My work is banishing me to Edinburgh next week to help set up the new offices. There has been all manner of hints that it is an illustrious job and that the chosen few who are going are champions of steel and flame.
Rubbish.
The chosen few are poor buggers who have found themselves on someone's shitlist and have been banished to teach them a lesson.
Perhaps my continual loud mocking of El Jefe for his flared brown trousers has come back to bite me on the chuff...?
Whether it be the mocking of the Flarey brown troosers or not, it's Edinburgh bound for me.
My work likes to pay us on a couple of days after the start of each month. Which is well after I start my Edinburgh sojourn. As a result, I decided to tap them up in advance for some expenses.
Which meant tackling the feared and loathsome finance department. Kind of like facing a Balrog in Dungeons and Dragons.
I approached them today. And I might be accused of paraphrasing here but it went a little something like this...
Oh and beware... For the faint of heart, it's a bit sweary.
meesterboom enters the office of the damned, i.e the finance dude (FO) in charge of expenses.
Me: Right, fucker, where is my motherfucking money?
FO: Now, who you calling a fucker, motherfucker?
Me: I'm calling you a fucker, motherfucker. Now, where is my motherfucking money?
FO: What motherfucking money? How dare you come in here demanding motherfucking money like your name is Jeffrey and you just came slithering out of my ass?
Me: My money to get me to Edinburgh motherfucker? Now, where is it?
FO: Have you been already? No? Then fuck off, motherfucker.
Me: I haven't been yet because I haven't got the motherfucking money to go, motherfucker!
FO: Well you're not getting the money till you fucking go, motherfucker!
Me: Then I AINT GOING! MOTHERFUCKER!
FO: Oh, ok. Right. You win. You can have it just this once.
And that, is more or less the illustrious story of how I came to receive my expenses before I actually made my jolly way to Edinburgh.
Motherfuckers!!
Authors note, there may have been a little less swearing than depicted above.
damn, I love Edinburgh! I'm coming too. are you staying for months and can I get a free couch? :D:D:D:D:
Lolz, I am coming back at nights so I don't miss my little family!! :0)
Reminds me of the time my company expected us to advance the costs of two weeks in a hotel, travel, food, and some other things, for a course. Motherfuckers.
Same threat, same result, some questioning of mental sanity of finance staff involved, in impolite Dutch terms, which are quite good and effective.
Some things are universal.
I like the sound of an impolite Dutch term! It is the same all over... Motherfuckers!
Too many mothers and those others (fu..ers)...This guy that gave you the money must have been upset, so had nowhere to go...You used very unique technique, but as Machiavelli says: "The goal justifies the Means" and you riched the goal, so it is 1 : 0, said in soccer vocabulary, on a guest playground for You⚽. We have World Soccer Championship this year in Russia...
That's right. It is quite exciting!
And yes the goal definitely justifies the means!!! :0)
Haha, love the perseverance! Thanks for sharing
You have to stick at them! hehe
This convo could have looked a little like this me thinks:
Where is my #@$&%$ you stupid &%#$@.
Sounds like he and his slithery ass snake were up to the task for a showdown with the Boomster.
You should have slapped him with his purse.
So? NO money then?? LOL
I got the money!!! I am a happy man. It's not often you can beard the lion in its dem and come out with its teeth!!
And the convo could have looked like that but it was quite cathartic getting my rant out :0D
Oh, so much more amazing uncensored. Censorship ruins all the fun. LOL
I honestly thought you were going to say to the finance personal;
"Say ello to ma lil friend!!" Lmao
I swear I haven't laughed as much as I have done reading your expenses piece.It use to be a right mere when i had to claim expenses at work.They just could never get it right.Blimmen ekk i was doing it all wrong.But in all fairness working for corporate company even if i just said "mother" I would have got the sack.lol
Now if i had a little friend with me it might have come to that!!! It's always a mate when trying to get cash out of them!!
I know.You practically create a written dossier just to claim back expenses and i have had times where few months later, yes months blimmen later the money was reimbursed😡.I would rather get a cash advance then use my own money.Thank you very much.lol. I think your tactic could work in every day situations @meesterboom.
E.g. @Pamcooks is in starbucks ( other coffee places are also available, may i add.lol).I am waiting in a very long queue.Fed up getting late picking up the kids!
Yo wheres my motherfucking caramel mochiata semi skimmed with a dollop of cream and i want it regular Biaaaatch!!! Oh and my motherfucking name is Pam put it on the cup!
Mmmmm could work.😂😂😂😂😂
Haha, it's a viable strategy. Go for it!!! ;0)
Ooooh i think me will be going to the old arch rival costa's soon after my friendly exchange!
Hahahahha, very likely!!
A classic example of "Whatever you ask, you shall get!"
A couple of questions...
While in Edinburgh ....
How many shitty nappies will you be required to change?
How much of the bed will you be able to conquer?
Why are you smiling now?
HAha, I will be coming back in the evening... I am a big softie and couldn't bear to be apart from my little family. Ssshhh, though. Dont tell! ;O)
My last employer required me to shell out of my own pocket traveling expenses. I commonly drove 500-1000 miles per week and stayed in hotels all over the US with the promise that I would be reimbursed at a fair rate for my troubles. The rate was shit(thus I recently told them to eat shit and find another stooge), but I made up for the free loans I was giving them every week by charging everything to a cash back credit card.
So in the end I was making 1.5% continuously on the money I output. If I could find a better circumstance(better company) to loan money on a continuous basis, I would.
Hehe, thats quite a clever way to do it. I hate shelling out too. It wasn't a huge amount but its the principle so I am glad I got it in advance!
I wanna work in YOUR office. Mine is B-O-R-I-N-G!!
(Oh wait...nevermind)
Funnily enough mine is too!! hahaha
You just need a lot of swearing to bring over this (very solid) point
did you swing a fist on the table as well?
I didn't actually. Probably because I didn't sit down but I should have hehe!!!!
Hahahaha, you gotta give it to them hard else you walk home empty handed like a kindergarten kid.
I completely agree. Hard as *&£&! Lol
I'm facing this situation right now :p
I'm not making enough to bear my expenses ;p
expenses are more but the income is short :p
That's a gnarly one!
lol, sounds like pretty much everyone's finance department. they are tight with the money, as though it was their own! Little do they know you need it to pay for all the beer you will be swilling while in Edinburgh!
Hehe, I wish there was much beer swilling to be done!
Maybe you’ll get lucky! Maybe you’ll see some US beers? Thanks for the votes on the beer run review! You live Imperial stouts? I had a lovely one day before!
Imperial stouts are among my favourites! :O)
See you had to put them under fakkin hard pressure! That way they always bend in your favor!
Its true, you gotta!
I loved the way you approached the situation with the finance department, straight to the point, calling each person by their name, a good way to intimidate and get what you want. Well done
Excellent reading dear friend @meesterboom, you made me remember the day I stopped belonging to my company.
I wish you a beautiful afternoon
I envy you in not belonging to a company anymore @jlufer! You did the right thing!!
yes, it's true I'm very happy with that decision making, although you do not want to believe alive from what I generate here on the platform, that's why I'm very grateful to steemit and the people who help me with their support. thank you very much dear friend
It is a fantastic oportunity this platform, totally. I am eternally grateful to it! To the moon!
It is funny that after all the swearing which had arisen, the FO relented after you threatened him that you will not go to Edinburgh because the FO did not give the money to go to the place. Meesterboom, you really deserved the money. Upvoted!
Yeah, the last thing they wanted was one of ius not to go!!
Definitely these situations are the same everywhere ... first, about your exile to Edinburgh, I understand perfectly; those exile are like a punishment for those who do their job better, while those who are lazies stay happy in their comfort area... like you, I have had to live it ... Second, the fights with the finance department, They do not like to give us what belongs to us, they like to see us suffer ... as we say in Spanish and in Venezuela "That's a peo" (that's a problem) ... But there is no other option@meesterboom, to continue working ... Greetings.
I like that saying, I only know a little spanish and every little bit is good to add!!
Perfect, I'll see if later I can put some other expression in Spanish.
Top notch!
fuck!
'xactly!!! :0D
OF COURSE, OF COURSE.
Every single time I go to the finance office to request advance cash, I say "Right, fucker, where is my motherfucking money?"and all goes well.
It can be the only way!! ;0)
hahahahahha
Da fuck with companies!!
you gotta get it out of them the ugly way, you champion you LOL
Exactly, put them to the sword!!! :0D
May have been slightly less swearing than depicted but that was the gist of it and possibly the tone too? XD
It was pretty similar in almost every way!!
This always gets me of the 'people up in the ivory tower' They like to say "Pay it so long and we will refund you", it is like they just accept that we do have the money for extra expenses - obviously NO idea what our pay and expenses are..... motherfuckers haahaha (to quote you) exactly right
Hehe, exactly. I ain't spending a bean of my own cash!!
Edinburgh is awesome I loved it there
Edinburgh is... The people though. Meh, ;0)
The Clivvers, Carlate and El Jefe are all in on it to make your life miserable. They see your potential ascending the ranks, and they're doing their best to impede your destiny, Spartac-BOOM. Edinburgh is just a hurdle. Once you get past that, you'll be riding high to that rainbow in the sky!
I can almost taste the rainbow!!
Hand in, I am not so sure I want to after imagining what that could be!!
Nice post @meesterboom sound like your name
Cheers!
nice editorial
Why thank you
ewww...that's a lot of mother fucking talk. I do not care less about those motherfucking bullshit. So, do not motherfucking me..(Fun)
That's the way of it :0D
I read this article like the pictures of people who want to quarrel about money, life and scolding 😅
It's shocking! ;0)
Ey, caarm down, boomer, caarm down!