The good lady and I stared in abject horror at the ringing coming from the corner of the lounge. It sounded exactly like a house phone but our house phone never rang?
I ventured forward, the good lady tugged me back ineffectually.
What is it? What is that noise?!
She squealed, her face as pale as an albino's penis.
It's the house phone baby, let go. I have to answer it. I have a feeling it's important.
I managed to pull free of her and advanced on the corner where the house phone lurked.
But we don't even have a house phone!!?!
The good lady cried as I approached the plastic serpent that was the house phone. I shook my head, the good lady has never been good with philosophy. Just because it never rang didn't mean it never should. I mean, just because we never played hide the purple monkey anymore didn't mean we never should...
Did it? Should it? Would it?
I shook my head like a wet bull to rid myself of such nigelistic ideas.
There. In front of me in the corner of the room behind the TV was an old and dusty telephone. Its ring still stridently piercing the air. I picked it up with a finely muscled hand, ripe from years of shake'ing it off.
Who is this?
I barked into the receiver.
A sibilant hissing echoed from the earpiece. The hairs on my handsome neck stood on end. The hissing became a crackling and then as if from very far away a distorted voice spoke.
Sir. I am calling about the recent motor accident you had?
What? What accident? I had never been in a motoring accident? I was about to slam the phone down in fury when it clicked. Aaahhh, I understand what's going on.
I had never been in an accident... Not yet at least. Carlate's words rang in my head.
...rewind past the pain points of last year... move forward... Into the future...
Everything suddenly made sense. Of course, I had never been in an car accident but I was shortly due to travel through time in a fiendish experiment conducted by the ravishingly sexy monster that was Carlate.
It was obvious that in the future I travelled back to the past and in the past I had an accident in which this fellow was calling me about in the present.
So you are telling me I will have an accident?
No sir, you did have an accident.
Of course I did, at least to you I did but to me I didn't because it hasn't yet happened... How do we move forward with this. Shall I call you in my future which is your present about my past?
The phone went dead.
Dammit.
A potential lead, gone. Up the swanny as they say in Canada.
I turned back to the good lady. She stood, tears cascading down her velvet cheeks.
Darling, I heard. Your work is going to throw you through time itself? How can this be happening? How did it come to this?
I stepped over to her and cradled her in my arms like a baby deer.
I don't know lass, it all started with the Shadow I.T. and now it looks like it is ending on the 8th floor.
Will you come back? I can't lose you again!
She sobbed into my manly shoulder.
I stared bleakly over her shoulder at the rain battering down outside.
I'll be back lass. I'll be back...
The following week passed in a haze of detectivity. I met with The Clivvers twice more to hand him vital documents pertaining to the progress being made on the 8th floor.
Each time we met his eyes left greasy skid marks on my soul. I knew I was supping with the devil but that's just part of being a detective, like wet farts at Christmas.
In between Carlate rode me hard for output. I gave her all I had and a little more besides. It seemed to sate her.
In no time at all, the day of the great unveiling arrived. Meeting invites were sent and the great and the good of my organisation were invited to the 8th floor.
I wore my best for the unveiling. Fedora, long coat and off-white shirt. I hadn't travelled through time before and secreted a couple of extra spoons about my person in case of trouble.
I stood among the small crowd gathered on the 8th. Carlate strutted back and forth. Her clothing impossibly tight. As if she was an eight foot alien that had caught and slaughtered the real Carlate before jamming themselves in her skin.
Her red lips gleamed in triumph as she spoke.
As PM I am pleased to declare the delivery of Phase 1 is complete. We promised to deliver an initial cloud solution and have done so. Lights!
The lights dimmed. The room went silent.
Carlate's heels clicked like varnished testicles knocking together in a small bag as she paced before us.
I noticed movement to my right. The Clivvers lurked on the periphery of the crowd. He nodded at me. I nodded back with my head.
Neil?
Carlate barked.
Someone began to lower themselves to the floor before her then quickly rose as Neil stepped up beside Carlate, shiny laptop in hand.
Neil, please connect to the cloud instance of our TNG platform.
The Neil tapped a couple of keys on his laptop and the giant screen before us came to life. I half expected a Delorean to materialise and screech to a halt before us. It didn't.
Carlate looked at the screen on which some text was scrolling on a small black terminal window. Neil nodded at her enthusiastically as if he was humping her leg in his favourite dog outfit.
It's done. We are connected. Neil, can you ping the server please?
The Neil nodded vigorously again, obviously nearing the vinegar stroke.
Done, sub 20 milliseconds.
There was an audible gasp from the onlookers. Was this it? Had we travelled through time?
Carlate stepped forward.
Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome... Welcome to the future.
Everyone clapped enthusiastically. I was astonished. Was that it? I barely felt a thing? I turned to the person nearest me. It was Sad-Arse.
Sad-Arse, is this it? Is this the future?
He gave me a queer look, as if I had stolen one of his Chinchillas.
Yes Boomdawg, we are now in the future.
He laughed then moved off toward the exit. Everyone was drifting out now. I headed out also. As I travelled down the elevator to leave the building I gazed curiously around me. Everything looked so same'y.
I exited the building into the wan evening sunlight. I looked around.
So this is the future? It doesn't look so different from the past?
I nodded to myself and pulled up my collar against a sudden draught. Time to head home to the good lady...
I had a purple monkey and she had just the place to hide it.
Today, You reminded me of an old Indian method, for cleansing "the negative writings" in our subconscious. Your non remembrance of the accident, reminds me only as thing that happened before, but not in the present life, but previous lives and as You traveled through time You came to that moment. So, all bad things are written in our subtle body, subconscious is part of that. In order for us to clean all negative written, from all our lives, Indian Shamans do special ritual, called Sweat lodge and organize 3 day dance called Sun - Moon dance...This method is these days done...I'm very serious...
As you returned back and all was the same, I could only conclude that is really actually sub-conscious storage, the accident...?
They do so that, I have long been fascinated with the sweat lodge. I like your thinking, it is similar to mine!!!
And I couldn't say, as an author never tells ;0D
Actually, too many failures made me try do everything ( I mean reprogramming & getting rid of all garbage ), so by trying I did SL many times and SM Dance 3 times...You could not believe what is happening...like in Your story, up and down through the time, here through consciousness...The message is from all that and Your story ( part of it as I see ), whatever You do, come to the point to be satisfied by Your present...
I think we are on the same wavelength! There is lot to work through when you do those kind of things. Is it something you would do again?
LOL! An ending that isn't really an ending ... way to play it, Mike Hammer, hehehe. :)
Hehe, it never ends for that man!! :0D
Oh my, the purple monkey rearing its ugly head. Ummm rearing?? oops... I'm left wondering just how far into the future you went? Just far enough to say you've been there. If you didn't go too far then I guess in some ways the future wouldn't be that different from the past. I expected you to walk out into some apocalyptic wasteland. The purple monkey would have had no place to hide then.
It looks the same! ;0)
The clever thing about the purple monkey is that he always find a place to hide... ;0)
Leaving the rest up to our imagination, nice play me boom, nice play!
We have the means to hook up a home phone, but when I suggested we do it Howie said "Home phones are the voice equivalent of post boxes, 80% will be bill collectors, solicitors, in other words- junk mail. He had a point. We didn't hook one up :)
He had a very good point!! I haven't had a genuine call on it since we got it installed I think!!
Hehe, I do like to leave things to people :0)
This reminds me of when my daughter was small and she could stay up the first time for new years. And then after 12 when everybody was cheering she asks "But where is it? Nothing has changed" Looks like your future has the same 'problem', And then another thing that made me think ...'She squealed, her face as pale as an albino's penis.' How do you know this hahaha - ok on the other hand it would be strange if that is the only part of the body that is not white LOL
Omgz! How would I know it. I can heartily day that it is an assumption :0D
Hehe, that would have been funny. I think I had as similar experience when young!
Sometimes assumptions are better than facts hahahaaha
Your stories are really fun, and they leave the reader nailed to them, at least with me he did.. On the other hand "Pale as an albino's penis" I will add this in my diary of expressions, thanks for that! lol
Lol, thank you. I try my best to come up with some memorable phrases!! :0)
Hopefully when you die in your grave are written some of your memorable phrases lol
Lol, that sounds gloriously morbid!
I can be very morbid hahaha
@meesterboom they seriously misinterpreted that phonecall.Him and his lady all in a tiss for nothing.That was the accident claims helpline! Where there is a blame, there is a claim.Just the bog standard sales call! 😂😂😂.Have you had an accident today? Or yesterday? Or maybe tomorrow? Just follow the purple monkey!
The purple monkey knows!! That's a fact!! :0D
I bet he does.The only monkey I ever follow is the one of the PG Tips add.Your living in the present for that when your feeling a little parched!🐵🍵
I don't even know what time I am living in now :0D
Lmao too funny @meesterboom.The time of madness!! In all fairness I am actually not kinda living.You should see the state of me i look like a zombie as the lil man is teething.Havent slept in weeks.😱😱😱
Oh I know that feeling, or little man is starting to teeth. His sleep patterns have gone mental and he is drooling for Britain!!
I betcha look smashing ;0)
Aww bless ya. It is awful when their sleep pattern is ruined.As we become ruined too with the lack of sleep.As for the drool mine is doing the best beethoven impression at the moment.Slobber of the purest form!
I am not sure if you have tried it yet but give little man bikki pegs.They are fab for the new teething babies.The biscuit is attached to a string you can tie on your babas wrist.It would keep mine quiet for ages.My babys got last few teeth to go but is taking it bad.
Lol.ermmm smashing my foot!😂 i know i looked wrecked when my (normally lovely hubby) looked at me and says christ we need to get you to an exorcist! 😂😂😂
ive got a landline phone at home too, and if it rings, we got somewhat similar reactions, and it usually turns out a wrong number. Lucky you getting calls from the future .. where < 20ms pings can take place :D
Hehe <20ms, incredible latency!
We do get really spooked when the landline goes. Its never anyone good either lol!
Because of our distance, I have always been known to be almost half a day ahead of you, Boomtube. Now, with the help of the Cirrus thingymajig, you have crossed the threshold and flipped the switch. Slap my ass and call me Marty, you are now the future man between our dynamic duo, which means you are even days ahead than our spectacular sis @dreemit, making you the forerunner of our terrific trio! I never thought I would live to see the day! And, this was 8 days ago too!! I didn't know I had been living in your past this whole time, I would've thought that we were living in sync. It seems Carlate has put the final neil in the future sarcophagus... I hope your Red Tented Lady hasn't moved on and that your children still remember you...
On the bright side, you can now send me future info on the coins that would moon! But wait... if we still haven't met in your present, does that mean that the tips you sent in my future would be for naught?? Am I my own grandpa?
Haha! Gotta do it, gotta play that song again!
OH I MISSED THIS!! This was a song stuck in my head ever since I heard it! I couldn't understand it when I was a kid, but now I laugh at it every time. Way to get a song stuck in my head, sis!!
Even in the future, the purple monkey never juggles blue balls.
I can decipher this code. Meet me in the park at seven. You know the one. ;0)
You know as well as I do... I was already there.
I remember... Now!
well composed story @Mmeestrerboom, the relative between the past and the future was great. Hahahaha... how can plastic serpent be the a house phone; that is creative but scaring though. i just imagined the lady's mood when she saw it. lol... nice story sir, kudos.
Hehe Cheers, just another twist ;0)
And that was an intelligent one, honestly it really got me thinking.
Hmmm a bit anticlimactic perhaps? You viewed the future in an emphatic way, the future of data storage it would seem! Erm......best just go hide the purple monkey and maybe a new mini-boom will be the result!
Yes indeed, it all sort of went out with a whimper. Who knows what our farthing detective will do now. I wonder if he will get back to the past ok lol!
Sorry Marty and Doc didn't come for you. But you've still got Edinburgh.
Also, I'm confused about how the accident fits in. Or was that just a red herring?
It might have been a red herring, perhaps, just perhaps the story isn't yet done!!
Edinburgh gallops ever closer! Apparently they are working on the floors!
Ah! So the title was the real red herring then! That's a good one.
Well, that time travel was sort of anti-climatic. The more things change the more they remain the same! Better find that place for the purple monkey soon...
I know, who could have fancied that time travel would be so shit!
Hello @meesterboom: I congratulate you on the culmination of this first phase of the project and your triumphal entry into the portal of the future; let us hope that the implementation of this project makes them easier and faster the tasks of the day to day and the efficient integration between all the areas; if that happens, I believe that a bit of the future at work will be won; but when you leave work and get home, you realize that nothing has changed; Let's hope that the bit of future leaves you a bit of extra profit in your wallet ... Maybe they give you a prize for the Go Live of the project!
Greetings
Haha, wouldn't it be nice if I ended up with a bit of profit from it all. Just more work!
It was a relief that you were not thrown into the future and can actually go back to your family. Upvoted!
Maybe I was, maybe it's a grin future exactly like this one!!
And I was almost (ALMOST) flagging you, but here you go my upvote, clapping to you enthusiastically! (Who talks like that?)
Mike Hammer is nodding.
The Mike Hammer seal of approval is all a man needs ;0)
Wow, such a nice move
What is, dick face?
That's was a nice write up there.. Always head home to the good lady..
Aye very good. Try voting if you ever comment on a post of mine ever again you nob
I missed reading stories. Nice one @meesterboom!
Cheers man!
What a good story, hehehe intrigue from the beginning to the end, I'm interested in reading this kind of stories and all those crazy descriptions, greetings friend.
@ calitoo.
Thank you
Jinjo is really on the professional level, even when Wing and Skim failed the last bit of the routine, they knew to let it go without second thoughts, most people would try to save it but 99 out of 100 times it will get more messed up. Jinjo members are so well trained and their team work is just perfect.
I mean really... What the fuck is that? I am baffled as to how you think I won't flag this
Bahahahahaha
i am sorry