There were a few people gathered around my desk for a walkthrough of some nonsense document. I was about halfway in when a woman from Finance, Skeletor, came over.
Sorry I am late. Hope I haven't missed too much.
Nah, don't worry. I will run through the first part again if you like?
Said I, most kindly. As if she were a bumblebee I was feeding sugar-water to.
Oh thank you, I will be fine though, carry on as you were, hehehe.
She giggled as if I had blown some powdered Rhino horn up her back snarler with a straw.
I whipped back round to my screen and took a breath to speak.
How is that young lad of yours getting on? He must be nearly one now?
I preened like a typical, sleep-addled, stained-clothes-wearing, Dad of a toddler.
Yes indeed, he is one at the weekend. We are having a little party for him.
Skeletor clucked her cheeks as if what eggs she had left were vibrating inside her.
Oh that's lovely, are you getting him lots of toys?
I smiled, despite her sabotaging my walkthrough I quite liked talking about my pride and joy that was the little boom.
Well, not too many toys. He's walking now and he only ever plays with a couple of toys. One of them is his total favourite, Doggy Woggy.
Skeletor skreeked and swung her head back and forth as if she was being pursued by hunters again.
You can't say that!
She hissed. Her chins were jubbling now.
I made a chicken eating ham face.
Can't say what? Doggy?
No. Not Doggy... The other word... Jeez, anyone could hear you. You will be whipped up in front of HR and shot.
I racked my brains. I had no idea what she was talking about. I wondered if she had gotten hold of some cider again?
Doggy... Woggy?
She twitched violently upright and made a small skirk noise.
BoomDawg, stop it. If anyone hears you, you will be for the high jump. You can't say things like that, haven't you read the Equality & Diversity handbook?
Of course, I had read the thing. I still had no idea what she was talking about. Somehow my confusion must have been percolating through to my face because she leaned into me and whispered.
You can't say that second word!
Woggy? It's not a separate word, it's one of those nonsense things you say to babies. You know, like Ratty Watty, Horsey Worsey... Doggy Wo...
She thrust a big wet hand against my mouth.
No!
Her eyes darted back and forth as if at any moment a bunch of men were going to abseil through the windows and menace her with their weapons.
She stood up.
Listen, I will get a copy of the presentation later.
She pointed a sausagey finger straight at me.
You. Watch yourself.
She walked off muttering about HR and Respect at work.
I shook my head. Doggy Woggy seemed to have caused a bit of a stir. I am kinda glad I didn't mention his toy cat, Chairman Miaow...
I wish you a happy rest dear friend@meesterboom, people who do not have children at home can not understand that these words exist in the mouth of a child and has nothing to do with the real meaning and after all so much fuss over a little word
You know I think you have hit the nail on the head right there!
I'm all for political correctness until people like the aforementioned happen and then I'm not so sure XD
I am totally all for it myself!! Since people just go a bit mad!
I also don't understand what is the matter with her. Had she taken her medicine early in the morning before coming to work or the stress of managing finance is getting to here? Either way, Doggy Woggy is a perfectly fine phrase. Upvoted!
Haha, her medicine was no doubt lacking!!
I will admit boomdawg, I had no idea what woggy was...until I looked it up in the urban dictionary...LOL. Skeletor haha, I was totally thinking about He-Man the whole time. Skeletor is the bad guy. lol Hilarious as always my good man! Oh by the way, I forgot to tell you, we had a talent show on Monday, and I was one of the Judges. "Gilbert's Got Talent", haha we were in the town of Gilbert. Anyways, my talent as a judge was speaking in a British, sometimes, Irish, maybe a bit Scottish accent. hehe the accent was a bit dodgy but some people thought I did well with it. hahaha
Haha, I would have loved to have seen that!! Or should I say heard, lol.
Sounds like a lot of fun!!
And yeah, I want really sure myself at first! I think it says more for what was going on in her head!!
hahaha yeah it was great fun! I know right next time tell her to "get her mind out of the gutter!" lol Do you use that phrase there?
Oh we do!! You have no idea how often I am told that, lol!!
LOL Well that is a given, I knew that the very first time I read one of your stories. lol hahaha
hehehehe and why is there so much fuss over a name?
When children are small, one becomes silly and says weird words where they come from? I dont know! heheh one becomes a composer of silly words to make them laugh.
She is a bit paronoical, the Woggy would be a nice gift, I like your face in the photo
Hehe, you know I like to strike a post in the photos, lol
You'll have to watch yourself, Boomy. She will next be handing out a printed sheet from HR of what is permissible language to use in the office! LOL By the way, just where had that wet hand been before she thrust it against your mouth?
Hahaha, it might have just been a little damp but wet sounded so much better. In fact if it was wet I might still be crouched under a shower!
No surprise you went over the top again.. when will you learn... its all getting over the top, we can't stay anything without upsetting someone...Watch yer mouth in future..as if that's going to happen haha
I will be watching my mouth and other bits!!
Maybe she was after your other bits haha
Probably. Join the bloody queue I say!!
I was expecting an answer like that haha
The steemit doggy woggy 😂🤣
Hahaha! :0)
Woggy is a bad word? A chauvinistic one?? What the F's? I actually scooted back in the post when you wrote the part she hissed to see what I missed...I was just as bewildered as you LOL!!
Many moons ago we got a report about my stepson, he got in trouble for saying Fafa, then ended up in detention because when he wasn't allowed to say it anymore he wrote it on his pants. We were like FAFA??? WTH?? Apparently, since they weren't allowed to say fag or gay or any of the associated words they began saying Fafa and it got put on the list. Still makes me laugh to this day. Maybe you should have Woggy printed on your shirt!
Ha, that's right that's Italian isn't it? I was genuinely flabbergasted and then when it dawned on me what she thought I was saying I was mortified. She is lucky she never got a kick in the pie!
Kick in the pie!! LOL!!!
Heh heh ;0)
Hello stranger! :D I see nothing has changes since I have been MIA... you are still upsetting the work folk haha
Aloha!! Yes indeed, is my reason for being!! ;0)
hahaha! Skeletor. lol. "She hissed. Her chins were jubbling now." sir meesterboom! The best descriptions of people ever!
another excellent post sir.
Cheers man!!
I didn't even know it was a derogatory term! Goodness me, if the PC era would continue, pretty soon we would run out of words to use, considering every other word has been used as a slang for something else!
They have, and then where would we be without words? I tell you, we would be
Have you heard of those mumble rappers that are making the big bucks these days? That's where we'll end up being. That's exactly where.
I'm there!! Hear me
roarmumble!!They have, and then where
Would we be without words? I
Tell you, we would be
- meesterboom
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
Everytime I read one of your content I learned something new, for example the funny "a chicken eating ham face", but I admit I have some doubts about the Doggy Woggy :P
I swear is entirely innocent!! We say everything with a w after it!! Horsey Worsey, fishy wishy... I never even thought anything about it before!!
I guess we will have to give it a real name!
haha Chairman Miaow and the Baroness Beaver meet for lunch at Doggy Woggy's house...You. Watch yourself. LOL
There is far too much fun to be had with these names!!
Ah yes, Chairman Miaow.
I do have to wonder if every family has a toy by that name, though the joke seems to be getting a bit old by this point. I do hope you at least know what it's referencing.
Again? Now I'm wondering about this woman's history.
Why is it wet?
And I'm not really sure why you're so glad not to have mentioned Chairman Miaow, that could have been quite a bit of fun.
Goodness me, you know I don't know about chairman miaow!! Dash it, you mean I want being original and it bubbles up from my subconscious?
It happens to us all.
Though I suppose it presumably happened to someone else first ;)
Maybe it's just Bob's influence?
Haha yes, it works have to happen that way indeed!!
It works have to happen that way...
have? out, maybe? not really sure how that auto-correct could have happened.
Works, lol. My phone always replaces would with works. Nasty thing!
Good golliwogs, you can't say anything these days. Is there a list of allowed words in that E&D handbook?
If only there was, then I would be safe!!
Was everyone else still listening at this point? What did they say, or did they zone out when the baby talk started?
The others zoned out when she started speaking, she kinda has that effect on folk!
Then again, it might have been the baby chat, it does have that effect
Boomdawg lol. You should have offered her some Robertsons Gollywog Blackcurrant jam. Ridicolous how this shit has got out of hand.
Remember at a council meeting someone objected to calling it black coffee and felt offended. Talk about milking it,lucky I wasn't there because I would've tossed the bastard out and asked him if he would like to follow me for a pie.
The pie would have done it!!
It is a bit ridiculous, of someone asked me to stop saying black coffee I would think much the same!!!
Hmm. Black coffee...
always reminds me of this.
Is it black cream? Lol. That's quite hilarious!
Careful, I may have to go to HR about your disrespectful tone and insensitive words.
They will put me on the rack till I confess
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God she sounds as thick as two planks of wood. oh dear.
maybe you should sack her when you get your pay rise, and get your self a little piece for the office, she doesn't have to do anything apart from turn up to work and she would probably get the job done better :D
Hehe, different departments, she is immune to my skiing powers if I had any!
darn it, I would have loved to have read the post about how you sacked her, it would have been a great read, i bet she would have thought that she was getting a raise haha
Pffft these snowflakes, eh Boom? Could use a swat or two from the old cane if you know what I mean ;)