Today I took my mum to her local supermarket to help with the shopping as she is getting on a bit and struggles to lug around big heavy bags.
We usually have a nice old time and after the shopping stop for a coffee and a natter about the family and how annoying her neighbours are. (They are quite the pain in the arse.)
I quite enjoy these little Sunday jaunts except for one little aspect.
I often see people I grew up with.
What is so bad about that? I hear you say.
Well, The area is a bit of a hole. Many of the folk I grew up with have never worked and some of the less salubrious denizens of the area are the kind of rough sort you would cross the street to avoid.
Still, being possessed of a fearsome raised eyebrow and an incisive cutting wit, that doesn't really bother me.
The thing that bothers me most is the green eye.
We were leaving the supermarket when I heard a crackly voice grunt.
Haw, boomdawg. Whit you dayin here?
I turned to my questioner.
It was Hendo. A childhood friend. His real name was Henry but that's not hard enough for Glasgow, so it was Hendo.
The years had not been kind to him. He had a face like a cows arse angrily chewing a wasp.
Alright Hendo. I've been taking the auld dear shopping. How?
In Glasgow you have to add a belligerent How at the end of sentences in this kind of situation. Everything, rather wearyingly is a challenge.
Aw right. Ye goat a motor or something?
translation - Really old chap? how splendid, do you drive an automobile then?
Aye.
Whit is it, a fucking Jaguar or sumtin? Haha.
Nope.
He seemed annoyed. A vein was throbbing on his big red angry face.
Zat it?
He pointed at my car which quite frankly is a big orange heap of shit.
Aye, thats mine.
My car really is rubbish, it is however a car. This seemed to annoy Hendo.
Fuck sake, actin the big man comin up here wi' the fancy motor?
You would be forgiven for thinking that this was Compton, I was driving a lambo and that we were mortal enemies the way he was glaring and huffing.
I smiled.
No, not really.
Fuck sake but. Acting like it but eh.
I saw my dear old mum come out from the entrance with the thing that she had forgotten a moment before.
Oh hiya Henry son. How are you. How is your mum?
My mum's face lit up seeing Hendo. She always liked the tearaways.
Oh, eh. Shes fine Missus S so am I. I was just saying long time no see to boomdawg.
Aw thats lovely son. Tell yer mum I was asking after her.
My little mum hopped into the big orange piece of shit that is my car and closed the door. I walked round to the other side and looked over at Hendo's big jealous face.
See ye later mate.
In the rear view mirror I watched him stare after us. A mixture of jealousy, rage and incontinence on his face because I had escaped the cesspool we had grown up in.
Ah well. Till next week, I thought.
The Scottish poetry that you pen will rival the masters of literature.
It is a splendidly apt way of describing his face! It might be my highlight line of the year :OD
Atsa real cool story eh! (I decided to try out some Canadian English on you). Not enough to force you to get a dictionary out though!
I'm glad that you managed to "escape" the area. Maybe others could Steem their way out!
Jealousy is rotteness to the bones!
Steem might be the answer of the for some folk in rubbish places!
Hehe, it's funny, I read the Canadian English in a Scottish accent and it sounded just fine!!
Funny story and very very funny description of the green eyes :D
you have a different way of describing stuff and your words are always like you - very very unique!
there's so many of those eh?
jealousy sucks but envy would lead one to hurting another person - am glad your Mom cut the conversation short :)
I am glad she pooped out too. I can imagine the conversation would have become a tad more heated than it had any right to be. He is a loser!!
I read this offline and thought .. damn.. you just got hit by one, too?
they should wear blue contacts haha
or .. get a brain colonoscopy is there such a thing hahaha :D
I will go for the brain coloscopy! It sounds like a fine thing to have. Sort of ;O)
hahahaha you don't need one hahahaha
"a face like a cows arse angrily chewing a wasp." This is the best description of a face that I've ever read!!! :D
Hehe, I am awfully glad you like it :0D
No matter where you live, or where you are, life seems to be the same everywhere, who does not have an old neighborhood with old friends who have not done anything to get out there and envy what little One has achieved with all the sacrifice of the soul.
I love these types of life story, thank you very much dear friend @meesterboom, for sharing this experience.
Have a great sunday
Thank you @jlufer. You have it exactly right. I know the chap and he has done nothing with his life but assumes that other people who have made every effort are people to be envied in a mean way.
Have a great Sunday mate!
Hahhaha
;0)
He had a face like a cows arse angrily chewing a wasp.
I am eagerly waiting to see his face, can you share the beauty of his face. Or are you afraid after watching his face, we will be jealous of his beauty?
I am afraid that such a face could never be captured by a camera lol
So you say the camera is shy to open its shutters in front of him?
I think the lens might shatter!
Thanks for sharing. Its reasons like this I have trouble going to my neighborhood...particularly because I was raised in a cult. Now following.
Ouchy, that is very understandable!!
I was just working on a piece that concerns a bucket full of crabs pulling one another down as they try to get out. Sounds like the old neighbor is feeling a little crabby. The wasp really finished the guy's face for me, I saw it, but quickly looked away laughing!
Hehe, yeah. He is a bitter chap! I look forward to seeing your piece!
I agree with just about everyone else here .... "He had a face like a cows arse angrily chewing a wasp." .... I almost spit out my coffee with that one! LOL!
The desired effect! :OD
My car really is rubbish, it is however a car :)))))))) LOL.
Don't tell him about steemit mate :D
Lol, I would definitely not do that!!
Your car might be a bit more rubbish now than it was from what I saw!
I love your writing style meester! This line absolutely had me rolling. "He had a face like a cows arse angrily chewing a wasp."
I am with you on the car, as long as it gets you from point A to point B.
Yeah, that is all I require from a car. That it moves!
Hehe, its one of my favourite lines :O)
In principle, such a comparison with an ex-friend is good to understand from which pit you have got out and feel a new taste for life.
It is good to get that comparison!
I know what you mean and try to avoid the old haunts like the plague. Now mom is gone, I very seldom get back there.
I suspect it will be exactly the same for me. A very good idea not to go back
You know what they say; "Jealousy is a lack of confidence, mainly a lack of self-confidence"
I like that, that is what I am going to think from now on
At least I don't have to worry about meeting the people I grew up with, I'm safe on the south coast of England from the Isle of Lewisians. I've probably jinxed myself now and bump into someone. I did run into someone from Isle of Lewis in Venice once! I wonder if they will dare still call me a sassenach though. My daughter knows karate so I'm safe.
Hehe, I still think thats funny they called you a sassenach. Such an old fashioned term! You are safely quite far though. Splendidly so!
Imagine bumping into someone from there in Venice. I bet you both nodded and said small world!
They are at least 10 years behind the rest of UK. At least they were when I lived there a wee while ago.
I would go for 25 years behind. I went up there a few years ago to meet a friend who was staying there.
Jealousy is such a nasty trait, you should have run him over lol
I was tempted to back into him. ;O)
What stopped you :)
Might have messed up the back ay the motor! ;O)
Yeah I agree, I don't like jealous people
Me neither, be happy with your lot and dont blame others for your strife is what I always think
Very well said :)
lol! It reminded me of some Patrick McCabe's books I read years ago
(but of dialogues of the Wee Free Men too in Terry Pratchett's books ) :D
I loved those books. Terry Pratchett was one of the funniest chaps ever for the dialogue!
I've said it before and I'll say it ye cannae beat the Glasgow banter.
I think that after being away from Glasgow for so long, those rose tinted glasses of mine have become quite thick and your humourous but true post may have lifted the rose tint from my rear view mirror.
Still I do miss the place ;-)
Its a great place for the banter. Horrifyingly though I am sure you wont miss the sheer horror of envy that is the scottish/glasgow way of deriding anyone who makes anything of themselves. Its quite gnarly!
Grocery shopping is such a chore that more and more are shopping online.
I wish my mum would but can you believe they do not even have the internet in their home? They are profoundly distrusting of all that
I get it. That's the same as my inlaws :-)
Fuck sake, actin the big man comin up here wi' the hunderd of votes? Aye you fancy a whoopin'?
Haha nah, I can't keep a straight face and continue with it haha! The green eye might just be a global phenomenon. There are always some people who want to drag people down to their level. Really though, I think it's just laziness talking. Isn't better for them to strive and drag themselves up to the level they want to achieve? I mean, it's not hard to be happy for other people's success, and they don't have to be jealous about it if they use it as a motivation to improve their lives.
It would be interesting to see a community of those people. Think of the progress their going to achieve. They should all be bundled in one country. For the purpose of this, let's call in Greenland oh wait, there's already a country with that name? Grr damnit, I wish I thought of that first!
I wonder if in Greenland they are indeed all profoundly envious of each other! Perhaps they have found an envy utopia!
It probably is a global thing. I dont know if it is my own inherent niceness but I am genuinely happy for others to achieve stuffs. Then I get disappointed when others are not that way.
I should clad my heart in iron!
Perhaps that's why they are separate from the greater land mass? I think it's why. I'm pretty good at geography, that's why I know for sure.
Being happy for others is probably the easiest thing we could do. They're just making it hard for themselves, then complaining why other people have it good haha!
so funny line :
He pointed at my car which quite frankly is a big orange heap of shit.
hahhahhaa :D
It is, it's a terrible thing ;0)
So like your writings. Thank you for the entertainment! 🐓🐓
Cheers lass l, I love writing them!! :0)
You are good at writing. Love the posts. 🐓🐓
A great short and interesting read...mum , sweet mum.
Got to look after your mum's!
I agree
awesome bro!
Cheers man!
Thanks for the information!
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