The good lady has been missing bonding with the little lady what with the new arrival taking up a fair amount of her time. She mentioned this and I had a thought.
Hey what if I take mini boom out to the shops and you and the little lady can have a bit of time together to shake the shake?
Her face lit up.
Oh wow, would you? That would be awesome, I know she has been missing the attention a bit since the baby.
I put both my hands on my hips and cocked my pelvis manfully at her.
Pfft no worries chick-chick. This is what I do!
As soon as she turned away my bravado grin fell off my face with a clang. Oh shit? Take the baby out, just me and him minus the magical mummy boob of cry stopping? This was hardcore. Oh baws.
Shortly after I had prepared all the stuff and lifted the little boom up in the car seat. The good lady gave me a kiss on the cheek.
Thanks boom dawg. We really need this.
No worries my little potato pie. Now, you have loaded him up with the booben haven't you?
Yes Daddy bear.
She rolled her eyes slightly and waved me off.
Remarkably, the little man slept like a log all the way there. I wandered in got the required shopping and then went for a coffee. Throughout the coffee, I was on tenterhooks waiting for a crazy fit of mad wailing and forlorn calling for the boob, like a wolf in the night.
He slept on. Holy flip, I thought. I settled into the big comfy couch and prepared for some serious steeming. A while later I had finished up and he was still sleeping. This is awesome, thought I. I have practically made it. I got my stuff together and headed out of the shopping mall.
I was just at the exit when a voice called.
Boom Dawg! Hello! And who is this?
I froze, in front of the pram was a guy from work whom I knew slightly and what could be his wife.
Ah, hello. This young chap is the little boom!
Oh he's so cute, how old now?
Erm, two, no wait, three weeks!
My brain was struggling to kick into gear due to the sleep deprivation. Worryingly, I could also not remember the guys name at all. He was throwing mine into every sentence as if to show off.
This is my wife Janet, Janet meet Boom Dawg. We work together.
I smiled in a deranged way at Janet. Shit, what was this guys name? Could I just get away with calling him dude? Nah, he was in his fifties. You can't just go calling guys in their fifties dude like some kind of stoner.
Janet asked me a few questions about baby boom which my brain struggled to deal with. All the while, the fact that I couldn't remember the dude's name was twisting and turning in my head. Oh god. What if he realised I had no idea what his name was. Flip, he sat only a few seats beside me?!
No-name dude smiled his confident easy I remember peoples names no bother smile and said,
And how is... ehm...
He faltered, a stricken look on his face.
How is...em... thingmy?
Thingmy? I thought my memory was bad but THINGMY!?! He was obviously asking after the good lady.
A big red switch flicked on in my head.
Thingmy Richard? Thingmy?! Do you mean the good lady? Goodness, did you hear that Janet? Thingmy! He has met her loads of times too!
Janet and me laughed at her silly husband and his thingmy nonsense. I made sure to laugh that little longer and little more manically than anyone with any sense would. Just to make it clear I was a loon that should be avoided at the best of times and that if you couldn't avoid me perhaps you shouldn't call my wife thingmy.
We parted ways. The little boom still asleep. Ah, this looked like a fine day! An opponent bested and a baby who had slept the entire afternoon. What could possibly go wrong!
Little Boom's eyes snapped open like a fiend in a horror film.
Oh heck, it was going to be a long drive.
Okay, you're always funny, usually hilarious, but this post!! It took me a minute to breathe let alone type! No wonder you almost called me dreemyboobs, what with magic boobs and boob wolves and booben...
You are killing me today meesterboob, er boom!
Shouldn't call my wife thingmy...feck I'm dying here....
Hehe, aw thanks lass! I was worried that this one was a bit rambling! It's boob city here as you can no doubt tell!! Hahaha!
@wait.. what's your name again ? lol
you're not really friends with that guy right?
who call's someone's wifey a "thing" in the first place
I have no idea, I think he panicked. Also thingmy is kind of a Scottish vagueness word. Even then I took offense!
Have you heard anything from nonames recently @dreemit?
So sadly, I have not. Two weeks after he left he said another week, then nothing. His cousin was on here and I asked him to let me know if he was okay, but he disappeared too.
Miss him. I just hope he's okay.
I miss him too...I really wish that he would come back....but we will never know will we?
"...and what could be his wife" lol. not sure why, but this cracked me up.
And forgetting someone's name...so painful...gets worse with each kid. (but then...thingmy? lol)
Hey, call me crazy,but I've been meaning to tell you that your humor (and dare I say good looks) remind me of Jordan Klepper. His show is on Comedy Central called The Opposition- a spin-off of The Daily Show. Here's a recent clip (30 second commercial first - sorry)
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/9u1okc/the-opposition-with-jordan-klepper-radicalized-infants-are-everywhere (and then next clip following that too)
ALso, tell me if I'm off my rocker ;-)
Aiyee, the video is not available in the UK! I am intrigued though so I googled him. What a dashing fellow. We could be brothers from another mother or whatever the kids are saying these days, ;0)
Thanks for another hilarious story. It was so much fun to read. Today I went to my grandson's birthday. Sam is one year old. And when I read your stories I relive the past of my own children but also the stories of my eldest son and my daughter. Only my youngest has no children of his own (until now). But maybe in the near future. When I read @exyle's stories about Sam, I think it will be rather soon (who knows!)
It's funny you say that. When I read about his looking after Sam I think, aye aye, someone is getting quite fond of that. It won't be long! :0)
Thank you for they lovely comment!
I see the way @exyle is with Sam and I think you will have a new grandchild sooner than you think...
I play whatshisname for more than 80% of my encounters, so I'm quite used to the other side of this story. There is some power I get whenever I realize that the person I'm talking to doesn't have the slightest clue what my name is. I admit, I do repeat their names over and over to rub it in hahahaha! But, never have I ever called someone Thingmy haha! That's like.. one of the worst things you could use to refer to someone. If he wanted to ask how your wife was doing, he should've just asked how your wife was. The dude overplayed his hand haha!
I'm glad that The Mountain allowed the whole exchange to happen before he went off. I had a tiring day, so reading this is a great way to cap it off haha! Waaah... waaaaahahaha!
I sometimes do the same to. That's why I knew when the started to use my name that he thought he had taken off his top and entered the arena with another playa!
I call think of million alternatives to thingmy for someone's wife. Well, maybe a few. He definitely got too confident!
Frankly, I think "that bitty you put your schlong in" or "the old hag you bed" would be better alternatives than THINGMY when referring to someone's wife if "your wife/your good lady/the mother of your children/your better half" aren't options haha at least with others you can get away with injecting some sort of humor to mask the gaping hole in your dark soul. But thingmy? Man, there is a special place in hell for people who use that, I think.
I agree, a very special place! Perhaps that circle of hell in which they test zappl. Lol! If I were him I would have just stuttered and said wife. That's what happens when you panic!
Oh perhaps, perhaps! I heard that's how Donald Trump submitted his nomination and eventually won. He was just going to say "moist" but then he ended up submitting his nomination.
Hahaha! Oh yes indeed! I am doing an animation with the Trumpster in it today. We are so on the same wavelength! It's a little clumsier than normal but it is actually intentional!
AHAHAHAHA!! Seriously!? That's so awesome! I never talk about that guy, but for some reason I felt the need to bring him up. Surf's up! We about to ride the hell out of this swell!
Killed myself laughing!!!
Hehe, smashing!
Well, ok, all this post is really super, but the end with "Little Boom's eyes snapped open like a fiend in a horror film" threw me off! I'm still laughing imagining the scene :D
Hehe, you should have seen them!! I got a fright!
Whatsizface and Whatzerface will do well to avoid you if possible in the future! My daughter and I saw the neighbor's youngest boy playing in the grass the other day, and neither of us could remember the little guy's name. I'm sure it will come to one of us soon, but it was awkward.
Hehe, they would have done fine. It is bizarre how awkward it can get. I was cringing because I had blanked on his name but I didn't start calling him spunkybob!! Lol!
Maybe just call him 'Frank', and then insist that that is his name from now on.
Frank it is. Or Bert, he would be a good Bert!
ROFL...this is hilarious. Richard thingmy? oh, my. And you're the one who is sleep deprived...you must be suffering from what my hubby used to call baby boob brain syndrome Last a few months when you have a wee one...
I think I might be, lord knows how I will cope when back at work!!
Brilliant as always. The intestinal fortitude required for accompanying a slumbering infant on an outing, solo at that! Incomprehensible. I thought such bravery only dwelled in war heroes. Also having a tiny human in the home, I sometimes simply ask the names of those around me, explaining that I can scarcely recall my own. Sleep really does wonders for general recollection. Perhaps, I'll fondly embrace the ability again someday. Always a great read!
Cheers!
Yes, I have found my ability to recollect things and do simple calculations in my head greatly increased by even one Nights unbroken sleep!
I'm still sitting here trying to figure out the thingmy thing. Sitting in this chair writing way too long and getting rummy doesn't even help. And good luck thinking hard when you can't remember anyone else's name. The harder you try, the worse it gets. At least until about 3:11 AM the next morning. Sit bolt upright and shout "Jeeves, by Jove". No wonder the otherhalf think we're bonkers. Thanks for more ribald entertainment here. Keep on keepin on, and hope you get some sleep. (All I've ever had is kittens...so can only commiserate from afar, if that's even a real use of the word...)
I remember when we got our two kittens. It was like a dry run for it all lol.
I am sure the sleep will come... Eventually :0)
I'm sure even a baying beagle couldn't prepare you for that reality. Think I'm stuck with kittens for the long run though. I can only imagine. One good thought though...I'm pretty sure napping in the broom closet at work is allowed when you go back. Just take a clipboard and pencil and harummpph a lot when discovered.
Babies are so selfish - they will scream their head's off when mommy is taking them to the shop but with daddy they will sleep. I love how I can just picture the story in my head when you write - again you made me laugh - your posts are my treat every day. Thingmy must surely laugh a lot :)
Thingmy does laugh quite a bit :0) Cheers for reading! I did actually think it was a shame that it does happen like that. If the good lady had taken him out he would have cried all through it!
When we meet someone in the street and my husband start walking away with him, I normally know he has know Idea who he is talking to. After 47 years you just know what is happening in his head lol. So really felt sorry for you.
Hehe, yeah. You do kinda get that sixth sense about what is going on when you partner is involved!
Really Good I Like Your Posts <3
Aw, thanks very much!
this is my pleasure
Smashing :0)
Hahah, the boob wolf..... Aka the milk dog!
Lol, at the milk dog. Should have called it that!
how can someone not remember your name, Funnyhair Jock?!! ;)
Lol exactly. It's as easy as that!
ahhhhh, I knew something had been missing from my life.... and now I know it was the daily giggle from reading your posts hehe! :)
Honestly, calling your wife thingmy is inexcusable behaviour. He couldn't even come up with something a little more endearing...?!
He's lucky all he got was some maniacal laughter if you ask me!
And wait... what.... 3 weeks already? Jeeeezzzussss, time flies though but!
Oh man, my eyes today are really doing nutty things! First me-boom calls me dreemybobs on his beer post and I read it as dreemyboobs, now i just read time flies through butts!
HAHA!!! Oh goodness me, I kinda wish that's what I actually wrote now!
Soda very nearly came through my nose just now!
Noooo! Nothing worse than a fizzy nose!!
I know, three weeks gone and that means I go back to work in a week.
Waaah waaaaaaah!!!! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!
I can't take the idea of going back to serious mcserious chap.
Buy yes, thingmy. Outrageous!
Gah! That means you have only 1 week left to come up with your dastardly plan to finance your life without having to return there. Get that thinking cap on!!
It's been on for three weeks. All I can think is... Crime!! That will work. Just one last job...
Haha! Oh yes, the heist to end all heists.... the one where not only do you get rich, but all the baddies get their comeuppance... I'm liking the sound of this!
I am liking the sound of it more and more!
Now where did I put those plans?...
From where do you get these ideas to write such hilarious posts.
Real life baby!! If it happens I write about it and if nothing happens I make something mundane that has happened funny :0D
Yes buddy that is why people love to read you. I always love to read real life stories from you and @exyle. BTW have you seen my last photography posts, I have got a new DSLR and making some beautiful pictures.
I have, I was just looking! And thank you!
The joys of parenting, lack of sleep and impending doom if the boob wolf wakes.
Your coworker should have refered to ' the boss' when he went erm..thingmy, far more chance of getting away with it.
Soon you will progress to taking both kids out , alone no boobs, no mum to comfort one of the kids if they start wailing.
More terror, just around the corner.
Oh no. I can imagine it right now. I was just getting into the swing of taking one out. The idea of both with one of them freaking out gives me that nervy tummy feeling.
I know what you are going through.
Next time you are in the hardware ( hand tools shop) get some foam ear plugs to carry in your pocket, they cut a bit of the noise, especially when both sound off together.
Just wait, suddenly there is three, then you have the problem of, you can't have one each, someone, you, has two, while the boss has the little one. ( boob time)
Haha, there is categorically not going to be a third! The ear plugs is a smashng idea!
Have you changed your job? are you now a monk? remember one in every packet is an aspro, that's for the headache that is to follow.
Haha, no. Monk'ing but this tide of babies must be stopped!
what is the average number of kids in your country? here it is 2.75 per couple, the .75 may be a bit messy so go for three.
it gets easier as you more used to it.
nice post and upvote my post
Sure
yes
Done!
nice
I am, like a big cuddly bear with a penis!
not a thingmy lol
I know! Of all of the things lol!
waaaaaah....................... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,nice
:0)
Ummm. Where did you go to school?
What a peculiar question. Why do you ask?
Hi
I just upvoted u.please upvote me.
Dildo?
DILDO?
I can't breathe, I seriously can'ttttttt
Hehe, I am glad someone saw this reply!! :0D
That repeating t was literally from me shaking. Not even kidding. Anndd here I go again.
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STOPThis is nice. I really like your post. Thanks for sharing
No worries
Cheers