Inbox (1438)
I stared gloomily at the unread count of mails in my inbox and made cow chewing motions with my jaw. 1438 mails. Fecking hell. Can't a man take a month off without coming back to this shit?
Anything happen whilst I was away?
I asked of the depressed looking colleague across from me.
He looked up and shook his head sadly.
Nothing ever happens here, you know that.
I sighed, yeah, I knew. I got my head down and started the joyous task of trawling through my email mountain.
The minutes drifted by like hours.
A shadow fell over my desk. I didn't even bother to look up.
Boomdawg!
El Jefe.
The boss bounded round beside me and perched on the edge of my desk. It creaked alarmingly and tilted slightly. I tensed, waiting for it to come crashing down like a deck of cards but it held.
El Jefe grinned like a flirtatious orangutan and grabbed my arm, lifting it up to the light and turning it this way and that.
Where's the sun tan then?
I didn't go away, I was off on paternity leave.
I know that Boomster! I was pulling your leg!
He punched me playfully on the arm. I contemplated ripping his arm from the socket and drinking from the torn end of it like a Viking would with a horn of ale.
El Jefe leaned in close.
Everything go smoothly then? Baby... alright, no lumps or... bumps?
I gazed back impassively.
Everything went swimmingly. Thank you for asking.
I had no idea what the lumps or bumps bit was all about, was he asking if my baby was deformed?
El Jefe beamed with pride as if he had deposited the sperm and delivered the resulting baby himself.
Excellent, excellent! Well, it's good to have you back. Very good. Very good indeed...
He looked around as if searching for ninja assassins in the long grass.
I will be straight with you boomster. A lot has happened whilst you have been away. A. Lot.
He gestured expansively with his hands.
We have a lot of shit to get through. We need to get it out of the way and need it out the way fast.
He paused dramatically.
I will forward on all the stuff to you. This shit needs done sharpish. Ok?
I leaned back in my chair and stroked my chin thoughtfully.
Let me get this straight. Someone needs a shit?
I made a clown face and raised my hands into pistols and fired them at him - piaaow piaaow!
He stiffened and radiated a cold and freezing disdain.
I will send the stuff on.
He turned and flounced off.
I went back to my gazillion emails trying my best not to giggle until he was out of earshot.
This part had me in stitches! Thanks for the morning laugh.
And btw, congrats on the newest boomer. :)
Cheers mate, we are awfy pleased with the little fella!!
It's a good image eh!
Great to hear, bud! That is wonderful! Hope both he and mum are doing well. :)
It is, you really laid that out well. lol
Don't you not mark as spam them so in future your inbox is not that much full?
They were real emails though. Couldn't ignore them!
We all know who the real boss is ;o)
Hehe, you might have a point there lass, but aahhh, don't let on ;0)
<CTRL>-A
<SHIFT>-<DEL>
"oops..."
piaaow piaaow!!
Haha! Those are my favourite key combinations!
Back in 2001, I had a manager who did that every Monday morning.
Coincidentally, he was Scottish.
He'd say ... "If it was important, they'd give me a call."
When he got let go ... he received 5 weeks severance per year of service... he had worked there for 36 years.
I had originally thought he was a bit crazy ... but as of that moment, I idolized him.
He had a little bit of BOOM in him.
A little bit of boom hehe, he sounds quite awesome in that respect. That is quite the package too. I respect that kind of thinking!
Unfortunately, I found out about the severance package AFTER I'd got the department to pitch in to buy him a 25 yo bottle of MacAllan!!
The good news, every time I've visited him since then, I've had a wee dram of "the good stuff". His definition of wee is about 3 fingers.
Three fingers would be about right for a Scotsman lol! Keep them visits up! I love Macallan, its smashing
“It’s magic Jimi”
Or
“It’s magic son”
Oh! E-mails are my favorite thing to do! What I do is I click on a checkbox at the top of the heap. It's right there at the top of everything, you can't miss it. What it does is it magically checks all of them, like a mechanical monkey. After that I press a button labeled "Delete" which is French, I think, for "Read everything and reply with the proper response." Then, everything just works itself out. Magic!
Ha, those French! That's an amazing thing! I shall keep an eye out for le checkbox! I might be entering into a new era!
You're already there, Boomdawg! Welcome to the future. We've been waiting for you ;)
Hiya!!
Waves. From a long long way away.
And you've just passed me on the timeline... I guess that's why it's called past. If we ever meet up in the middle, I have a gift there waiting for you. Shall we say... a present.
Oho!! Very good! I like the sound of this present. It doesn't make me feel tense at all...
Perfect! I knew you had a progressive mind, dude. I'm glad you're participleating in that.
Okay, I'm stretching a bit haha!
Ah first day back at work blues. Just delete all those emails. If it's important, they'll email you back.
Also, I'm guessing your colleague was right and not your boss about nothing/lots of stuff happening while you were away?
Yup, colleague was right. Nothing really happened. It's like coming in after being off for a day!
Are you experiencing information overload? I can't even imagine having e mails pile up for a month! Yikes!
It was a bit hectic, the worst of it was that at least half were real ones that had to be read and couldn't just be binned!
1438 emails?? Echh!! It drives me bananas when I have that many in my personal email and all I have to do is delete them...poor me boom! But at least you got to take the skip out of el jefe's step, score!
It's what I live for, this putting the skip out of this peep!! Lol. Took me till today to get through them all. Madness!!!
saludos mi amigo, me alegra que tengas una bonita relación con tu jefe.
Aloha Amiga, si, estamos apretados ;0)
How many emails dear friend 1438 are a lot, much information to incorporate into my head, I had the same thing, what I did, ordered by priority and the challenge eliminated everything and ccomnezaba again.
great the reception of your boss.
I wish you a beautiful day dear friend @meesterboom
A frightening amount! It took me a day and a bit to clear my feet of them. Now i am happy that I am free of that part at least!
Yay for lump & bump free baby boom!
I am quite glad if it!! :0D
Hahaha, bursted @meesterboom...i sometimes check the box and click for read all....most of the mails are junks from the Cryptocurrency sites i have stumbled upon🤣😂😁
I did manage to get through quite a lot lol! :0)
It is painful to read all these unread messages, I advise you to close your eyes and delete them all. when your boss tells you what you're doing, it's a typo.
I did contemplate it. In the end I was too scared lol
A Monty Python man...
It's class stuff that Monty Python!
Imagine that those +1400 emails are +1400 comments to be answered. Easier haha
Hehe, that would make it easier except for the cant answer more than one every twenty seconds malarkey!
Reality bites.
You turn your back for three minutes and suddenly you have 300 emails clamoring for attention... each being an "emergency" due to a storm in a very small teacup.
Information overload. People are trying to cram too much content into too few minutes.
It is funn yhow all of that kind of stuff is an emergency when really its like nah, beat it!
Yeaaa boss, send the stuff, just make sure it's the good type though loool
That would have been a much better scenario. Imagin sitting there and the boss just sends a load of the good stuff along hehe
Well done, you have worked yourself into a position where you are irreplaceable, if all your work emails have to wait until you get back to work because nobody else can handle them, stick in for a pay rise.
A pay rise. I remember such things before the economy went tits up! lol
Ask is free. When you can point out how much you are making the company now you are back, a percentage of that would be good.
I am quite forward that way, here in the UK though madness prevails and it has been quite hard to get a rise in the last four years since we the poor folk have been blamed for the economy tanking
Wow, I can't imagine dealing with all that overload of emails!
I could barely imagine it myself and I was the one looking at them!
At least you had the fortitude to stay away from that email for the whole time you were. Some people would be on their cell phones checking emails the whole time.
Hehe, I was quite determined not to, those people do my head in. There should be a dividing line between work and play!
That is how my inbox is as well but it is just full of garbage.
Lol, mine was half garbage
Ugh I know that feeling - how selfish of your co-workers not to do your work while you were tending to a new life hahaha. Good luck
You are right, it was selfish in the extreme. I shall find ways in which to punish them ;0)
Well at least you survived.
For the moment! ;0)
You are a surviver no doubt.
You can say that for sure. It's like I have fought a bear. And won!
lol your thoughts are particularly violent 'I contemplated ripping his arm from the socket..' hopefully they'll stay just that!
Hehe, it is the curious way my mind works. Fortunately I have resisted such things so far!
lol thank God!
A month away! I envy the ability to do so. It's reasonable, given the new life arriving your home. Here, in the untamed West, its tricky to get a few days off, even if unpaid!
I sometimes think my inbox may call me in the night, slightly intoxicated, muttering, "I just want you to know... I'm still here."
I am glad them that I got the full month and paid to boot. I can't imagine only getting a few days off after that. I should consider myself lucky!
Even my wife received no compensation during her time off. Our employer made her return so unpleasant that she left the company, as did I, once I found other work. The US model for maternity leave is horrid, at best. Paternity leave is nearly nonexistent. My apologies, I've stumbled into a rant. Here's to a pleasant reacclimation, and ever-dwindling inbox!
Inbox cleared!
Rant justified. That's awful. On saying that enters here can be bad too. My wife's last employer did the same to her on her return. Terrible stuff
Nothing important really happens while you're away except that the darned emails pile up filling the inbox to the nth degree...
Lumps and bumps? What the heck is he talking about? A little out of touch with reality, perhaps?
I think you could be right. When he said that I thought you just say words??
Nice writings.Thanks for sharing with us.
Thank you for reading and voting on it
I was thinking about this too...as of this minute 16 pair of eyeballs have had a look see, but only 8 upvotes. what the?
I have noticed that some plucky pups like to come on and comment for the upvote. The number of votes leapt up so I don't know if it was just slow updating!
Only a video including a few certainties that I feel each young lady has to think about connections to enable them to go a little smoother. I trust you appreciate it! Cherish you!