Yes lass, I am just cutting through the park. Be home in five minutes.
I put my phone away and smiled to myself. It was the weekend, it was nearly December and Christmas was looming. I was feeling exceptionally happy. I had two bottles of wine in my rucksack, some tinsel and a jar of smoked chilli paste.
Hopefully, the Police didn't stop me and search my bag. I mean, I would arrest someone for that shit.
The park was beginning to get dark, full of the usual dog walkers with their flicky ball throwers and some kids attempting to set fire to some plastic.
Good times.
Up ahead on the path, I saw a man with a large black poodle. I chuckled to myself, a fucking poodle. Why not just tie a bath mat up with some butcher's string and cover it in piss and have that for a pet. It would probably be cheaper to maintain.
I saw the Poodle start to squat and the man tug at its lead in alarm.
Ebonia wait. Wait!
The man ferreted about in his bag and pulled out a black baggy which he rapidly pulled over his hand like a glove.
I looked, perplexed, as I approached to within about ten feet of them. By now he had crouched down and was hovering around Ebonia's arse with his bag-sheathed hand waving from side to side like someone attempting to change gears on a tractor made of bacon.
I felt a dawning sense of horror overcome me and slowed to a stop.
By now Ebonia was twitching like a flea-infested carpet.
Dog dude must have sensed someone and looked over his shoulder at me apologetically.
Easier to catch it as it comes out.
He exclaimed cheerily as if we all loved to shit in each other's hands of an evening.
Fucking... What?
I sputtered like a poorly lit firework.
It's kinda sticky right now, so it is easier to catch it as it comes out instead of all that scraping from the ground, you know?
The guy grinned like some kind of shit-catching demon sent from hell with a mission to chew gum and catch shit.
I looked at him with a seething sense of wrong as something dark and foamy started flubbering from his dog's arse into his bagged hand like a Mr Whippy from another darker dimension.
There we are. There's a good girl.
Shitcatcher reassured his satanic bathmat as more brown foam shuddered out onto his hands with a wet gurgling noise.
I made a boak noise as I attempted to stifle the need to explosively vomit. No doubt Shitcatcher would put on another one of his baggy gloves and try to catch it if I did.
My head was spinning. Whatever happened to just letting your dog shit on the ground and punching someone who complained?
What was the world coming to? Was no one thinking of the poor toilet paper companies if we all started catching our shits?
Please don't tell me you are going to wipe your dog's arse?
I said trying not to show my utter revulsion at this fucking shambles of a human being and his brown-fingered devilry.
Eww, of course not!
Shitcatcher stared at me as if I was the scat-catching deviant and not he.
He stood and turned the baggy on his hand inside out, knotting it before depositing it in a pocket.
Wipe her bottom. That's just wrong. Weirdo.
He shook his head and hurried away, pulling urgently on Ebonia's lead as if he wanted to get home before the poo in his pocket got cold.
I stared after him, lost for words. He just caught his dog's shit in his hand and I am the weirdo?
Fuck me, life is too hard.
Hi Boomy!
Damn I missed your last post, we are in Rome with the family for some visits to Samuele and I didn't look at the PC, in reality it should have appeared in my Feed anyway!
In any case yes, life is really hard and, never like in this case do I hear that we live in a shitty world, lol!!!
Not having been able to vote on the post I did differently ;-)
I hug you and hope to read you very soon!
I almost missed your reply! I hope all is well in Rome.
Thank you very much, it is most kind and not required. A comment is as good as avote otherwise I always say :O)
Yes, everything is fine in Rome!
Today we're taking Samuele to Santa's village so we can beat up some Elves 🤣🤣🤣
It is absolutely not an obligation, for me it is always a great pleasure!
I hug you my friend!
Give them elves what for!
Many hugs from the bitter cold north :OD
Great Monday morning pick me up laugh, late to the party catching up!
"Who flung dung", that's the pits catching the dog shite before hitting the ground.
I know I would have laughed out loud, spektical to behold, have buried enough shit over a lifetime. 💩
Who flung dung, Ihavent heard that for a long time! :OD
Please, please, please, please, please tell me this is not based on true events. Just tell me that, please.
Shitcatcher is too respectable a name for that human being. I mean you really need all that detail about dogshit don't you? I guess you're life would have felt utterly incomplete if you had left that scene without that level of information.
We're seeing a lot more of this nowadays - dog ownership. It's as though people are turning to dogs because they can not create any meaningful human relationships anymore. Then these people think you will want to talk about their dogs or play with them, no I don't actually I just want to get to the shops so can you just get the dog out of my pathway or I will kick it, thanks.
I don't want to give you the wrong impression here, I actually like most dogs but the same can not be said of their fuckwit owners.
By the way, why aren't I following you? I don't understand, actually perhaps I do!!
VIP reward: 0.5 Hive
It pains me, it truly pains me but alas, the man was indeed catching his own dogs muck because it had squishy poos I could not believe that humanity would stoop to that level but alas, it had!
I do like dogs but I would struggle to pick up their poo in a bagged hand let along wait for the train... lol
I thought I was following you too, ha, fixed now :o)
Honestly, as a specie on this beautiful plant we are just degenerating, there is no other word for it.
It's so very true in almost all ways!
Damn. I can picture ole shitcatcher trying to wipe a poodles ass. You ain't right for putting that image in my brain..
It's one that's not forgotten easy! 🤣🤣
Ha! I did enough dealing with the sticky stuff when the kids were young. I do think it's right that dog owners should clean up after their mutts and I can sort of get his point as leaving some in the grass is not great when kids could roll in it. I see plenty of evidence of people who don't clean it up.
We have a cat who mostly buries her business in the garden, but will use the tray indoors. At least it mostly goes dry in there. I wouldn't want it in my pocket anyway.
Shit is a fact of life.
I wish our cats would have poo'd in the garden but they refused. Gits.
I ask ask for the cleaning it up. Now that you mention it, maybe that's what he was thinking about leaving smears on the grass. It rains so much here though that you think it would wash away a bit. It was a foul thing to see!!
Not as bad as the gits who hand it up on trees. That's just plain odd too!
Yeah, bagging it and leaving it behind is just weird. There are a fair few bins around here for the crap. I did hear of some short-sighted old lady who mistook one for a letter box :)
Haha, that is a new definition of shitpost!!
There are bins all over here too but some funkers just hate doing anything they are meant to!
LOL oh now that's something I haven't come across before. I suppose next comes the shit milking. I mean, if the pooch isn't cooperating in a timely manner then, a little massage and squeeze must might work lol.
And he had the nerve to call you weirdo??
Exactly, it was the weirdest thing I have ever seen. I dread to think what good one in the house with it... Time for another tummy rub my darling lol
Maybe he is a sausage maker and will used to that kind of thing 🤣🤣
LOL I would hate to be his wife hahaaa. He probably used it for a hand warmer on his way back home.
Seems like that's something that would go on at a Diddy party
Haha, it's all coming out about diddy now!!
The pocket thing, that gave me the boak too!! Yikes!
Yeah there's a whole lotta shit coming out with those 'famous' people lol.
I tried it with my dog but I think she's sick :/
Actually I'm making banana bread...hope it don't taste like shit lol
Haha! Just for a moment you nearly had me!! I love banana bread. I am sure it will be!!
It was delicious..not shitty at all lol.
Catching it is a new one lol. I can kind of see his point 😅 if it was in the middle of someone's driveway or something but not on grass. Never caught shit myself.
No man no!?! Lol 😂 we noticed a huge difference between Canada where everyone picks up their dog shit and France where many people don't. Some places had shit everywhere, on sidewalks and everything. Stepping in dog shit is a major piss off lol.
Never caught shit myself
I think that is a hallmark of a gentleman!! I will never catch it!!
I always hate standing in it. Things are quite clean here these days but up to about five or six years ago there was shit everywhere. They have wardens giving people who do it which has helped!
I remember when I was younger that there was a shift as well, from no one doing it to all of a sudden a lot of talk about people cleaning up after their dogs. Signs were put by the city in some places with a threat of fine and that sort of thing. Now it's just common practice. And it's rare to see signs or talk about fines or anything. Its pretty rare to see people leave it. You still sometimes come across the idiotic thing of people picking it up and then throwing the bag in a bush though. I assume they pick it up because someone is there watching and then toss it when no one is looking. 🙄
Yeah, there are always those who still try to be sly.
I think so much has improved over the years. People used to just drop litter everytywhere too and although there are still manky bastards who dont give a hoot and do lots of people think twice about it.
Maybe one day everybody will be nice and respectful, although the way things are going it kinda looks the opposite!
Yeah. I remember seeing people throw full garbage bags out of the car window while driving g when I was younger. Haven't see that in a very long time. Definitly gotten a lot better but like you said, there are still some selfish twats out there
Damn them to hell!! 😃
Ewwwwww.......
I'm late for the party ! How did I miss this?
Maybe I SHOULD have missed this, just like you were probably wishing you had missed that whole scene. LOL !!
That's just gross, but at least he took it with him, if that's any saving grace, instead of leaving it like a lot of folks do, even though they DO know better.
I bet he has some sort of fetish for it though, catching warm dog pooh. Just when you think there is something too weird to do, there is someone that wants to do it.
Imagine that was his fetish and trying to explain that to a new partner. I just like the warmth.... you know? LOL!
It was fecking awful, I thought my eyes were going to pop right out of my head
Even worse if it is not just dogs he likes doing that for. ahahahahahhaha....
I can't possibly get excited unless you pooh in my hand first!
(said no one ever, I hope)
🤣
I think if every toilet bowl has a bidet nozzle, people would not need toilet paper :)
I think they arent that popular here because our water is so cold! :OD
Good if you ate something bitter 😄
True enough, a soothing balm in fact!
This picking shit out of the ass is a real act of love...🤣 yuck! I wonder what a poo catcher's thinking is, will he think what falls into his hand is a treat or something, maybe? Alas, I'm drinking coffee and as well as laughing it's giving me a bit of a stomach churn.
Imagine that being the source of treats... Yeek!!
I picked up some once when I was walking someone's dog the warmth of it freaked me out
😂 You can only write like this about something you know well.
Oh, Ebonia... 😁 cute name.
I like to be an expert in my field :OD
😄👌🏻👀
Shitcatcher ha!.., if the dog has eaten something dodgy... this technique could go terribly wrong.
I think it had! What was coming out was not the big firm ploppies you would wait to be catching even if that was your thing. Bleurgh
Having some experience with dog shit (but not shit catching)..., you would need 1 hand to hold the lead and 2 more for the bag to position it. I don't see how this could be done with 1.., or maybe this isn't work talking about 😀
I'm thinking logistically it can't be healthy to dwell upon it 🤣🤣
😃😃
Well, I am lost for words too, cackling here like a crazy old hen! I want to hear if any poodle lovers comment😂
We once had German guests who persuaded me to allow them to bring their doggie as the 4th guest in our BnB cottage. The man used to take him for a walk in the garden behind the cottage, with the poop scoop in hand. I think he was scooping, however, and not catching.
Yucky thought!
Have yourself a happy Sunday, Mr. Boom!
I have never seen anyone get the goods direct from the source so to speak. I laughed when I got home thinking about it!!
A very happy Sunday to you too missus!! 😃😃
What the hell, that can't be real... Here people pick it up and throw in the bid since you get a bill to pay if you don't and get caught
I could barely believe it myself. It is the same with thin binning here but usually prior let it fall out to the ground first!
🤣🤣🤣🤣. Yeah, life is shitty sometimes. I won't be surprised if he tells someone like him he met a weirdo today😅😅.
This part made my day!😆😆 Happy new month, Jefe.
Hehe, happy new month to you too!!
If I hear of anyone round my patch saying I'm weird they will be getting the back of my hand! 😃😃
Where I live I have to tell the neighbors to clean up the dog excrement, some get angry and others have a conscience. It's a weird world
Wow first time I see a hiver of level 81, salduos from Colombia
Saludos! There are quite a few with reps higher than mine!
Dog poo is a gnarly business. I suppose I should be grateful that at least he was cleaning it!!
Good luck, good times, then the police don't stop. It's good that you had a good weekend and enjoyed your life a lot. Physical activities are very important for all of us, and we also Whenever they go to the park, dogs are also walking with such humans and are loyal animals.
They are the loyalest of beasts but I wouldn't fancy catching their poo!
My tummy hurts of laughing 😆
Lol, excellent! 😃
#hive #posh
!PIZZA
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Wow, I'm trying to wrap my head around his logic but I guess that's a total waste of time. Lol.
you should have put it on his head 🤣
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