Scotland before October and if it's just a short trip, I'll come along with him and we'll nip over to visit you if you like!
Wouldnt that be smashing!! Aye!!
Absolutely!
lol
I just sketched this "Happy Steemians", I think to add some beer in this sketch :D
Aw that's so cute!!!
There's no real point in writing a reply to this right now, is there? Odds are you won't read it until tomorrow.
Hahaha, I was thinking about that too.
Lol, now in an hours time that might be true! :O)
LOL. I think a woman should write this about.
you did it all the same!! :)) but i was wondering the same thing
What's the point of going out at all if you don't ride a donkey home in the wee hours of the night?
I have often argued the very same thing! :ODD
Cheers and good luck at keeping it at just two... :-)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=89NjEeHku8o
As soon as I can get soewhere where I can hear this then I shall!! Cheers mateychops!!
Have a splendid weekend Mate!
Will see how this one battles my cold:
Oak aged beer, brilliant!
INNIS & GUNN! Its amazing! Have a good one mate !! Banish tha tcold!
Thanks! I&G, Rum finnish and original, love the taste of both. They will cast the cold away! And if not then at least I enjoyed a nice brew. :-)
I assume that you are not scared to die? You are a man of courage my friend. Taking on a pregnant woman with raging hormones...I would definitely think twice!
Oh noes! I had entirely put it out of my head that she is pregnant. Maybe I have baby brain?! I should probably phone in the next ten minutes :O)
Stop!! You have give me the fear! I have now gained permission! I will have a few then be off :OD
True bravery is arriving home drunk after a very late night out with the boss, and when you arrive home and your wife waits for you with a broom...you still have the guts to ask...Are you cleaning or are you flying somewhere?
Or you can ask if she is gonna sweep you up a storm in th ekitchen!
You will need a few more than two to build up courage for that...I wish you well..I will look out for your next post tomorrow...if you survive!
It has begun...two has become a few...where will it end!!!
not at number 4 at this rate!
I think we may need a @meesterboom beer count post, or maybe just a picture of you surrounded by all of the empty glasses every 30 minutes hahah
Get those bags packed for #steemfest2 ya tall lanky bawbag! Happy days ahead soon :) Wain coming? OK may I be your representative?? :)
Wow, you most certainly could. There has to be a scot there!
I am highly honoured @meesterboom :))
Man, I can't tell you how much I relate to this story. Just a couple...lol!
Yeah, it's never gonna happen!!!:0D
If you come home with one shoe and a genital drawing on your forehead then you can join my husbands support group for men who 'just have two beers!'
Hahahahah, well one thing I can alsways be glad about I suppose is that I have always made it home with both shoes! The drawing however I have not been so lucky Lol!
Who ever thought that beer would lead to this much success?! You're on fire @meesterboom!
I like to think it is my simply stunning good looks ;0)
Hey man, for sure your wife thinks that you are stunningly good looking!
She does, bless her amazing eyes ;0)
:)) funny, but for me 2 pints is really pissed territory :D
I'm so weak.
I'll never be a real man in Scotland.
I'll never win my kilt.
:(
I must prepare.....
more beer!!
No?!! Say it isn't true? Surely you are joking? Well, regardless of that you are an honourary scot in my eyes always dude!I made it home! It's only 1, I am quite pleased with myself!!
Ya post sounds like a starter I’ve enjoyed reading it and… still smiling… Prosit)))
Thank you! and Prosit!!
Another vid!! I shall watch as soon as able!!!
Thanks for sharing
Upvoted followed
Just wait till you are older...then all it takes is one or two and you will be doing all the aforementioned acts!
Haha, well money wise that could be quite a good thing!!!
haha rode a donkey home once did you?
Once in Spain the was genuinely a donkey ride. But boringly it was legit and we did pay :0)
Haha, I agree with you there... Never easy getting just one or two beers after Fridays work.
I like how you put the text together, really enjoyed reading it.
Have great weekend.
Cheers man!! I like to be a bit inventive with my posts!!
I noticed! already checked up a bunch of your old posts, there is something about em that I really enjoy.
Continue your way, looking forward to more :)
Smashing, glad you liked em! I must be doing something right :0)
Absolutely!
Best of luck- do honour us with an update tomorrow!
Very well written post.
Tomorrow is my beer day proper. That may be in danger!
I'll settle for the day after tomorrow then! Having spent the best part of the past 4 years among Greece's surprisingly many Scottish expats, I can imagine that 'beer day' is 'rest day eve' for you.
Well, almost! Sounds interesting. I will be gicing you a follow!
Much appreciated! I'll be sure to write something on it tomorrow. I'm very very new (these are my first few comments ever on Steem) so it may well turn out to be pish, but it's an interesting story indeed.
Mate, if you say things like pish and have a username like yours I genuinely can't wait!! This is a great place. Just post and enjoy!!
Oh, there must be a follow up to this post...unless of course you were responsible (boring) and went home after a couple. No follow up required for that ;)
I went out me self tonight, to a cidery where my brother was playing. I had a few more than two, but I still managed to hydrate enough for the rather long trip home and in fact I had a very pleasant buzz and the radio turned up, I'm convinced it's much more fun to drive whilst buzzing (unless of course I had been pulled over, different tune I would be singing then)
Oh! Your story reminds me of a song...
Don't worry, I was not boring. Stoated in after 1pm pizza in hand. Ah it was a fine night although I am a tad delicate today!!
Haha, fine song! I am glad your buzz wasnt ruined by being pulled over. That would have been a rubbish end to a night!!
Excellent! Except the delicate part ;)
I am glad it wasn't either, (rubbish, I love that word haha) though there really was no reason for it, I wouldn't have been behind the wheel if I wasn't steady enough to be there :)
I have had two coffees and an omelette and feel fit enough to face the world!! Or a kids party which in fact is the next ordeal! Cider often makes me terrible the next day so you are lucky!
Lol, and have been able to watch/listen to the video. Hehe, yes its quite apt!
This cidery is something special, I don't do well on the store bought brands myself, but perhaps being fresh off the presses makes a difference. They introduced strawberry rhubarb cider for the first time last night and yummmm :) That in combination with good company and good music, not much more you can ask for.
Breakfast foods are most certainly what you want for a hangover, I'm not sure what it is about eggs...I get the toast thing :) Coffee, well it helps to clear my head, but it doesn't always help with, ermm, other faculties. Except once I'm cleaned out I feel much better so in that sense, hahaha!
Lol, I am cleaned out! Still feel a bit bewildered but you can say that's my natural state hehe
That does sound like some fantastic cider. I do like fresh ones when you can get them local
The suspense...All the luck to you!!!
HAhaha, I am on the first now and so far it looks like I can do it! I can maybe really do it! Maybe!
Yes, of course...maybe, somewhat, kind of...perhaps??? ;)
One must always hedge ones bets! ;O)
hahaha actually WHAT KIND OF SUSPENSE IS IN THERE?
Nooo don't do it! It's a trap!
You know you could be right! All this time I have thought that it was me that was weak and instead it isn't. It's an insidious trap being laid by others! I am vindicated! Perhaps I should have more beer!
I don't see what other choice you have to be honest.
You are smashing!
I am silent, No Comments @meesterboom
HAhaha, I think I will follow you now!
OOOO....... Thanks :)
Thanks for sharing. Upvoted.
Cheers!!
Hahaha!! So relatable. No, I do not think it is possible to only go out for two drinks...
Unless they are only dragging your ass along because you are and I quote...
Followed by a sly smile.
HAhahah, definitely not that! Cheers man!
I love your line about you "humming like a slightly defective gazoo", it made me chuckle. :D
Hehe, thank you! I liked that one myself! :O)
You're welcome. :D Take care. :D
I love being a man and love being a thing.
If my $8.95 Time Zone watch is correct, at about right NOW you've banished the donkey to the garage, the divan is still fully fluffed, and you are safely ensconced under the comforter with the Missus.
" Is this a dream?... I think not, for he's a manly man."
(Will they let you on the train there with a barnyard animal?)
Nearly all of those things are true! Donkey banished, safe home however am currently wrestling with a 16 inch spicy pizza. The missus is going to love my scent!
Ooh, amore di' anchovio...
Mmmm anchovio!!
On Sunday, when you are able to read small prit again, you are a fortune teller, you predicted each event, and then put on your "I Am A Man" face and did it.
The head will slowly subside, the wife will start talking again next week, and the world will stop wobbling until the next invitation.
you gotta have a go occasionally.
Hehe, that is true. I sincerely hope the head is gone by Sunday . It's all a bit wobbly just now which doesn't bode well!!
You can do it @meesterboom! Let us know if it was just a couple, and if you had to sleep on the couch! Have a great weekend!
I made it past the couch, I was mad drunk and am paying for it now!
There comes that point during the night when you realize that you're really not that drunk, and as late as it is, you might as well just stay up all night now, you'll be fine tomorrow/ today. At that point, throw away the business card for Joe's Donkey service that the barmaid gave you a few hours prior.
HAhaHAhAhahaa!! I know that pointwell! I am looking forward to it! I shall throw awa ythat card!
Well, unless you don't mind being called a pussy you ain't getting away with just two, but that's all right, cuz you're a man who can handle his brew :)
Oh I sure can! At least I always think I can till Ican no longer hold my phone properly and every thing seems really far away!
...oh, I've been there before, bro. I've been so smashed that I didn't recognize my own street and couldn't find my own way home! It's a small miracle that I've never spent a night in jail for drunkenness, TBH, or "highedness", for that matter.
Yeah, I have often wondered the same. I think I genuinely tried to fight a tree one night because it kept bumping into me :O)
Hahaha... wish I was there to see that. There's no way I could resist filming and uploading something like that to YouTube. It'd probably be my one and only upload to go viral :)
...and then you'd sue me for making profits off of your follies...and you'd win...and I'd be dirt poor and living in the streets, begging for left-over breadcrumbs from McDonald's paper wraps...but it would still be worth it ;)
This cracked me up. "Just the one" or "A quiet one" is the usual thing we say that leads to stumbling home at closing time...
It's going that way!!!
Anything is possible, when we drink in the afternoon!
Hurrah!!!! I'll drink to that!!
deserve upvote and resteem...
Post you nice i like ...... i have upvote you and follow you please follow and upvote me ya friend steemit
Thank you for reading, I shall certainly watch out for your stuff :0)
Wishing you all the luck :)
I feel like him in top gun
Tread softly, Thrre's a big stick waiting!
Hopefully to knock some sense into me!!! :0)
upvoted followed
Milk is for babies Beer is for men.
I think you're going to get over the man thing when baby number two arrives haha Right now you're still in the "new" father stage. But when the next boom baby rolls around, you're going to be switched to full-on veteran for sure. The man thing will rear its head years from now, but by that time, your children are already grown and your eldest is on her way to rule the Kingdom of Britannia. All hail!
Haha, will you could be right. I am definitely taking advantage of any man thingness before it is time to batten down the hatches!! Then it's back to full on fatherhood!! :0)
Oh hey, you could always chug some at home and make Sabeerday all day every day haha! You wouldn't need to worry about drunken shenanigans outside, because you'll be technically at home for the entirety of it :D
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