What was that?!
Squealed the Little Lady in terror as an earth-shaking rumble cracked the air outside the house.
We were standing at the window staring out at the blizzard of wind and snow that was swirling through the UK thanks to Storm Ciara.
It was your mummy farting.
I said reassuringly to her, putting a hand on her shoulder.
Daddy-Bear! It was not me farting! Apologise!
The Good Lady was mortified in the way of wives the world over at the mere suggestion that her pruney willow breathed out like the rest of us.
Was it you, Mummy? Were you farting?
The Little Lady was giggling like mad at the thought of her mummy parping on the bum trumpet.
It certainly was not. It was thunder. From the storm.
The Little Lady made her mouth into an 'O' of fear.
Thunder, mummy? Are we going to die?
She let out a slight squeak.
No, darling. We are not going to die.
The Good Lady chuckled slightly as if her leg were being mounted by a small dog with a squashed face.
Actually. What is thunder?
Wondered the Little Lady, her voice coloured with awe.
Well, when a bolt of lightning is formed, it heats the air around it to a huge degree almost making it explode outward creating a booming sound that is very very loud.
The Good Lady explained rather splendidly.
She was about to carry on further when I raised a hand authoritatively upward.
Stop... Stop! Lass, do you really want to know what thunder is?
I said in a mighty voice worthy of a man who had once killed two mice with a shovel.
The Little Lady's eyes lit up.
Yes, please, Daddy!
Ignoring the Good Lady's gazumped and snarky face I scooched down and started talking in a Bard's whisper.
Back in the days of old. When we Scots lived up in the High lands, close to the very skies themselves. There was a God named Ciara. She was a mighty God with an even mightier temper. It was said when she got angry with her God husband, Tam, she would rattle the pots in her kitchen and the mighty clanging booming noise of it could be heard from miles away.
I waved a hand expansively at the window as if there were common folk outside, gathering for the scraps from my table.
And do you know what we, the good folk on the hills would say when we heard that mighty roaring clatter in the sky?
The Little Lady's eyes sparkled.
No, Daddy. What did they say?
She gasped excitedly.
I paused and in a fearsomely deep voice, rumbled.
They looked up to the skies and said... that's Ciara bangin.
At that moment as if the fates themselves favoured my tale, another rumble of thunder rolled around outside.
Daddy!! Daddy!! Was that Ciara bangin????
The Little Lady asked excitedly.
I stood up and ruffled her hair before smirking sidewards at the Good Lady.
No lass... That was your mummy farting.
In a thousand years time when the ice caps melt, the poles reverse or some other global catastrophe occurs an archaeologist will find a lone print out of this post. With no real context to go on and hazy written records storm Ciara will be acknowledged as a Goddess that was heralded by your wives flatulence and is now seated next to Hera and Freya in the pantheon of the Gods. (Or at least I hope that you’ve started a new faith through this post sir)
Haha, that would be just about fitting!! Cheers man.
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I'd prefer that over a God-Emperor Trump meme surviving the apocalypse to tell of our mythology, that's for sure!
Hahaha, I don't know exactly why. But that line actually stole me a pair of noisy gufaws.
Gotta think harder about this curious episode. Maybe it has something to do with some hidden memories from the past that I've almost erased from my subconscious. Hahahaha
You gotta watch those hidden memories, better still... Beat them with a shovel!! :0)
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I love it when a story comes full-circle. It suits my OCD. Nice work sir bard. Lol.
Hehehehe! It is the perfect way to bring it back in! :OD
Cheers dude, !ENGAGE 20
Late night for you mate! You'll be grumpy at work. :)
It is a late one! I'm in the first hour of my birthday :OD
With the one advantage of no work tomorrow!! hehe
Birthday? What madness is this?
I was only talking to tarazkp last night about you and I wondered how old you were. No answer required, but I said early 40's, but with the visage and physique of a man much younger...Body like a Spartan soldier.
Happy birthday dude. Don't get too blootered...Just a wee bit.
I am on the bloootered wagon!! Although I think I might be getting off and into bed.
Sadly I have just passed the hump of the mid forties, sob what cruel indignities the world heaps on handsome men :OD
You'll pull-through mate, champs like you cannot be held down!...But you'll need more naps. Lol.
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RoFL! Good Lady will be banging you...on the head with a pot soon enough XD Sometimes I wonder how you're still alive! XD
It has been so many years she just shakes her head at me. Which is probably bad because it makes me try harder to get more of a response!
Then, meesterboom what was the sound of Ciara bangin???!! I'm curious to know, man!!!! Upvoted!
Bum drums!!!
:0D
You are crazy man how do you think of this animations..??? LOL!
The storm has hit here in holland also but only thunder didn't hear the farts yet...
Cheers..
The farts are coming!!! Hehe, wow, I didn't realise it was spread out so far. We have had snow and everything!
Yes better believe it..
Lol. An urgent steak delivery!
Typical dutch weather this time of year.. LOL have a good night.. Cheers!
You too dude, don't get blown away!!
plz vote me .. i am new one ..plz help
This kind of vote begging gets you downvotes, not upvotes. Take a tip from your friendly neighborhood Steem Pope and strive for quality content and real engagement, not spam.
plz vote me .. i am new one ..plz help
Oké @meesterboom let’s help him out with a down-vote 😂 Lol
Done!
Please vote me
Can't say I've had a Clara, them noisy ones can get you in trouble.
Can't say I've had a
Clara, them noisy ones can
Get you in trouble.
- abh12345
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
Steer clear of them Clara's. They make a terrible mess on the floor
And the next sound the little lass heard was a smish, as mummies fist connected with the smirk???
She did try to give me a sideways kick up the chuff but it only clipped me! :0D
plz vote me .. i am new one ..plz help
If you spam for upvotes you will just get downvoted instead
Rofl hahahah jajajaj yeehee yehee haw haw haw lol
I think those are all the things I was thinking! :0)
plz vote me .. i am new one ..plz help
Bangin the pots on Twitter!
Congratulations @meesterboom!
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I sent two steem, where is my upvote?