Lass. I've been thinking about your giant snail idea.
The Little Lady, who had up till that point been playing quite happily, snapped her head up to look at me.
Consternation clouded her eyes, as if she were a puppy hearing the phrase we'll need to get his balls chopped off soon.
Daddy... You promised, remember? We don't go back on promises. That's the family rule.
She folded her arms and looked at me smugly.
She obviously had me, there was no wiggle room for me to get out of my promise that she could infest the house with a colony of creepy giant African land snails.
There was no way out... Was there?
Oh don't you worry, darling. This Daddy-Bear keeps his promises.
I lied rather deftly.
Good, so what were you going to say?
She was only giving her half her attention now, happy in the fact that she had stamped my fingers and made me fall into the chasm of obeyment.
I am trying to find some online and I found a guy who is happy to give me a couple of albino ones. Would that be ok?
I winced even as I said it.
Giant snails are an abomination at the best of times and the albino ones are even worse, like frozen milky vomit with a shell on top.
The very idea of one sneaking into my bed and touching my nethers gave me the chills.
Oh wow, really. Can you show me what they look like?
She was awfully excited so I pulled my phone out and walloped in a quick search for giant albino snails.
Seconds later the screen filled with images of horror. Filthy beasts covered in soil and bits of green muck touching each other.
They look amazing!
Breathed my number one daughter.
Well, yes. There is one thing though.
I snapped my phone away and knelt down so I could look her straight in the eye.
You know they can breed without another snail? Like just get pregnant all by themselves?
She nodded.
Well, the guy told me that they can have a couple of hundred eggs several times a year.
The Little Lady's eyes shone at this.
I could see she was envisaging being the Queen of Snails with thousands of slimy alien-like creatures at her beck and call.
So the guy told me that you had to get rid of the eggs because obviously you can't keep hundreds of giant snails in the house...
I made a sad face at the Little Lady as if I was telling her she couldn't get a pet she had set her heart on.
We could put them in the garden?
She said hesitantly.
I shook my head.
No. You can't. They are quite destructive and it's actually against the law to let them loose like that. They would destroy the place.
We could give them away?
She offered, hope lighting up her face.
Again I shook my head.
You would never find homes for them all. You have to get rid of them.
I said with a blank finality.
What does get rid of them mean?
The Little Lady asked with a puzzle look on her face.
You pour boiling water from the kettle all over them then throw them out.
I said bluntly.
What!? You just kill them all?
I leaned back and nodded, now I was the one with the smug smile.
I could see it in my mind's eye. An ocean of souls screaming under my iron shod foot. Burning snail childs writhing in agony as I, the mighty Taker Of Souls laughed dementedly with my twin kettles of boiling mayhem.
I don't think I would like that.
The Little Lady said quietly, snapping me out of my glory dream.
Sympathetically this time, I nodded then leaned in.
Would you maybe like some tropical fish?
You did that deliberately, didn't you. Because you knew this
would happen.
Haha!!! Will, one can always hope!! That's flipping awesome!
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Oh fish are a good bet actually. I had them all through childhood. The best part is that although sometimes they jump out of the tank, they don't get far and certainly not to your nether regions ;)
Hahaha!! Yes, that is one fear assuaged!!! We have a task, now all we need are the fish!!
Papa Bear just levelled up!!!
To the max!!!!!! :0D
Smart move. Apparently they breed multiple times a year and we have had 4 batches in 8 months or something. I never paid attention until I spotted the eggs in the freezer near our food. Fish is much safer plus you can get that shark like one that cleans the tank.
Yeah, I was quite horrified when you mentioned it and then I put a post out on the reddit page for my hometown and someone came back almost instantly desperate to offload his, it was him that toldme about the killing technique. He didnt sound as if he enjoyed it much!
Catfish, its one of the weird glass lickers! I am quite looking forward to getting
meher present!!ENGAGE 30
Lol. I am glad you are sorted on what to get her finally. Apparently they are banned in America as they fear that if they got loose in Florida they would take over like the Pyhton's are right now. Been watchinga series called Guardians of the glades or something like that and they have a big problem. The pythons have even eaten their alligators as there is no animals left to eat as they have systematically munched there way through everything. they have no predators which is a huge problem with the way they breed. Snails would do exactly the same thing to an eco system.
Yeah, they take it real serious here altohugh I am convinced the cold would kill them but who knows.
We have it sorted and are visiting fish land on Saturday!! All the fish will be ours! Or maybe not as she will only get a small tank to start I think. Just in case she gets bored.
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Brutal!
But why snails as a pet, unless you have a fish tank that needs cleaning.
They'd be happy outside in this weather, but I guess you have to think of the Strawberries this summer?
Apparently it's against some errors law in Britain to let these things loose cos they take over the manor add it were. I made a joke to the dude to that effect and he got all serious!!
But fuck it, fish it is!!! Wayhay!!
!ENGAGE 30 !!
A fish tank would be pretty cool, some of them tropical dudes are well pretty. And the snail lovers can get involved too, although you'll likely have to secretly remove a few when they start taking over!
Lol. Fuck snails!! Yeah, tropical fishes is the way ahead. Now I just need to start googling fish and their shady habits!!
I think they like the odd poo race. Longest dangling turd * distance wins!
I remember that from my mates goldfish!!! Yuk, mingin!!!
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Smart and well played, hopefully she does not find a creative reply. She's got your genes, so there's a change she will outsmart you. 😄
Or some crazy kind of tropical fish you would not want either. Except those ones that eat each other.
Ooft, sorry for the delay in replying mate. I have been having some trouble with replies tonight!
She will probably ousmart me and I will find myself wishing for snails, LOL!
It is okay mate, I always take into account the Greenwich Mean Time difference of one hour. 😉
Hahaha, them 🐌 s they are are awefull. Fingers crossed for cannibal tropical fish!
My daughter jumped into a room make-over. Less posting time for me. 😄
Hehe, a room make-over! I don't think it is long before my daughter does the same. She has been complaining about her wallpaper and I am like What?! F off!
Hahaha, be prepared for many room make-overs. ”Those wallpapers are childish daddy..."
Flabbergasted response: "Eurm, my little precious princes, you just turned 7!?"
"Yes daddy, I know, but the wallpaper I have is for 6 years and younger."
No way to argue against that kind of logic. Still try to wrap my head around why her room needed a make-over this time. 🥴
Haha, oh man. That sounds astonishingly familiar!! I had it about the wallpaper I had it about the carpet, the worst one was she is getting dread critical of the built in wardrobe and days she wants something funkier!! I mean, does she expect me to rip it out and pay as fortune for a new bespoke one!
Kids are mad, I guess that's why we love em so!
LOL, may the force be with you.
It all makes sense in their minds. And we love them so dearly and unconditionally that we cave in every bleeding time...
This weekend less Steem for me luckily I already had beer thirstday. 😂🍻
Poor thing, having her hopes crushed. What about Stick Bugs? Hedgehog? Venus Flytrap? I'm considering these for the Spawn's birthday, she has eccentric tastes as well.
I am thinking stick insect too. She was really keen on them at one point but I am not sure where to get them. I will give her the choice!
Oh you can find anything on the internet, I'm leaning towards the flytrap. I feel my tiny demon will have more of an emotional attachment to it. Though the movie Stick Man was a huge hit and could incline her.
I had a flytrap before. They are buggers to keep alive. They hardly ever eat as well. Although the final straw might have been the cold over here in dark Scotland!
Stick man was a cool movie, eh!
Hm, I'll do more research about them, I have issues with keeping plats alive, though someone else in my house seems to be quite skilled at it. I thought he could negate my touch of death but if they're tricky possible not.
And yes, it was, I was pleasantly surprised by it. Also pleasantly surprised the movie Mune, it held the attention of two six year olds all the way through and I thought it was cool.
Oh I havent seen that one, Iwill keep an eye out for it. Anything to keep them occupied.
I got annoyed as I can keep most things alive but not those pesky things!
I managed to keep a small army of children alive for years, give me a cactus or bamboo
Lookin for lost souls?
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Educational. Tactful. But successful?
Quite successful. We are off to look at tanks today for fish!
You know what came to mind with the words "fish tank," right?
Haha! Awesome!! That's my kind of fish tank!!
lol.. Master manipulator! Smooth move sir meesterboom.