Like the sheer pillar of boom'ity I am, I have been holding the family up and running myself ragged by cooking, cleaning, changing countless chicken tikka filled nappies and running errands whilst the good lady exhausts herself by watching TV breastfeeding our little boom.
With no cigarettes, I have had to rely on caffeine and junk food as my crutch to get me through. As I have already mentioned this has given me the air of a steely eyed madman. But hey, I am starting to relish the role.
Today I was once more dispatched to the supermarket. My brief was simple - buy several baskets of some kind.
What kind?
Said the fool man.
Any kind, we need baskets to put baby stuff in!
Screeched the demonic bird as it launched itself into the air and skrawked around the fool man's head flexing its viciously curved talons.
The fool man (yes well done, me) ran for his car. Phew, that was a close call. I think the post-pregnancy hormones must be kicking in, or out, or whatever is happening that makes my good lady resemble a terror hawk.
At the supermarket, I swiftly found some funny little baskets. I was rather surprised. Hurrah. I picked up four and ran to the till. The beast must be fed and I daren't be tardy! I swiftly paid and trotted off to the car. As I dumped the baskets rather unceremoniously down one of them split open. It was made of a cheap plastic that resembled wicker.
Hmm, it was gubbed. Plain and simple. I would have to return it.
I headed into Customer Services. There was a pimply faced youth with an air of couldn't give a hoot standing with a bored look.
I just bought this but look, its all split.
He took it from me with a lazy swipe and gave it a squinty look.
We wouldn't have sold it like this.
Of course you fucking didn't, thought I.
Well I wouldn't have bought it like that would I?
I lied like a prince at a brothel.
He glared at me with the full strength of his crusty 18 years of spotty fetid masturbation.
We definitely wouldn't have sold it like this.
Ha. So the game is on little man. Let's go.
I gazed at him impassively. I knew I could use words to break this little man but sometimes you have to wheel out the big guns. Sometimes you have to use silence.
I didn't speak. I just stared impassively.
He started to sweat. I could feel his pustulent will fighting mine...
The seconds passed. Utter silence. His fingers started to twitch. It must have been near a minute this battle of wills. Time for the killing stroke.
I raised my right eyebrow up, ever so slowly until it was fully extended. A frightening thing of querying power.
He broke.
Aye alright, just swap it for another one then.
I think there might have been a mumbled fuck sake at the end of his sentence. But I allowed him this.
I winked at him and carried on past to claim my bounty.
My 1c does not say much, but the way you write makes we wish I had the same ability.
Thank you, that is a fantastic compliment!
You always find the right words to bring humor to cazyness. I love it! You are, I mean your blog is my favourite on steemit at the moment. :)
Oh you are a charmer!! Thank you!
I think I bought a terror hawk too! But she wasn’t sold like that...
You have to be careful with them ones!
hmmm ... you'd better wish he doesn't read this chico!
and neither does the good lady - you called her a ...*** hawk :P
hahaha
grab a beer or grow much cortisol!
is it the weather? warm today !! surely not the nappies :D
I could do with a beer!!
If anyone I know reads the blogs I am a dead man :0)
hahahha you'd better hide any phone or social media access to the good lady and pray this is already all buried when she gets done tending to Boom Dawg Jr :p
The joys of fatherhood, well done beating the ' returns kid' .
I was waiting for the line, I got home and thr terror hawk said they were not what she wanted, go and get the right ones, with no explanation on what is right.
Haha, that would have been quite likely! Instead she was fairly happy with my cream non descript plastic baskets!
Such a rollercoaster!
Gipping at the chicken tikka, squawking in recognition of the post pregnancy, taloned bird, snickering at the fact that you always trot into supermarkets, fuming in solidarity at the cheap ass basket, and then sitting in awe at the power of silence + eyebrow.
A magnificent piece! Bravo!
Why thank you!! In particular for noticing my fine trot! Or is only befitting of a stallion such as myself to trot wherever possible! ;0)
Haha! Yes indeed!
OHOHO! You sly devil, you ;D It seems that post-pregnancy is doing you good as well, dude! Me thinks you wouldn't have gotten easily away with it pre-Little Boom. The little guy has indeed changed everything for everyone. Yes, one might argue that it even changed the life of that guy on the losing end of the most intense Mexican standoff this side of Glasgow haha!
I was thinking Mexican standoff! I was also thinking that there was no way I was going to let a spotty arrogant teen get the better of me!!
Oh yeah for sure! Especially when the tumbleweed rolls in the background. There's no way a pimply faced teen would be a match for Boom Master Boom!
Hehe, I was going to type something but you know it has taken me so many steps to get a reply through to this today that I don't know what I was saying anymore!!
Haha! It has been a struggle, that's why I chose to retire for the night a few hours ago. The trick I've been doing was that I copy-paste my reply in a notepad, so that I could just refer copy that back when I chance upon a successful load. That was after ten or so replies faded into obscurity haha!
I have been doing that for posts but for comments I hadnt. Because of the phone thing. I sure will in future though. Even copying it so i can paste after a failed one!
It used to be that it's saved to drafts when the post fails, but lately everything just gets wiped out. Are you using an app or the website itself?
Well done and congratulations on getting it swapped.
However you seem dangerous.. first you broke the basket, then you broke the man.
However, back to baskets. Finding good quality baskets suiting your needs is something which might require hard work and dedication. Hopefully the baby items will be happy in the baskets.
The baby items are now safe in the baskets!!
Hehe, I like the way you put it :0D
I can relate to almost everything in this story, I tell you.
fuck sakereasonable requests.I don't remember if I commented on the baby post, but congratulations on the baby :)
Hehe, thank you!!
I was gutted that my little basket just broke right away!
That is a very good idea about the labelling. I shall do it!!
scottish eyebrows :D
Haha! Thems the ones!!!
Well done, @meesterboom! You have conquered the returns counter! That makes you a master shopper. If you get past the return desk with the gum chopping kid, then you are king...
I will make it my aim to become the king!!
No cigarettes, too much caffeine and junk food, the broken baskets... you have all my sympathy, @meesterboom ! I have a collection of shopping bags in cotton fabrics that I use as basket, now you can understand why I collected them :P
Lol, now I know. I will be the same soon :0D
chicken tikka filled nappies 😂 😂 Poor young man, he was silently bullied!
He was a bit. Desperate tinea call for desperate measures!!
I see :)
;0)
Upvoted & RESTEEMED :]
Woot woot! :0)
Woot woot! :0)
Glad you were able to get a replacement. Things can be so cheaply made sometimes.
They can indeed. These were a prime example
hahahaha ... nothing funny.
:0)
Hahaha didnt you just commit? The basket and the man hahhah, nice story
Never relent!! That's what I say ;0)
I am sometimes on the receiving end of this "silent" technique. I hold eye contact for as long is appropriate and then turn around and sit at my desk and start working.
On the other hand I went to return an unworn item to a shop and they told me they don't refund. This is against the consumer law, which I told them. They said they would have to clear it with head office and I would have to wait. I said, fine, I would. A bit of phoning back and forth commenced. I waited patiently. As soon as they had cleared my cash refund, I told them I would take something else.
Hehe, some people are immune. The art is knowing who will crumble. To be fair it hadn't failed yet. I think when you don't speak out often makes people desperate to break the silence!
I'm immune ;) ... but I know what you mean.
Amazing job @meesterboom Followed...