I had arranged a chat with Cow-Lick, my plucky young team member. I had booked one of our silly meeting rooms that have lots of wires that lead nowhere and TV's mounted on the walls which don't work.
As I arrived I saw that Cow-Lick was already there. He appeared to be taking a selfie of himself and horrifyingly was doing a bit ofduck-face pouting.
I harrumphed like a bull with no teeth and he looked up, guiltily fumbling his phone away.
Alright boss man?
Yes indeed I am.
I replied with a handsome flair. Not too handsome though as I didn't want the young feller-me-pip to pop seventeen boners.
He shifted in his chair.
So what can I do for you?
I smiled to ease the tension. It is something I have found in young fibbertygibbets. In work, they seem to think that at any given moment in time they are going to be scolded, parent-style as if they have left skid-marks on their underwear again.
Nothing to worry about, just a quick review of the test coverage for the user stories you are working on.
Despite being told not to worry, he looked worried. Which on his young face made him look like a gerbil smelling a fox.
What's wrong with the coverage?
He asked nervously.
Ach, relax, it's just standard stuff.
He relaxed slightly.
I always worry when I get called into a meeting room that I am going to get the sack.
He said apologetically.
Pbbbrrbbr.
I made a noise like a farty-bum-bum being chewed by a llama.
Ha, don't be a Gonk. It's fine. So, let's look at story 117...
I pulled out some sheets of paper. As I did so I heard a strange noise. Like a weevil gnawing at a milk carton. I looked up. Cow-Lick was trying to stifle a giggle.
What on earth is a Gonk?
He asked as if the world and its dog didn't know what a Gonk was.
A Gonk? It's one of those little furry things. You know, like a cardboard tube covered in fake fur with googly eyes?
He looked mystified as if I was telling him of my great love of medieval vases. I whapped my own phone out and swiftly looked up Gonk on google images.
There see?
He held my phone for a moment, drinking in the sheer Gonkiness of what he was seeing before passing it back with a snigger.
Like, is that from the eighties or something?
I frowned.
Erm, aye, probably about then.
Cow-Lick narrowed his eyes and looked at me as if seeing me for the very first time.
Were you like, born in the eighties?
He asked with a mixture of wonderment and disdain.
No.
I replied.
NOT the eighties?
He shook his head in disbelief, then lowered his voice.
Wait, so you were born in the seventies?
I examined him for a moment and imagined in my head that I was booting him squarely in the balls.
Yeah, I was.
He flinched as if I had asked him to come and sit on my knee.
How old are you?!
He asked in bewilderment, his world shaken to the core by the news that people as old as me still existed in this day and age.
I flopped the papers I was holding down on the table between us and gave him the vinegar eye.
Old enough to see that your work leaves an awful lot to be desired, young man. So shall we continue?
He looked suitably chastened and nodded.
I allowed myself a little smirk. Wee bastard, he'll learn...
Can cowlick come to steemfest next year?? I’d love to get him rat arsed!
Posted using Partiko iOS
Ha, that wouldn't take much!! Shot-tastic
Wow... I've never heard of Gonks before either...
That's certainly essential knowledge in the #GooglyEyes department and I'm really glad to learn it from you!
Hehe, the first time I saw some googly eyes was on one!!
Must admit neither did I. 😁
I wish you a beautiful nights@meesterboom these young people now think that the world started today, and everything else is too old, I would like for Cow-Lick to meet Uncle Boom, the problems would end
They would end in a spectacular fashion!!
You were born in the 70s??? Why you're still a spring chicken !
Where was his manners ? ... oh right, I almost forgot, no one uses those old things anymore.
Yeah, manners address for old people!!! Lol
Remember the days when you thought somebody in their 40's were SOOOOOO old???? Hmmmm not that old now hey? I am going on to 50 and it is sounding damn old, but then again, I still feel the same as in my 30's. So screw these wee bastards hahaha
O I did not know that were there names, but when I saw the pic I knew exactly - 80's best time ever.
Hehe, thems the ones!!!
I do remember it, that's probably the worst thing I can almost empathise with that feeling except of course the boy is on the other foot!!
He needs a smack on the head with his papers.... and you have the advantage of little ones keeping you young so you can still show him a thing or two.
I think they are making me age!!!
Hahaha always keep in mind that little Boom will be able to help you with your beer reviews not so long from now
Lol, maybe he can take over and give me a rest!
Did he just assume that you were a young chap just like him? It seems that people don't know your age unless you tell them. You are aging beautifully, meesterboom! Keep it up! Upvoted!
I think he assumed I was in my thirties. Well that is what I like to think. Lol
He was probably shocked that someone as young and handsome as you could possibly have hailed from so many million years ago 🤣
Posted using Partiko Android
He no doubt was. Perhaps he suspected me of time travel or having cracked the fountain of youth :0D
Doesn't he know it's forbidden to ask a person's age?? It's like asking if they have already pledged allegiance to our lord and savior Cthulhu. It just is!
In another note, I don't know what the heck a gonk is either, and I get nervous every time I get called to a meeting. Must be correlated.
Hehe, the meeting thing is real;!
ha! the vinegar eye! perfect response.
ahhh, and now contemplating the 70s...I was but a budding hippie child ;0)
Hehe, he was getting taken aback that such old could exist. Perhaps I should be flattered lol!
Of course you should be flattered! the young do need a kick in the pants, I mean, a reminder, now and then.
It's the balls that are getting kicked. Somehow, one way or another!
Do you fall out of your chair laughing at your own stuff? Moo? Hahaha, oh the gonks. And hmph, being born in the 70's is not that old.
Our most definitely is not. I feel briefly young at times!!
And I do chuckle at my own stuff, I think when I do going that it will be time to pack it in!!!
These youngsters even think agile software development is a recent thing.
Worse, they believe it's the only thing!
Aye. I leads to many a butchered project. Still, that too is good for employment levels, I suppose.
It's the reluctance to accept that it might not work for everything that gets right on my tits
"Before the programming starts, how would your team design a software architecture for this project using Scrum?"
"Huh?"
We will do it on the fly, writing down little one liners on cards!!!!
We will do it on
The fly, writing down little
One liners on cards!!!!
- meesterboom
I'm a bot. I detect haiku.
Never heard of gonks. You sure you didn't make this shit up. At least you put that young man in his place and showed him who is boss.
You can Google them, they are totally real!!
Although what he doesn't know is that that is also Scottish slang for a rude act ;0)
I did and it says a popular furry animal from the 60's and 80's and also means you are hip and happening. Have an idea what you mean by a Gonk in the Scottish terminology and it ain't that.
Lol, see, a popular furry animal! Everyone should have a Gonk! :0D
So the patter you learn at them elderly homes is things like: "That skanky midden gran overthere givin me a belter gonk this morn really made my day." 😂
Haha, what splendidly correct usage of the term!!!
😁
I love it! The art, the colors, the pop-culture references... And I, too, was born in the '70s, like the protagonist of the tale. I certainly remember gonks, although I haven't heard the term in many a year. Excellent piece of work! I will be sharing...
Hehe, cheers. I do like the terms from yesteryear!!
I can recommend some great old people's homes if you're interested?
Oh aye, I love those places!!!
I can imagine!
I get all my best patter from them! ;0)
Hmm.... I don't know, knowing you I would expect at least a few made-up, nonsensical words.
But yes, I do love me a good gonk.
And what is with these youngsters not understanding that we're not
thatold? I'm barely pushing 80, still a spry young man.Kidding - I'm still on the younger side myself, but I at least understand that there was a generation before the 80s, 70s, 60s...
Boomy - Is there something you need to tell us about?
You mean you don't like medieval vases?
It seems like they are built to think anything over 30 is dead. Wee bastards.
Eh, I prefer the more... enjoyable medieval artistry.
Have you never seen those torture devices? Absolutely brilliant.
I have indeed, such marvellous and ingenious things. Not marvellous on the wrong end but marvellous none the less!
But of course, they were so delightfully... cruel in those days, something the masters of our day seem to fail at time and time again. More's the pity, the world would be a much better place if only our esteemed leaders would teach the peons their rightful place
Is the teaching that is lacking at all levels sadly
Indeed, verily so ;)
sir meesterboom I thought you were making up Gonks! Now I find out they're real, maybe everything you write is actually real? Oh thats a sobering thought.
See!! It's all real we are doomed!!
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