Hi, I'm here to pick up my son's bag. I called earlier.
I smiled at the receptionist of the Nursery. Which is like kindergarten but in English.
The lady manning the reception desk tipped her large glasses down with a finger and sternly peered at me with a questioning eye.
And who, precisely, is your 'son?'
She barked, the words seeming to snort from her rather flared nostrils.
I smiled my most winning smile. Her face was all angles and sharp lines with a smear of red lipstick like a naked cat that had been run over. I took a fancy to her immediately.
I leaned on the little windowsill and smiled handsomely.
The Little Boom? He is five. Comes in Tue-Fri?
Miss Deadcatface frowned and tapped something on a computer to the side.
Said computer appeared to give her an answer she didn't like and she turned to me with a haughty sniff.
And who, precisely, might 'you' be?
The corner of her lip twitched a little as if she had just beaten me at strip poker and in the final reveal found my Peeping Jeebus to be wanting.
Well, if he is my son then I would be his Dad.
Despite her attitude I tried to remain breezy and light as regardless of what they said, kicking a table over and shouting HULK SMASH was most definitely not the most efficient way of getting what you want in these situations.
Miss Deadcatface froze in place for several seconds before visibly relaxing and smiling even further than she had dared twitch before.
And who would be 'his dad...?'
Her smile grew to the point that I started to worry her head was going to fall open like a counterfeit Gucci bag bought in an Italian market.
Eh, me. Obviously.
On the other hand, my grin was withering under the aggressive deadpan onslaught of Miss Deadcatface. Lord knows how effective my penis would be as a sundial if we were ever stranded in a desert together and needed to know the time.
Miss Deadcatface practically purred with pleasure. She magicked a pen from somewhere and gave the end a little chew before smirking smugly and leaning closer to the hole in the perspex that all public servants hide behind these days.
And your 'name' is...?
She chuckled happily, the results of the unspoken game we had commenced leaning in her favour.
Ah. My name, that's what you mean.
Now it made sense. Swiftly I told her my name and waited expectantly.
She bade me wait a moment and clip-clopped away on some rather splendid heels. My persistent worries over desert sundialing abated somewhat.
She returned very quickly, smiling and holding out a grey backpack decorated with pictures of diggers on it.
That's the one! Oh, thank you very much. He was bereft without it.
I reached up to the perspex porthole for her to pass the bag over.
Miss Deadcatface frowned at me.
What's in it?
She snarked, tapping her fingers impatiently on the top of the bag.
I beg your pardon?
I clenched my fists and started to mentally reassess the benefits of HULK SMASHING the place up.
Just so we can be sure that it is definitely your bag, or at least, your 'son's' bag...
Her smile as she said this was as sweet as the rotting stench of a four-day-old corpse.
I took a big deep breath and let my own biggest and best smile stretch out all over my face.
What is in it? Well, among other things there is a big fat toy shit that makes farting noises when you squeeze it.
Wh.. um? What?
Now it was my turn to lean close and leer like a crocodile on crystal meth.
Miss Deadcatface opened the bag's zip a little before slamming it shut and pushing it through the perspex porthole.
Ok, take it. Thank you.
She barked, thrusting the bag at me.
What, don't you want to squeeze it?
I giggled like a supervillain as I took the bag and pulled the toy shit out of it.
No, I do not think so.
Miss Deadcatface regained her snark.
I chortled, held the toy shit up to the porthole and squeezed.
PAAARRRP.
Magic. Toy shits are the best.
The best part is in the first few sentences....
I smiled at the receptionist of the Nursery. Which is like kindergarten but in English.
Both still makes me think about babies sitting between flowers 🌹🌷🌻. I'll never understand it 😂. In my language it's a "kleuterskool" that translates directly to a toddler school... And see that makes sense!! No garden involved 🤣
Haha, thats a cool name. Much better. I still cant say kindergarten seriously as it reminds me of those kinder eggs that you get. But agreed that both of them sound like something with plants and flowers!
😆
And now the neighbors think I'm nuts too.
Cackling out loud at 3pm on a work day all the way.
Toy shits are, indeed, the best!
So are crocodiles on meth.
Like a naked cat that been run over? 'Course you took a shine immediately! Who wouldn't?
😆 👈 again
Maybe her computer won't say no so quickly again, huh?
The only point in neighbours is htat they can think you are nuts. Who wants those weird ones that think they are your friend :OD
Her computer was definitely saying no! She did not like that one bit! Maybe she just hates technology and was flailing about in reaction to it saying something she didn't like! !LOL
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It was a power play and she wouldn't have you at long red talons and pointy heels. Go on!
My neighbour thinks I'm marvelous as it turns out. She wants to take me to the shops all the time...
Although that may be 'cause all my clothes have holes in them almost entirely.
I am, however, after meeting the character(s) living down the road(s), going to grow my hair down to my bum and start wearing long witchy skirts and carry a stick.
I think I may have found more of my people. And I'm completely under-dressed!
!PIMP
I'm just going to leave this here
The future!! :OD
Miss Deadcatface? Hilarious name, I wasn't expecting any good thing from one bearing such a name😄
Me neither. She was a poisonous stick of a woman. Lol!
I know I already said it but I really love reading your adventures, I died laughing heh heh!
Moreover, I imagine you with that toy as a weapon ready to shoot shit everywhere it's really true... toy shits are the best!
Thank you again! I have decided I need a toy shit of my very own to deal with life's iniquities! :OD
I think I'll take one too to always keep with me... with that I'll be invincible!💪
They will fear the tread of our feet!! :0)
Yup!!! And then the shit will be theirs to carry out the shit as we pass... up they'll cache below! I also write it in Italian which renders it well... si cacheranno sotto!
Ha, I like that. The Good Lady speaks some Italian. I shall attempt to impress her 😀😀
Yeah but maybe don't tell her we're shitting ourselves heheh
Try better with a "Si duci comu nu babá " which is a southern Italian dialect and means "you're sweet like a babá"... you know babás right?
It was very annoying getting the third degree, but, I cannot tell you how many dads and moms pick up a child that they no longer have custody or access to. It has become a wild world out there.
People lose their kids to another parent all the time. Still, Miss Deadcatface gives me the heebie jeebies. Toy poop! Ha! Fart or poop. Big boys never grow up. Thank God!
I know you don't mind being grilled, but, it annoys me when they wear their authority like that.
I dont mind a mild grilling but damn, over a bag I do mind when they get power mad.
I could totally understand if I was trying to pick the little guy up and had no right to. I can imagine them having to be dragon-esque in that regard. Maybe it is just bleeding over from that!
GilstrapTV, Jack Vale and HumorBagel often do fart pranks in public. I watch mostly GilstrapTV. His comments are making the pranks much more funny. For example "I am Fartacus", "Fartality", "Farty party", "Vingardium Fartiosa", "Turdy tornado", "360 noscope", "This was louder than expected", "I buttered my biscuit", "frozen cupcake coming through", "welcome to the barbecue", etc. His acting is also funny. He often acts as if the "farting" would have been an accident.
I am laughing at the I am Fartacus one, that especially sounds quite funny!
Lord sure knows
and, unlike Mrs Deadcatface, he appreciates a good shit and fart joke when he hears one ;^)
Haha, I know. I am always baffled by those that get through life without appreciating a good bit of toilet humour! Howdy dude!
Haha! Same here :^)
May they never know that joy! :OD
muhahaha!
She sounds like a right weapon, well done on not unleashing the Hulk Smash on the furniture!
She was a proper pie! I dread the next time I have to get something past her. She will probably call in an airstrike!
Some people really enjoy that little bit of power they have. But then you want someone who checks things when it concerns your offspring. Every kid needs a plastic turd.
There are a lot of power troopers out there but I suppose in this case it is warranted. Still got the poo squeeze though! :0)
On the plus side, it's good to know that someone like Miss Deadcatface is keeping little Boom safe!!!....
I can't imagine what I would have answered if I was asked "What's in the bag?" when I was picking up my Grade 12'er from school as he was about to get a 3 day suspension...
I imagine an auctioneer at that moment. "Can I get 4? ... 5 for the man with the bag?"
Ha, you know, I never thought of it from that perspective! They sure would have a job getting past her on anything! She was like a cage fighter of receptionists!
If he hadn't been so proud of the noisy poo I would never have known either!
Drugs, weapons and pornography obviously...
It might not have worked at the border or at the station (or rather it might have worked backwards), but with this lady... I'd look at her face! 😜😅
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Hahaha, I will have to remember to take the toy turd to the next holiday I go on asked if they stop me at customs I can just squeeze the poo at them!! :0D
😅😅😅😅
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What a fun and captivating episode, full of impatience to the reader motivated to the character of the characters. It's all a comedy script full of sarcasm and flashpoints. I had never read such a witty and creative text with really uncomfortable situations in the context of a deep and crazy dialogue. I loved the creation of these characters, it has been very descriptive in terms of human qualities close to the real thing. Well done @meesterboom, this is a great literary achievement well planted in the genre of modern humour, comedy and wacky oratory. I congratulate you, it makes my day. I have enjoyed reading.
Thank you very much my friend! I do like to describe a bit of dialogue in a way that entertains and dresses a person in!
Cheers!
It is right! I totally agree, the dialogue is the humanization of writing and arouses interest in the reader who hopes to be absorbed by reading from the first line and with a good reference from the writer behind them. Regards @meesterboom
Lol Poop jokes never get old.
It's probably super annoying getting interrogated when picking up one's child but it's better than the alternative where they just give your kid away to anyone who asks. I listened to at least two podcast where that happened with dire consequences before places began to put procedures in place.
They have tightened up a lot on everything. Once I dropped a sandwich off that we had forgotten to put in his bag and got an even worse third degree!
I do love a poop joke and thankfully the kids are obsessed with the things and there seems to be an ever-increasing market full of poop stuff. His other main one is a farting Ninja, it has a motion sensor that when you go past makes a loud wet farting noise. Lol!
Yep. poop and farting toys are huge when you're a kid lol. I remember having many such toys haha
Me too, I am envious of the kids now as the range is even bigger!
And now they have an even wider range of em! lol!
Well naturally, there are a lot of different types of facts and poops. 😆
Hehe, an endless number!
Hehe, an endless number!
Hahaha oh what joy! I fucking wish I had a toy shit to squeeze at people that I want to Hulk Smash but can't because, you know...society says so. My delight at reading this should be known. You've totally made my night to just imagine it 🤣
I am thinking I need to keep the toy shit or get one of my own to squeeze at folk that annoy me. So much better than words!! :0F
I agree! I want one too.
Need to source a batch from China and make ourselves rich!!!
The twitching lip part reminds me of the man ladying the front desk at the gym.
We have men that lady that desk too. They never get it right :0F
Dude, your stories make me laugh the most in Hive lately. I love reading them. I was waiting for Mrs. Dead Cat Face to meet the Hulk. I wish she'd tear the place down. Who else would come to get a kid's bag but his father?
Hehe, cheers mate.
I was so close to going full on hulk! I was wondering myself who on earth she thought might come to collect a kids bag!!
She wouldn't be one of the three things to take with me if I was ever stranded in a desert together 😁
She would probably be good at guarding the camp or killing predators in the sea! :OD
Haha, indeed😁
Be like having a personal direwolf!!
The last of a dying breed :)
Hopefully! Hehe!
Lol I feel like she was about to ask for a DNA test! Best choice of toy little boom had there!
I would have squished it against the plastic screen in line with her face for effect lol..man I am an angry bastard!
These nursery teachers hey, we also say nursery here because we speak English, duh. I got screamed at for dropping the kid off late, because the syllabus moves fast in the new class. 4 year olds must have a hectic workload!
!PIZZA
Hehe, I thought it was all kindergarten'ish type talk elsewhere! I thought nursery was a brit thing.
They are a bunch of hard bastards. I mean they seem really nice with the kids but woe betide you be late or do something that gets their back up. Or try to pick u your own belongings!
Lol we were colonised for a bit by the English. But the Dutch stayed around for longer. Everyone has a turn to plunder and pillage. I believe it's China's turn now. So we nursery and pre school here.
Not all the schools are this savage though. My kids previous school was super chill. Great school. Amazing teaches. I Even used to read the kids stories after-school lol. Had a fan club and all! But if I had to manage a bunch of brats I think I too would be in a mood...just imagine!
That does sound like a cool laid back one that last school. The nursery used to be a bit like that before COVID. Then, God knows why, it all changed. Even now when COVID is all over!
Thankfully the school he is going to this year is super chill!!
Laughs, I suppose she didn't like the PAAARRRP much eyy😂🤔
Great as always, keep em coming 😎
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It would be fair to say, I got the stink eye! :OD
Applause for the Mrs. Deadcatface of the school Mr. @meesterboom really she is an excellent custodian of the children's belongings and the best super vigilant of delivering the backpack to who should be the child's guardian. I wish they were like that in all schools there would not be so many rude or dangerous things happening as it usually happens, children in schools without supervision and zero communication with their parents and representatives.
Ha!! I did miss the fact that has been pointed out here that it is a good thing in a way that she was so gatekeepery about it all. I think I need to learn a little patience!!
And the best thing is that you as your dad are vigilant that they take the children to school, which is very important for the well-being and safety of your children...standing applause for you👏👏👏
Sometimes it could be said that he and the missus are too vigilant!
Good point of view, sometimes it is better to be well attentive in schools, very bad things happen due to lack of good supervision "without falling into excesses", Everything is for the well-being of the school community, parents, and representatives Mr.@meesterboom
It is indeed!! If we work at it enough we will get it right!
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OMG love this! Thanks for making me chuckle lol
No worries! Thank you!
No worries! Thank you!
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Very interesting story, I enjoy reading through. Thanks for sharing this
Than you for reading!
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Hello @meesterboom what happened why you down voting my all post .... What's going wrong any mistake???
Hi.
I saw that you had almost zero interaction with the community, you have made one comment. It seems you are just dropping your stuff here and taking the DTube autovote. Farming essentially. I adjusted the rewards on your posts because of that
Actually this is the thing I am with this community for four long years for which I actually get autovotes yes I agree that actually I used to post many types of posts but nowadays I don't have much time so I share gaming posts gaming videos now There might be some issues with this but one thing you can notice is that even in my gaming videos I use my own voice a lot of the time.
Now let's know what I should do and at what stage I need to know what I can do now
It's by no means a judgement on the videos themselves. More that you don't communicate or participate in HIVE beyond dropping these videos on through DTube. You joined in May last year and have made one comment in November. Its not really enough to justify getting rewards from the community. Hive isn't a UBI scheme
Hello sir please stop downvote