Something was terribly wrong.
The day had begun like any other day. Hopping out of bed and throwing some clothes at myself, hoping enough stuck to at least cover my testicles. Unfortunately, the Good Lady had beaten me to the kitchen and prepared some garbage that she called breakfast and served it up.
It was a blackish sort of muck with an emerald tint, spread out on a Tortilla.
It's Mexican!
She had crowed victoriously as she plopped it down in front of me and the children.
I pushed a fork at it several times in an attempt to make it look like it was being eaten.
The children, being as diplomatic as only children can be both declared it yucky and made disgusted noises at it.
The Good Lady seemed rather narked at this as if it was some kind of surprise.
At least Daddy likes it, don't you, Daddy-Bear?
She turned to me and eyed my fork which continued to prowl around my plate without seeming to ever pick up anything.
I prepared to tell the usual lie about whatever kind of faeces that it was, it tasted amazing but a fey kind of madness seized me and for some reason, I decided to tell the truth and side with the children.
No, actually. It is yucky!
I beamed at her and put my fork down.
Shall I make us all some toast?
I bounded up from the table like a man with an intact foreskin and headed off to the kitchen to make the family some big old slices of toast.
Despite having an intact foreskin, it was hard to get the breakfast cheer going and it wasn't long before we were all done with the toast and I headed up to the attic armed with my coffee to face another day plugging away at the coal-face.
note to my new followers who take many things literally and occasionally tap me up on discord to learn from me - I don't work in a mine or have sex with African ladies in my attic. It's a workplace for goodness sake. It's a metaphorical coalface.
It was shortly after that, that I noticed the terrible wrongness of the day.
I had just come off a call with some posh twits from an expensive consultancy and picked up my coffee cup.
Yaaarghle?!!?
I almost dropped the cup as if it was red-hot.
It wasn't red-hot, however. It was something far far worse.
WOMAN!!! WOMAN!!!!! HELP!!
I yelled with horrified desperation for the Good Lady to come and help save me from the horror that was unfolding in the attic.
There was no answer.
WIFE-WOMAN, THINGYMBOB... DARLING... HELP!?
Still no answer.
The day was taking an exceedingly dark turn.
Holding the Coffee Cup gingerly out at arm's length I tried not to look at it and headed downstairs to see what was wrong with the Good Lady.
Why wasn't she running to my aid when I was so obviously in distress?
I burst into the lounge and looked about frantically.
There she was, sitting in front of the TV watching some show about a skinny red-headed orphan.
She wasn't dead or injured in the slightest.
Hey Chicken-Pie. Didn't you hear me calling for help?
I stood before her trying to look manly which was difficult when I was holding my coffee cup away from me as if it were a diseased kitten.
She looked up, smiling vacantly.
No, is there something wrong, Daddy-Bear?
She asked, affecting a small yawn.
She obviously couldn't see the distress I was in. I prepared to impart the horrifying discovery I had made upstairs in the attic.
Brace yourself, lady. I don't know how it happened or what the hell is going on but I am afraid to say... My Coffee Cup is empty??!
Uneasily, I set it down on a nearby table and looked at it untrustingly as if were a SportsTalkSocial post with more than ten comments on it.
Have you drunk it all? Do you need to make more?
The Good Lady asked.
She obviously didn't get it. This was no ordinary cup of coffee?!!? This was the Magic Cup of Coffee. Ever since I had started working at home I had noticed it. It was never empty and just kept magically filling itself up.
But now it had run dry!?
Something had broken the magic. But what could it have been?
I looked closely at the Good Lady. She was acting odd too. She had flicked Netflix straight back on and was watching that annoying show again. Not even looking at me.
Didnt she get it? I felt like screaming at her...
THE MAGIC COFFEE CUP IS BROKEN?!?
But she was oblivious to my distress.
Then it dawned on me.
It wasn't just the magic Coffee Cup that was broken. The Good Lady seemed to be broken too. Someone or something was behind all of this. But who.. What?
If you are making yourself one put one on for me too will you?
The Good Lady held out her own non Magic Coffee Cup.
Slowly I walked over and took her cup and collected my own from the table. It was still empty.
I headed to the kitchen, shaking my head.
Something was draining the magic from the world.
And I wouldn't rest until I found out what.
I hope it doesn't spread!! I have noticed the magic too.....
I have magic Laundry! I throw my clothes in a magic basket in the closet and within a couple of days, it magically shows up in my dresser drawers - smelling clean and tightly folded.
I also have a magic fridge. It fills itself. Today, I might be low in milk. But tomorrow, the milk has not only replenished ... but it's expiry date has magically moved out.
If it helps, on your quest, I have noticed that the magic comes from many places - but usually it takes intricate gestures.
It's a weird sort of magic - there's more than one source:
I shudder to think what might happen if that magic fades.
As I take a sip from my magic wine glass (coincidentally, it's only been magic since CoVid), I wonder if I have added enough to the magic....
I will try these tricks to bring the magic back to the land! It has been a perplexing thing. Now that you say it I think Imight have a magic laundry basket too. I had better check to see if that is working.
We must do all we can to preserve the magic! :OD
It was those posh twits from the expensive consultancy. You finished the meeting with them, and then the magic coffee cup was empty D: They must have been draining the magic the entire meeting!
You might need some crystals to protect your computer.
Amthyst!! Thats what I need, to set up my office in one of those gigantic deode things. Apart from looking as cool as funk it will shield the magic!!
Sounds perfect XD
I can't imagine waking up not having my morning coffee. I could literally feel your pain. It must have been tragic moment when you found out your coffee cup without coffee. Make sure it never happens again, do it for me please, ok?
I will do my best but the magic is gone!! How do these things fill up without the magic!! ;0)
I enjoyed reading this story. I found it fun to read. Keep up the great content!
Why thank you! I try to keep it fun :OD
I was half expecting there to be a spider in your cup, with you holding it at arms length. Would that have been better or worse? 🤔
I would have been fine with that, maybe. Depends if that magic was working and I took a drink and its spidery leggy goodness got stuck in my throat. Yeek.
But a dry spider, yeah that would have been fine :OD
Well that's the thing, that spider could have been floating and nearly got in your throat, or it could have been drinking all your coffee... maybe that's where your coffee went! A spider drank it all, then scuttled off in shame when it realised it had broken the magic...
You realise that the truce that was previously in place between myself and the Spider World is now in peril. Am I to attack and kill every single one of the blighters I see in case they steal the magic? Yes, I think so!
My cup is still working. Keep your cursed cup away from me and my family!! Imagine a life without endless coffee.... yikes
It does not bear thinking about. Fortunately, I am here to take the burden of such ills! ;OD
It's the universe telling you you should switch to tea.
Hello Miss Foodie!! Long time no see!
Yes indeed, I do drink the green but it doesn't seem to be magic and I have to fill kettles n shit... :OD
Indeed, glad to be back!
Wish I had a magic cup... although it wouldn't do me much good if it was filled with coffee, yuck!
I have this fancy coffee maker which I only use for hot tea water and the occasional hot chocolate. Atleast the husband uses it for what it was made for. Stinking up the house with that nasty coffee smell!
Oh, for shame. The smell of bubbling coffee is a splendid thing!!
That reminds me, my magic coffee cup is working again!! :0D
That's good news indeed! Were you perhaps, accidentally nice to your wife right before that happened?
It's quite bizarre that you say that because y a strange coincidence I was!!
I took the magic! I must have because, like magic, my cup overfloweth today. I don't know where it came from or how long it will stay, but, I am enjoying the heck out of it.
Maybe it's because I ate slop today and insisted it was the best.
Some kind of blackhole continuum leading from my cup to yours.. It's possible. I must investigate further!!
Or eat the damn slop... hehe!
If you know what is good for you, you will start snorting like a pig and eat the slop. Right after you go out to the garden and gather some flowers for the Good Lady.
Or something.
Come on man! Make it right! One cannot do without the endless cup, nor will you want to.
I did make it right. I gave her a motivating slap on the bahookie and told her You're better than this, come on!!
She was so happy at the attention.
Sometimes I think I am too good for this world. I am a gift and it is hard to bear that burden... :OD
You are incorrigible, man!
Did it work?
Lol, relatively is how I would sum up the answer. I am lucky in that she knows me so well that she accepts my daftness! :OD
Wait til you start looking alike you are so in tune with each other... Wait! That sounds like a post.
Hello @meesterboom
Splendid!! I never even knew there was such a thing! Cheers!
😊 You're welcome to join the gang at Cinnamon Cup Coffee and pop by anytime. We love all things coffee, and there's also a Competition on: "My Coffee Affair".
Maybe something you'll like to write about? )
First time I read you, and I'm already hooked.🤭 I don't deny that at first I said: what is this? And then further down I relaxed... good vibes ✌🏽 ✨, looking forward to a new story.
Glad you stuck with it, my posts are often seen as madness :OD
I'll keep an eye out for the next one 😎.
Aw, thank you! I will try ot write something half worthy!
Wow! This post is like magic. It made me chuckle this morning after staying up all night. Cheers for that ☕️
You're welcome! Glad to have raised a smile :OD
Well a bit of a power play is afoot. Play carefully, Boom. You see, they are often not content till they try to break us. Be strong, my man. I for one rather death than to be a common bootlicker! :)
I to would prefer death than life under the tyranny of oppression!! By my count I must be on my fiftieth death!!!
Hi @meesterboom , Perhaps the good lady was upset by the rejection of breakfast, if you want advice buy her a bouquet of flowers because your rival is Netflix, look no further ha ha ha, I don't think you can turn off the tv, that would bother her more, and buy another cup and give another to the good lady because your rival is very strong ha ha ha, his name I repeat is Netflix :)
HAhaha, oh yes indeed. She was very narked that I insulted her food. Luckily for me she forgives easily and all was well today.. . Netflix on the other hand, now there is a tricky rival!!
You know the, "this is where the magic happens" comment?
There is no magic in my home.
Lol. There is none in mine now, I have broken it!! :0D
See below. If we work together, we will be able to decipher where the magic is made. It's elusive, but I have a feeling if we put our virtual heads together - there will be a spark ...
Then you, too, will be able to enjoy some of the magic.
I like this idea, somehow i missed the reply!!
Yes, finding the source is key. I have heard that one can never find it just by looking. A challenging mission awaits!!
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O the day the fairies do not pitch up anymore.... happened in my house also when I went on a girls weekend and all was still empty or lying around the next day. Damn fairies......
Haha, I never thought of it from that perspective!! Yes, they do go missing at those times too! :0D
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