I was brushing my teeth when the call flashed up on my phone.
And when I say I was brushing my teeth then I patently mean that I was sitting on the throne squeezing out a Ewok's finger whilst surfing Hive.
Incursion detected. Alien craft, beaming coordinates now.
Shit, and literally so.
It looked like we had yet another Alien Incursion onto the planet earth and I had just gotten to the good bit of my shit.
Life truly isn't fair.
I scrambled into some clothing and used the stick shift on my car to turbo my way to the coordinates which had been broadcast to me by Command. It was the West End of Glasgow. One of the big parks.
As I parked The Motor, I noticed the sky was still shredded by the passing of the Alien craft.
I stopped by the local Crazy Chilli shop to pick up some angst. I was running low.
I hopped off the road and travelled the rest of the way on foot next to the river.
There! Up ahead, I saw the Alien ship that had descended from the heavens and landed among us.
It looked like a biggy.
As I cleared the trees, I saw just how fucking gigantic it actually was. It gleamed in the morning sun. strange alloys and metals must have been used in its construction to survive the stresses of travelling between the stars
I spied a broken porthole to the side and eased my way in. I had to find the owners of this ship and assess their threat to humanity.
If they were a threat,, well, it wouldn't go easy for them. Not on my watch.
Near the "entrance" I forced my way through, my first glimpse was of some type of exotic vegetable engine. Its propeller like wings still for now but I could imagine them whirling fiercely as it thrust its way through space.
Beyond the vegetable engine lay an atrium in which a lumpy stone statue sat. The alien statue was had two bulbous eye like stalks that stuck out from its torso.
I shuddered and hurried past it, my skin crawling.
The corridors on the ship curved in uncanny ways that made my head hurt and my eyes sting. Manfully, I marched on.
There was a recent picture of William Shatner on a stand as if the Aliens were making fun of us humans and our starfaring dreams.
I moved further into the bowels of the ship.
Past strange trees
And gigantic bizarre green hairy penis worms.
I stumbled upon a strange carving of one of the aliens. Perhaps this was an important leader?
Tall spiky aircon towers loomed over me and I marvelled at the aliens engineering skills.
Much as I marvelled at them, there appeared to be no sign of them on this ship. Shaking my head I exited the craft and looked for signs outside.
I saw a multi coloured bench which on closer inspection appeared to be covered in knitted woolens.
Peculiar, but not quite alien.
I decided to call off the chase. It could wait till tomorrow. Perhaps a nice cold beer in the sun was in order.
My drink came.
I was half way through before I realised it was not the beer I ordered. What the hell?
It could only be the aliens. I must be closer to them than I thought.
How long did you spend thinking of that dreadful excuse and pathetically inept attempt at a diversionary tactic simply to mask the (quite justified) embarrassment of visiting a botanical garden and drinking a fruit cocktail?
#whenoldrockersgosoft
A botanical fucking garden!
Boomy, where did it all go so wrong?
PS that first cloud pic is stunning!
PPS At least the homeless will be nice and snug on their park benches this winter :-)
Damn it. I've been caught! You got me! I visited a botanical garden and then went for cocktails.
I was practically wearing a tutu!!
In my defense, it was the good Lady's birthday and she wanted some fancy West end cocktails!!! :0D
Ps, I liked that cloud pic too. It looks tweaked but the only thing I did was straighten it slightly!
My shame overcomes me for I also did cocktails for my wife's birthday this week. In mitigation, we started at 4pm as it was 2 for 1 happy hour and she was out for the count by 6!
Happy birthday to wives. Let them eat cake..and cocktails !
Hehe, they do like their cocktails for the birthdays don't they!
I had several bloody marys so that I could get them to ramp up the spice so I felt like less of a blouse :OD
Ahhh Singapore Slings for me, invoking memories of the golden age of colonialism at Raffles...
We were drinking cocktails. I think it's time to move on ;-)
Hehe, I quite like them as well. But ahem, yes.
The Empire!I mean, beer!! All must end in beer! I will have some tonight to make things rightDon't close your eyes, those aliens are everywhere. Wow, I love the botanical gardens and it does look like a spaceship. The guerilla knitters have struck again :D It's lovely lol
What really surprised me is your love of the chili sauce. I keep a few flamethrowers around as well hahaa
HAhahah, Dr Assburn's. Fecking awesome! I like the sound of them. Particularly that first one because fresh jalapenos have such an amazing zingy flavour as well as the heat.
The guerilla knitters are a busy bunch. They must have a big worldwide club!
Oh yeah, the jalapenos are delicious. About once a month I make a Mexican Cornbread with a whole layer of jalapenos in it. The heat is not too bad but wow! what flavor. Damn I have gone and made myself hungry lol. I'd best get on to making dinner.
Darn you have made me hungry now!!! Hot dog I want that cornbread!!
I, also, have been visited by the aliens ... once or twice. They left carvings of the whole darned family!!!!
Hehe, those two biggies are truly awesome! The one on the top right does have an alien ait about it!
Throughout reading this, i can't help but constantly think - I hope Boom wiped his ass!
Ironically I see traces of William Shatner, left behind by aliens, and I don't think they are poking fun at all of us. Just you, in response to a whiff that might be coming from you (as a result of you not wiping) - which kinda confirms my suspicions.
The ship looks pretty cool, though and all the life force inside. Except for the bench.It looks itchy, but now that I think about it, might have been strategically placed there (for you) as another opportunity to wipe.
But what do i know - I'm probably just reading to deep into your shit (sorry, could not resist the opportunity)
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I WIPED!!! Whoe doesnt? After all if you don't, it gets that dry cotton wooly way and make squeaking noises when you walk or shift in your seat.
So I have heard...
Imagine wiping your arse on someones good wooly bench, the ultimate contempt! HA!! :OD
Bahwhaha! Pics or it didn't happen! (Disclaimer: this statement was purely made for the laugh. The author of said statement has now or ever really wanted to see pics of an unwiped ass. She gets enough of those visuals when changing diapers)
Lol that bench is actually quite hideous (not looking, it looks meek and harmless, but give me all kinds of bad feels), purely because it makes me itchy just looking at it. I feel like I'm breaking out already. Wiping asses on it would be an improvement. Lol.
Send the usual 25$ to [email protected]. The pics will be with you within the hour!
I didn't like the idea of sitting on the bench for thinking of all of the other unwashed folks that might have previously sat on it! lol
LOL i dont blame you!
Funny kinda related story. The kid is potty training and we on the final hurdle. Getting her to do number 2 in the potty and not her pull-ups. In an attempt to speed things up i took a pic of her mess as it spilt out and was quite a site. thought it would gross her out. She just became obsessed with pic and wanted to show everyone. (and she didn't even ask for 25$). I obvs deleted it after I showed her. Kids man. Biggest Weirdos!
They are! My boy potty training wanted me to take photos of every poo that he got in the toilet and was dead proud and I am like, dude, I don't want to take photos of your shit!?!?
Mental! But hilarious! Gotta love these weirdos!
🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Thank you, Mr. Wells! That was fine excursion into the alien world!
Love the bouncy kid up there! 😄
Hehe, cheers m'dear! What is life if it is without the bouncing! :OD
😂 Bouncing rocks! haha
I couldnt agree more, it should be an integral part of the day ;O)
Thats a nice looking exotic vegetable engine and green hairy penis worm. I've never seen such so big 😂
Cool knitted bench as well. Looks like a fun day.
It got funner once the cocktails started flowing more, it was definitely a nice little jaunt though.
Them penis worms, its hard to comprehend such alienity :OD
Yeah I bet. what's the drink by the way? It looks like a Caesar but I've never seen them anywhere but Canada.
It was a bloody Mary, a bit of an extravagant one but it was a bit of an extravagant cocktail bar!
Was the nicest bloody Mary I have had
Yeah that makes sense. Explains why it looks like a Caesar. Cool!
I dont even know what a Caesar is, I must google!
It's very similar to a bloody Mary but it mixes clam juice in with the tomato juice. It sounds weird but it's delicious. So it's vodka, clamato (tomato and clam juice), worchestershire sauce, tobasco, and salt and pepper, with celery spice rimmer. They are also known for having very elaborate garnishes. Standard garnish would be a celery, olive, and probably a spicy bean but some places add a pepperette (small pepperoni sausage) or a shrimp, or something like that.
Some places take it way too far and add the most ridiculous garnishes like a chicken wing, pizza slice, small hamburger or the craziest of all, a full roast chicken hahaha 😆 those get into the realm of stupidity though.
Holy shit this was a good one. The 'exotic vegetable engine' and 'green hairy penis worms' got me rolling this morning my dude!
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Anal Angst gets em everytime. I wish I had invented that! :OD
Your ass would be a multi-millionaire! 😂
It'sa miserable bastard, it would run off and not tell me then I would be left literally hanging next time I went to la lavertoire!
You must be killin' it out here!
@enginewitty just slapped you with 5.000 PIMP, @meesterboom.
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Indeed, it looks like an UFO or Alien Ship. However, the bench would make me think that it was human-made 😁
But even Aliens need a wee seat now and then :OD
And ALL before breakfast ! I don't know how you people do it !
Now.... back to the can to finish.
LOL !!!
We are a doughty race us Scots. After that it was back to the homestead and feeding the barley for the harvest! :OD
I have never understood the fascination of knitting crap to put on other crap....
At least they havent gone so far as to start layering knitting upon knitting... yet :OD
the "double-knit" - it is double-denim for hipsters.
I still shudder at double-denim bleurgh!
Good to see you still on here! I'm trying to put some effort into coming back myself. We'll see how this (7th or 8th) attempt goes. lol
Mr Wolfe, long time no see!
Come on back, its vastly different from the way it used to be, in a good way :O)
The funniest ship, I mean shit I've read all day!
And the comments 😁 there's no shame in drinking cocktails in a botanical garden!
There really isnt but sometimes as a man you have to pretend its terribly shameful and shout about killing things and beer, lol!
Hahaha this made me laugh, I get it, but you definitely hit it right when you decided that mammoth building looks like a spaceship. It's quite mesmerizing.
It is , the photos dont do it justice to the way it lurks, curves gleaming in the light :O)
Hi @meesterboom ,it's all the aliens' fault haaaaaaa, even the change in your drink haaaaaaa, what catches my attention is the chair, I guess they have some sheep haaaaaa, but you're right, the place is shaped like a flying saucer
It is very space looking from the outside even though it is over a hundred years old!
I blame the aliens for everything :OD
I was half expecting you to say the aliens poisoned you with the wrong drink😅
Well, I'll give it to you, that place looks like a ship from outside.
Haha! It really does, the first thing I thought when I saw it!
I'm watching out for poison 😜
Well I got one of those strange tree right here on my balcony here in Michigan. Goes to show ya how balls hot its been this summer lol.
Good Gawd man is that how they do a bourbon on the rocks over there? 🤣
My god! You live in an alien spaceship!? How long have you been here? Do you come in peace?
We mean you no harm!!
Thanks for the tour around the spaceship it certainly houses some nice indenous alien plants aswell 👽👽👾 buzz buzz, oh wait, oh wait thats a bee🐝👻
Those are certainly natural colon cleaners you've got there matey
A bee? You mean one of their devilish mini robotic sentries! ;O)
The pipes are clean as a whistle after some of them sauces!
Hahaha splendid.. Listen i have a question... Ive been on hive since the steemit days.. I only recently rediscovered the hive platform and I would like to recast my votes regarding the witness thingy stuff😂
Back then i didnt really give a crap and i just picked the first 30 witnesses on the list.. Would you mind giving me a few options that you think would value to the blockchain? Seeing that you are a big influencer of the platform... I remember your name from years ago
I used to do the same! Nowadays I vote the ones that, as you say, bring value. At least in my book.
For me, that tends to be the developers, Blocktrades, themarkymark, gtg etc and some others that in the past have shown that they do something for hive. I vote when I see something that makes me think they are worthy.
Its a toughie though, that's for sure!
Okay, thanks alot @meesterboom I have 30 to choose from but Im down three so far.. Ill do some diggin up on the witnesses and see which i like 😎👀
Btw what is the origin of your name if I may ask.. Because it looks like something from my laungauge.. If that makes fucking sense at all... It looks like afrikaans... Or dutch perhaps
I believe it is Dutch! Master tree or something.
However it's nothing to do with anything like that and everything to do with my old cat who I named Mr Boom :0)
Ahhh Okay fantastic, thought you might be a South African, we use to have a thriving community back on steemit... Then shortly after the hard fork happened to Hive the community started dying off, but it had nothing to do with the hard fork though
🤣🤣🤣 when you find them, be sure to congratulate them on using green energy!
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Green energy!! Hehe, thats awesome. Yes indeed that is obviously what they are up to!
That bench is the shit... I wish I had it's twin for my porch area
ITs comfy! And in winter it wouldnt be cold!
It wouldn't be cold on my porch in winter either
You cant find my porch in winter for the snow!
Exactly. Fuck that.
That is one cool spaceship. 🛸
Lol, it is eh! So curvy and futuristic! :OD
🤣😆🤣😂 That was fine excursion. Now we know that they're plants and coctail lovers. they're not scary at all huh.
It does take the fear out of them! heh heh :OD
Quite a lovely alien place!
Haha, I had that exact experience the other day, weird fruity cocktails instead of beer...(the buzz was loads of fun, the next morning however reminded me why beer is my trusted and true friend!)
Aye, the next morning can be a tough one indeed! I tend to stick mostly to the beer for that same reason although I do like a wine or six 😜
Wine isn't so bad for me, as long as I don't go straight to bed, and drink plenty of water beforehand:0)
I saw that you sent me a Yo on discord, sorry I didn't see it sooner! Now of course I'm burning with curiosity 😆
I think you've had too much of the Anal Angst. It can cause hallucinations from what I've heard. Take two cans of Iron Brew and something deep fried to recover.
Irn Bru is a great healer! It is the life blood of us Scots!
Might not stop the angsty hallucinations though :OD
I had to reread this once or twice, before I realized what you were doing
Haha!
You sure are a metaphor master
I live for the metaphors. Without them life would be a pale and sickly thing! :OD
for a minute you actually got me with the whole ~alien~stuff.
this place has lots of beautiful sights to behold.
Hehe, it looks alien enough! :OD
nice one.
Cheers!
Hey that place is pretty cool. Although, unless youre squeezin out pigeon poops, its more like an Ewoks arm ehh, theyre kinda midget-ish no. Lol.
You are right of course. I should have said a Wookie's finger! :OD
Did you put your teeth back in your mouth after finishing cleaning them?
They are wooden teeth. I had to give them a long soak before putting them back in! :O)
You crack me up mate.
Lol, magic. Thats the aim! :OD
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Hi, its my fucking sorry ass again.. Id like to make a short post about the witnesses and how im scrapping most of them, would you mind me mentioning your name in it. Or rather not?
And if so in what community would such a post be relative
I have no idea which community works be relevant. I am not much of a community man 🙂
But yeah, I don't mind if you mention me
Thanks alot brother, Ill scour around first finding the right group
I would like to post in a community... Seeing that I think most of my follower are and have been inactive for ages
Yeah, you should. There are lots around
Ah stop man, only you could do a sight seeing day like this and it make funny as fuck! My favorites were "And when I say I was brushing my teeth then I patently mean that I was sitting on the throne squeezing out a Ewok's finger whilst surfing Hive." And the Anal angst sauce 🤣🤣🤣
Anal angst. that's hilarious. The Catholic Church have probably stopped that company from coming here. That sauce would be sold out everywhere just for the giggles.
I bought it just for the giggles, I would have loved it even if there was no actual anal angst :0D
Egads! I almost forgot about the "Boomster" being busy and all that, thinking you'd aquired or been acqui-hired by Microsoft or the Facebags. Thus I set my Ewok's finger into motion and made an incursion onto these fabled pages to honor you with my presence.
Having graced these digital tomes, I must now be off (not my rocker) to attend to pressing business. As I flit away, the beautiful images contained herein will remain buried in my brainstem until further notice. Good day.