It had been some days now since I had been diagnosed as a fat bastard.
Ever considerate of others. I had taken it upon myself to self isolate, lest I spread my foul contagion onward.
Over and over again, I found myself wondering...
How could this have happened?
To me, of all people?
It wasn't fair.
The attic, my guitar-themed man cave always seemed like a welcoming place but now?
Now it was a prison to me.
I stared mournfully out of the window at the incessant rain and made a sad noise like a pigeon with one foot.
What would become of me? Would I ever recover?
I heard a thumping noise and snapped my head around to see what it was.
It was the Good Lady, tramping up the stairs.
Hey you. You coming downstairs, you've been up here for ages?
She asked, get eyes roving around the room in the hunt for stray signs of masturbation.
No. I'm not coming. I'm a fat bastard. The woman at the gym weighed me. It was not good.
I mumped as I heaved my giant frame onto a chair.
The Good Lady shook her head affectionately.
Silly Daddy. You look fine. So it can't be that bad. What weight were you anyway?
She laughed good naturedly.
In return I looked at her sullenly through my big fat eyes.
Oh come on. Tell me. I don't care what weight you are. I'll still love you!
She tilted her head to the side in that way that suggested naughty things with hands.
Go on. Tell me?
She smiled.
I told her.
The smile slipped from her face as the awful weight of the numbers I spoke hit home.
Numbers so large that their enormity could barely be grasped by the human mind.
No!?
She gasped, her head shaking in denial.
No??? It can't be
She started backing down the stairs then turned and ran screaming.
Noooooooooooooo...
I sighed. I understood completely. Who would want to be a Princess Leia to my Jabba the Hut?
I went back to staring out the window.
lol.. that will never happen to the ruggedly handsome sir meesterboom! But it's a hilarious fantasy and that artwork is killer!
Lol. That was one of my best ones for a while I thought!
So you have to give up the beers then? O_O XD
I may have to... ahem show more restraint? Yikes!
If you are serious, [and with you, who knows], have a look at "Little Old Man Running"
when he started he was growing a nice little? Greek fed potty below that manly chest.
now, he is a trim mean **** machine [in his words]
he is the boy. I am allowed to be proud
Hey dude!!
You are indeed! It is one of those predicaments I find myself in now and then and I usually sort it with a bit of exercise. I have high hopes it will be the same again!
Ha ha, those gym wiegh ins can be brutal.
I probably shouldn't tell you how much weight I've lost in this keto diet.... I'd say it was worth it.... but I'd be lying.
a diet of fish, eggs and cauliflower for 2 months is enough to reduce even the toughest gym toting boot camp enthusiasts to a shivering carb craving gollum lookalike.
Bring us the breadsis my precious.... We wants the pasta... We must have the cakesis 😂
You're better off fat boomy!
I do fucking love the breadsv and the pastas but man, I don't live the bloating and big belly!!
!ENGAGE 30
Then again, your current thing sounds terrible! No broccoli? I bet you have lost a shedload.
I have previously one stone to lose. I am quite cheerful about that!
I might have over exaggerated the limited-ness of what I can eat. Yeah, I can have broccoli (but have to limit it cause there are carbs), cheese, nuts, cream and basically high fat stuff with no carbs in. Plus lots of protein, but again only foods with very low carbs.
Been on it two months and lost just shy of 2 stone in that time. I'm thinking of transitionig off the full keto soon as my target was to drop from 17.3 stone to 15 stone and I'm currently 15.5. Not long to go now... it ain't no fun living without bread!
Or beer :(
Ouch, that's right. The beer!!!
Fuck, an orderly transition now you have got the 15 is well in order! That's great going though mate. Well done!
I'm hoping for a 6 or 8 weeker for mine. I'm going in hard. I will still have a beer in a Saturday though :0)
I gotta come off the keto diet real carefully or all the wieght just piles back on in weeks lol
It's a crazy thing but when you're body goes into ketosis it is basically changing to metabolize fat instead of glucose, same as in starvation mode. So if I just bought a 6 pack of larger and scoffed a pizza, first it would make me sick as a dog probably, but also all that good work would be wasted.
I got a plan though. Careful increase of carbs to a healthy ratio with fat and protein, then after I got that dialed, then it's beer-oclock ;-)
@raj808 you have received
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At a certain age it is easier to gain weight than it is to lose even a little. The pain is real, I know, hang in there mate!
It's weird eh, the order you get the more you feel like living in the blue and the more your body gets all I'm storing that up!!
It is absurd. The nose and ears keep growing,for some reason, maybe to compensate something. Loss of hearing, bigger ear-shells, loss of eyesight, bigger nose!? Really, I do not get it. Hair getting thinner, but a beard can be grown?
Wut, why!? And the things that might be nice to see it gain mass and length, forget it. Everything else is shrinking, skin wrinkles and folds.
At some point all ears and nose, plus lots of fat. Why!? No logic there for me.
Luckily there is beer to help forget.😁
Jabba the Hut was the shit
He was indeed. Weighing the same without his Galactic super villain base and gang ain't quite the same!
So somebody lectured no one votes everything an author posts. I said I don't I think there are people follow writers and vote for everything do if they know they posted because - Hahahahhahahaahahahaha LOLOLOLO I'LL OLOOLOLLOOLLLL
Lol. Cheers man!! I saw that one, it made me chuckle :0D
How did you hide the signs of stray (rampant) masturbation so quickly? Lol.
I have been gifted with the skills of the ninja!! :0D
Quite clearly. Lol.
;0)
'She started backing down the stairs then turned and ran screaming'
Don't take it too hard mate. Seems to me for her today was a kind of Back Fat-"payback-day" from a week ago ...
She does have a long memory and she was particularly pleased seeking when she found out my weight. I should have lied!!
A long memory you say. Agree totally, but only when it suits them best.
Women, they're all the same ... (just like what they say about us)...
Jabba is legendary in status; despite his physiology he has a tough hide, long life, and is immutable to Jedi mind tricks! It’ll be alright mate!
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There's a spin I didn't expect. Yeah, it will be smashing!! :0D
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