Could you do me a favour and stick a dark wash on?
The Good Lady yelled from the depths of the house.
I looked up from the beanbag I was sprawled on whilst I navigated the depths of space in Starfield, my latest Xbox addiction and chuckled.
In the game, I slaughtered some space pirates that were attempting to kidnap some good citizens and hold them to ransom. Then after the good citizens thanked me and gave me a trfling reward I slaughtered them too.
I nodded happily. Truly life was good.
DADDY-BEAR?! I DONT HEAR THE WASHING MACHINE?!
I came to with a start and realised that all that innocent civilian rescuing and slaughtering had taken about fifteen minutes of real life time. Baws.
It's not on yet!?
I yelled to the disembodied voice that purported to be the Good Lady.
What if it wasn't? What if it was a sexy ghost, plotting to Dan Akroyd me?
I loosened my belt a bit to make it easier for whichever denizen of the afterworld was coming for some Boom Koftadas.
It's not on?! Please can you put the washing on right now?
The Good Lady's voice echoed a little exasperatedly from beyond the veil.
I chewed my lip. Maybe it wasn't a sexy ghost trying to seduce with talk of washes? Maybe it was the actual Good Lady with murder in her heart because I was a lazy XBox playing bastard?
That would be unfortunate.
I had better set this ghost a test.
IS THAT A RHETORICAL QUESTION?
I yelled, hopefully loudly enough to pierce the tenuous membrane between this world and the next.
There was no answer. In fact, the resulting silence from my question stretched out until even I began to feel uncomfortable.
Then I felt it, the tension building up to eruption point. Christ this is what it must have felt like in the final days of Pompeii. At least I wasn't jacking off into a clay pot like some of the poor bastards immortalised in ash seem to have been.
Would that count as glazing?
Hmm, such pondering.
The door to the lounge burst open and a deliciously furious Good Lady stood there, red-faced and trembling slightly like a magnificent Gazelle refusing to wear lederhosen.
Her stern gaze dropped to the XBox controller in my hand and then to the bean bag I was sitting on. Slowly it wandered over to the half-eaten bag of Doritos beside me. Her voice started out as a low cracking boom like thunder in the night sky.
Are you enjoying yourself Daddy-Bear?
She clenched her lips (not the naughty ones, I had no way of telling through the yards of cloth she was wearing. It was winter after all.)
Are you enjoying yourself Daddy-Bear, whilst I am up in the attic fixing the door to a cupboard?!?
Her voice boomed like the sea smacking the rocks at high tide. It was only then I noticed she was brandishing a screwdriver as if she knew what side screwed things and what side you hit people who annoyed you with.
She waved the screwdriver from side to side as if I were a naughty loose hinge.
Slowly and gently, I set the Xbox controller to one side and opened my mouth to answer.
Her eyes burned bright like a Californian hillside in the summer.
I raised a finger and cocked my head to one side.
Is that a Rhetorical question?
I asked mildly.
There was a mad sputtering noise then an almighty explosion.
In the ensuing eruption, I held one thought close to my heart.
At least I wasn't masturbating into a clay pot.
hahaa...that clay pot might be your best friend if you don't get the damned washing on LOL. I'm glad to see you made it through or you wouldn't be here telling us about it :D
My son lives here with me and he gets the Starfield going as soon as he gets home from the day's labor. Says he gets enough exercise at work bahaahaa
Hahaha, Starfield is magic. I am losing a ridiculous amount of time and sleep and life to it!
I am starting to have an inkling that it is annoying the Good LAdy! :OD
Might have to sneak up to the attic to play lol
I cant, I need the big screen! The TV up there is awful. Like something from ten years ago. Oh wait, it is something from ten years ago! :OD
lol you're screwed
I just need to convince her that we need a new TV desperately!
Does she ever read these? I'm careful with what I say about the family just in case.
Mind you, the concept of 'just a minute whilst I finish reading this fascinating article/watch this video/do this drumming lesson' does not seem to go down well when some little job needs doing around the house.
She does but never voluntarily. She only reads the ones I push at her and say * read read read*... Which is lucky.
She was exceptionally impatient today. As if I just lazed about all day long!
you clearly did not lazed about all day as you only finished half a bag of Doritos. I want to get myself a beanbag to chill and think on in my recently ( today! ) acquired studio space.
The beanbags are awesome. I steal the kids ones when they are not there and laze about like a loon. The bag of doritos is getting finished tonight! :OD
Your studio would love a beanbag! We need to see it!
These women should understand games come first, unless we are in heat (which can be often). Slaughtering the poor people, how could you? 🤣
Sometimes I only play the games to slaughter the innocent!! 🤣🤣
I can't bring myself to do that morally, even in a game!
I am terrible for it. The Good Lady can't bear to watch!
Lol you wish you were as lucky as Dan. Keep this up and that screwdriver is gonna send you to the great beyond!
The good lady wins again!
Boomy: 0
Good Lady : 1 million
Can you say KO!?
!LOLZ
I somehow find myself quite happy that she wins. Maybe that's why I am such a meanie in games to the innocent 🤣🤣
Now that's a man that loves his lady! Finding solace in her insanity because you are the source of her insanity! The real circle of life!
Being the source of insanity can be such a wonderful thing!! 🤣🤣
Lol you are just an adrenaline junkie! I think skydiving would be a safer hobbie! 🤣🤣🤣
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Lots of gigglebytes!
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@meesterboom, I sent you an $LOLZ on behalf of mimismartypants
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I really relate to the Good Lady here, because I too have been taking cabinet doors off and being frustrated by naughty hinges!
As a fellow cabinet tinkering good lady, I'm confident she took good care of getting you and all other troublesome hinges properly tightened up ;)
So this attic you mention...is it like a real attic you can stand in and do things in, and store weird shaped items with sheets on and have windows that let in thin streams of dusty light and leave weird impression that could be mistaken for ghostly faces when standing at the street, etc.? I'm so envious. I've got one of these modern attics which is only good for storing Christmas decorations and maybe having a really nasty fall through the ceiling. It is also about 500 degrees up there between the months of April and November. But your attic sounds like one of those you read about in children's books, and I want to rent it for a few weeks and be inspired to write some weird stories :)
Hehe, it isnt a totally massive one but it is quite big and has a window and lots of spaces for things. It has a double bed for guests and a computer desk and other stuffs. It is one of my favourite rooms in the whole house! Right enough you can only stand upright in the middle area but still, its smashing!
She tightened everything that needed tightening :OD
Oh my, it is the attic of my dreams. I'm envisioning Scotland as the land of wonderous attics. I can just see the bumperstickers now: I ❤️ Scottish Attics. Do with that what you will.
I can imagine the curious looks that would garner! :OD
Dark wash? is this a new politically correct term for a coloured wash? Obviously we can't say white wash anymore as it's far too middle class and privileged but perhaps 'clothes of Asian origin' wash may be better?
Anyway, obviously you're an enlightened household. Allowing your wife access to your tools is very 'millennial man' but in your case, a painful lesson on why we need to return to traditional roles in the nuclear family.
Wishing you all the best and hoping your Doritos remain crispy and cheesy and your wife didn't attempt some 'emergency repairs' to your Xbox, or any other box for that matter :-)
I might start calling it an Asian origin' wash now.
I don't think I would last long on this earth right enough with that kind of patter 😀🤣
Beanbag chair, Xbox, Doritos... not looking good for you in the eyes of the missus lol
I had the day off and it was a Friday, I think we had different priorities :OD
You: "it's Friday and I have the day off. What shall I do with myself. I know I'll, relax and enjoy myself in peace and catch up on my gaming!" 😁
Wife: "oh good you're off today. Here, I made a long list of chores that I need you to do for me!" 😈
You: "mother$!##%$!🤬😡
The situation in a nutshell. I must confess when she told me she was talking a half day my heart sank a bit 🤣🤣
Perhaps you were in a parallel universe so you couldn't get the answer 😄
Somehow I dont think she will buy that one! :OD
Whoa boy, you're in trouble. Lol. We've all been there at some point, and will be again. ; ) Hell hath no fury like a woman not listened to.
I know, at the not listening to her increasing jealousy of my Starfield obsession on the Xbox and I'm in a world of hurt!
May the force be with you!
Haha, something has better be!!
😂😂😂 You don't want to find out what a Cuban means in the role of the good lady!!! 😂😂😂 The strength of the Caribbean hurricanes!!!
I bet I have a fair idea of that kind of fury!!
I think she might match it! lol!
hahahahaha....... with the fury of the volcano the screwdriver melts, but with hurricane winds it becomes a projectile. be careful !!!! 😬😁
I'm always just careful enough... 😀
One must be very careful about what one says to a woman when she is brandishing any kind of tool, including kitchen knives and saucepans.
I can only imagine you forgot this in your other-reality-ness. Lucky you still have your boom koftata imo. Mrs Boom, I'm with you sister..
In the long shadow of an all-star sooner evening I can see her point.
Still, your should have seen her face. It was worth it! 🤣🤣
I do wish Mrs Boom would come on and give her side to every story - that would be hilarious. Hope you are well. I seem to miss a lot of your posts because of the times they go out and they tend to disappear in my feed for some annoying reason. Last night I caught it as I woke up at 3 am.
I used to do them much later but now it's like I try to do them earlier so I can chill for the rest of the day. Don't know what that says about me!!
She did laugh at this one. Although her perspective is vastly different. Her take would be a sobering counterpoint,lol!!!
I don't hear the washer......
😂
... but since you made this post about it, I see you did actually live through it. I'm glad to see you made it and that she didn't stuff you in the washer with the darks.
I survived. It was touch and go. We had a slightly heated discussion on what I should be doing on my day off. LOL!!
I understand. I always feel like my days off during the week are bits of vacation. I rarely over work myself on those days. :)
Exactly. All I wanted to do was start at the TV and eat Doritos!!!
That made me laugh !
🤣🤣
Looks like rhetoric wasn't the problem, my friend. Women go crazy whenever we play games, I don't understand why :P
I did debate whether or not to entitle the story Witch Woman but you know, if she saw that I really would be dead 🤣🤣
I only can imagine what happened with the Good Lady's screw driver, I hope you are okay 😂
Fortunately, it did not end up embedded in any of my tender parts! 😀😀😀
LoL deserved XD Though I am slightly worried are you still alive? :D
I am not sure if I'm still alive or just a sexy ghost beyond the veil 🤣🤣🤣
LoL! Well if people are reacting to you as normal in meatspace then you're probably still alive, for some reason most people can't perceive beyond the veil so they'd be apparently ignoring you all the time if that were the case XD
And who knows with the internet we could be communicating with some ghosts in the machine and never know D:
We absolutely could and probably will be in the near future!!
There will be no getting rid of some folk!!
Ooohh nuuuuuuuuuuuuu XD
I'm surprised you survived that eruption to write this. What I would pay to be in the same room when you asked the final question and the ensuing chaos. I fear for your lack of self preservation, and admire your limitless courage. When will women realize that it is difficult to pause games and stop playing when you're having fun?
It is incredibly difficult to pause at a good bit!!
I survived unscathed!! This time 😀
Ten out of ten for tone of voice coming through the words, I can but imagine that machine got switched on swiftly.
Ghostly dream to have, topped on Pompeii, clay pot an all....
!BEER for later!
The machine did get switched on rather quickly!! I know what's good for me sometimes!! 🤣🤣
Denis the Menace on the move. Can picture flying out that chair like a cat with turps under the tail to get things done!
Lol, Denis the Menace, defo like that. That takes me back!
This is hilarious 😂. If I would have asked my wife or mother that question, I would have seen a sandal flying through the house like a boomerang headed towards me 😂. Luckily my dodgeball skills are on point 😂😆.
Yeah, you gotta be fast to avoid such attacks!!! Or maybe not cause them in the first place 😀😀
🤣🤣 If life was to be like this then we all will be savage
What a life it would be, never trusting anyone!! ☠️🤣🤣☠️
🤣🤣 i guess thats a pretty good moral lesson about life, dont even trust a fly or your undies 🤣
Brilliant!
And I trust you survived the explosion.
It was hot and fiery but it only served to rebirth me!! 😀😀
I think you wanted to accompany the poor people you had previously liquidated on the Xbox.
Did you really ask her that, twice?!
...and yes, this is a rhetorical question! 🤣🤣
Haha, rhetorical questions are the best!!! 😀😀
At least I wasn't jacking off into a clay pot like some of the poor bastards immortalised in ash seem to have been.
😁😁
Captured in plaster of Paris years later to be looked upon by the masses for all eternity!!
And they all look and think, surely they weren't.... :OD
Do they sell special clay pots for that or will just any old pot work..?
Asking for a friend.
I have a straight line to a man who sells the right kind of pot. no questions asked :OD
#hive #posh
The video is funny
I'm sure the guy didn't see the lady maybe it was just a mere imagination in his head
I remember watching it with my kids and being horrified because I had forgotten about that scene!
Thanks for sharing this content.
SirDelly, thank you for thanking me on this account
😆
You dance good! 😆😆😆
Eh... you boys and your gaming though 🙄
And youre masturbating 🙄
And your rhetorical questions 🙄
And do y'a wanna make friends on Xbox, play Fartnite Duos and never mind the laundry?
Happy weekend, gentleman, I'm commenting a little late today because I've had discrepancies with my home internet...
I tell you that when my husband plays deaf, but "yeahhhhhh", he is listening to my request to "HELP me" and he doesn't stop me, what do you think I do?, I apply it the same, but with the little things that he likes the most lol, and it works for me, more than rhetoric, I think revenge is sweet lol.
Virtual big hugs to you.
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Just like that, there is no respect at all in one's own home. If one keeps playing games and doing things in the same way, then the family also does not respect at all, and the same is happening with us if one works If he does things and is human, then he is respected.
#hive #posh
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