You got the balls for it?
The Bear-Man had snuck up behind me as I was peering at the beers on his shelves.
I beg your pardon!?
I said sternly to disguise my little jump of fright that I had just landed from.
You heard me. You got the balls for it?
The Bear-Man beamed happily at me like a broken bottle in the sun.
I opened my mouth to declare that I had big leathery balls and they were ready for anything then hurriedly stopped myself.
Have I got the balls for it!?
Was he finally making his power play? If I agreed would I find myself dressed in a tutu, an apple stuffed in my mouth en route via a cargo container to Belarus??
Balls for what?
I asked flatly.
We're having a beer tasting tonight? In the shop. You up for it?
The Bear-Man sidled closer.
I won't lie to you, it gets a bit fuckin bonkers!
He grinned.
I looked around at the beer shop and the countless delights on its shelves.
How much is it?
I asked.
My intrinsic Scottishicity assuming this was all just a preamble to getting pumped for money.
The Bear-Man stepped back and stretched his arms out wide. If his grin had been wide before it was now bordering on scary.
It's FREE!
He boomed.
Deep inside me my giblets frizzled a bit. Free!? The magic word? But how? How could he afford to give away free beer?
I had to tread carefully here lest I ended up in that shipping container after all.
These fucking craft beers, they don't last long so every now and then I get all the ones that are almost past or just past their sell by date and invite some of my good customers for a tasting!
He held his massive belly and emitted a deep chuckle as if he could already picture me in a Princess Leia bikini.
It's fookin carnage, to be honest.
He laughed.
My thoughts raced. Free beer! Fucking carnage!? What was not to like!?
Then a sobering thought hit me. I couldn't, the Good Lady would never let me. The price of parenthood to two little children mean nights out are sparse things indeed and I already had a night out for a book signing arranged for next week.
So. You got the balls for it? Might even give you a few to take home!
The Bear-Man nodded, willing me to say yes.
Hang on.
I said, moving to the back of the shop and whipping my phone out. She would say no. I knew she would but a fellow has to try, surely?
The Good Lady answered her phone and I rapidly explained my predicament.
Oh, Daddy-Bear, it's really short notice. Maybe next time?
She grumbled in a way that I had expected.
I know, lass. I just thought it worth asking. That was all.
I answered sadly.
And how could you possibly afford it? We are going on holiday in just over a week.
She lamented as if I were an old dog and it was cheaper to put me to sleep than treat me for fleas.
Well, that's the thing. It's free.
I answered.
There was as pause on the other side of the phone.
Oh...
My heart skipped was I realised I had said the magic word free.
Well. You absolutely have to go. You can't refuse free beer!
She chirped.
Baby-cheeks, you're the best!
I hung up and swung around to face the Bear-Man.
Better get the mop out big man, I'm coming!
So this week your gonna be hung over on both Saturday and Sunday? The good lady may regret that decision to allow you to drink for FREE!
I am!! I have to take the little lady to a kids party tomorrow. This is going to be hellish and the good lady is going out tomorrow. It's all going to be a giant mess!!!
But I get to go out so HURRAH!!
If it's free it could well be all the slop and dregs that he's trying to get rid of. After several beers, he may just slip in a Kestrel or something equally dire.
If it's free I probably wouldn't care!!! Lol. I am quite sure it will all be amazing shit. Although hopefully not actual shit!!
Clearly you did not explain your predicament properly because she had to worm it out of you that it was free. Almost screwed yourself there. Bad Boom.
I should have started with the important bit!! I got caught up in the moment convinced I was doomed. I should have done that wish it and the universe gives you it shit!!
Hahaa awesome! Might we get a Beer Friday and a Beer Saturday this week?? A double header, so to speak???
Lol, I am wondering if I will be for for a beer Saturday!! Woot woot. I'm excited!!!
lol I can sense your excitement. Have a great time tasting those free beers!!!
I might not even taste them as I slop as many down my neck as can possibly fit!!! :0D
The only word that is probably world wide known... "free" it doesn't matter how well you know English, as soon as Free appears you know exactly what it's all about! So, we going to get drunk photos next xD? Maybe a drunk post where 95% isn't even english but gibberish?
I will leave those kind of posts for Facebook, lol!!
As if, I do like to keep those ones closer now that I am in my forties!!
I like these little stories you do (:
Free stuff is always a good reason for a night out!
Cheers dude!
The best nights are the free nights! :0)
Hahaha. She is showing her intrinsic Scottishicity too.
In other news, should we take bets on your being able to produce a post tomorrow?
I haven't failed yet!!! But it's looking tricky, logistically. I will manage, hopefully!!
But can anything beat the taste of free!!!
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You wernt listening at your wedding when the father in law passed on the knowledge of future success, The Good Lady was trained by her Mother,
Start
"Its FREE, I have been invited to " ITS FREE" a beer tasting session, IT WONT COST. Etc
Dont forget a couple to take home so you can drown that crocodile that has been shitting in your mouth all night long, a couple for monday might be a good idea too
It's been how long, you really should know how to read Bear Man by now.
But this is infinitely funnier XD
It has been a fair while!! He was right, it was carnage too. I am off the scale rough!!
Just when I thought saved by the good lady you are in for a thing - hope you tell us how it went
It went well, I am in a terribly hungover state, lol
Ha ha, nothing better than free beers!
I used to be assistant manager of a pub and every month we would clean the lines. Oh heavenly moment, when I could call up a few select friends and one or two fav customers and basically there would be a good few few pints free. Whatever was in the line before you put the line cleaning fluid through. The lager lines especially would spit out around 4 pints/line.
Lock in! 🤣😂
P.s. I love the way you have reacurring characters. I'm sure I've read one with the bear in before. Something about black ales.
I worked in a pub as well when I was a student and we did the same! We also regularly drank all of the stock that was to be written off that had gone out of date. Sometimes we gave it to the band's that pages as well. It was quite a fast and loose operation!!
The Bear-Man would have been the one seeking the black ales for sure!
Ha ha, great minds think alike ehh?... and then fall over and forget where they put the fob for the till 😆
Would have done that as well, but the owners were too cheap and insisted we sell it! Fckn shizters... I told them it was a gonna get them in the sht, but they wouldn't listen.
The pub I worked at was a strange mix of two distinct types of regulars. One small room, we called 'the handbag bar' was full of 'top gear' watching 9-5 desk jockey types, and the other larger room was full of 'care in the community' ex beatniks and acid casualties. It was an interesting place to work.
The pub is called Ye Cracke and had a few claims to fame. John Lennon used to drink there with Stuart Sutcliffe and Craig Charles AKA Lister from red dwarf drank there before he was famous. American tourists used to come in and buy a half then ask you about the Beatles. I learned a load of the history and they used to tip like lunatics if ya gave them the Beatles spiel. I funded most of my university education in drinking from those tips.
Ahhh... Good times 😆🍻
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Free???
Haha! There is always a cost, even if it isn't money. How low are you hungover this morning? Well, technically, it is evening there, so you probably feel a little better. How many Excedrin did it take to make it all go away!
And a kids party too!!!
Oh, that was penance enough!
This story tickled me pink. But at least I am still standing straight. :)
This is !tip .20 worthy~!!
Hehe, I was very rough. I skipped the kids party shamefully. Although the kids will went with the good lady. Oh dear oh dear. I had to watch them that night too because the good lady was taking a turn to go out. All in all it was a heavy price to pay... But I think it was worth it!!
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lol! Never heard of such a thing sir meesterboom, wow! It makes perfect sense though. Now I gotta go see if you wrote about it!
hello @ meesterboom I'm doing honestly job here. why are you doing downvote? what issue? please
You know what the issue is, bid bot farming. You don't engage with anyone, you are only here to reap what you can from bots. You even upvoted your comment.
You know what the issue is. Time to change your ways or continue to lose money
I'm using the bot the right way. And I do not promoted comments. And everyone works here to earn some profit. You use your power the right way, you and me will not be lost. thank you
Yes, and promotion costs money.
You upvoted your own comment above and in this reply lied about it. That says it all
my voting valu 0.02. I'm not telling you this. I said why you are downvote in every one of my posts.You can't do this.
Because you are abusing bots to make a profit. You don't care about this place or anyone in it. Behaviour like yours damages the platform
Don't harm people. Be honest with yourself and be kind