I am one.
I am both.
In between is something that I must exist as.
It is interesting.
I am reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida ...
it talks about how most people in life have a polarization towards femininity or masculinity ...
your actual sex is not key, it's your sexual energy that is being expressed.
I find myself in a strange position.
I feel at times quite feminine, expressing myself subtle and wanting to be held and loved.
There are other times when I am quite masculine, domineering and wanting to exert myself.
I feel a desire to be more masculine at times, not wholly allowing myself to be as I am and instead wishing that I fit into a "category" of who I think I should be...
what does it mean to be a man?
what does it mean to be human?
My sexuality is something that I have been doing my best to explore and to understand ...
I have a fear of not being man enough, not being masculine enough.
I think that's ok!
I feel ok with that thought.
I know that I am complex. I don't know what I am nor do I know how to define myself.
I am definitely bisexual ... and I think I lean towards submissive and feminine.
I know ... I should explore this perspective more!
I should give myself open minded, free, safe and intentional space to explore how I feel and who I am ...
To live, to be, to express myself. These are all skills that are developed. To need things to be a certain way would never allow me to be the person that I am ...
This conversation of sexuality is making me question so many things ...
often I feel a need to "conquer" my life ... to go out and create in such a way ...
maybe i don't ...
what will happen if I don't ??
what would happen if I let life take me, rather than taking life into my own hands??
Hmmmm...
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This is an intriguing topic for me because I too have lived most of my adult life being more aware of my over-balance of feminine energy. But what has ended up happening for me is that I have worked hard at creating an internal balance of my masculine and feminine energies, and as a result, I've become more asexual than anything. I feel very content being a sole creature that does not suffer exceedingly from a need of sexual partnership.
I like reading your thoughts. You are helping me think out loud about things I might not otherwise vocalize.