Do you like bananas?
I love bananas.
And now, I'll teach you how to love bananas!
Some people on this planet are sick of the same old shit day after day; I'm one of them.
I'm bored of crackers. It's been like that for a long time now. I've been yearning for something more exotic for many months and I think I finally found a way to please my innermost desirable beast.
I tried different things with watermelon.
I tried to be creative with pears.
I see some of these pictures on the internet of what people do with their fruits and snacks and wonder; why can't I do that?
They make it look so easy. I follow the directions, check with other sources and gather second, sometimes third opinions. I mix ideas together, but nothing I do ever feels right. Something is missing.
Enter, The Banana
Best thing that ever happened to me!
Most people think there's only one way to enjoy their banana.
The traditional approach of pulling back the peel and of course inserting the fruit into the mouth is good for some, I guess. That method doesn't really get me excited though. I know a better way.
Sometimes great ideas simply fall into the mind from above after things go wrong. Quick thinking. Ingenuity. Improvisation. That's how all good ideas get their start.
So I was down to my last banana after experimenting all day. My last chance.
Then
tragedy struck.
I tried to rip open the peel but this banana wrapper was defective. The tip bent then became soggy and flexible. The more I pulled, the worse it got. There was no way inside this banana, I thought, until I noticed a knife sitting on the counter.
That knife changed my life, forever.
The best way to prepare a banana:
- Cut one of the ends off with a knife.
- With a spoon, hollow out the inside, keep the peel intact.
- Place the scoops of fruit into a bowl, save for later.
Now you're ready to fuck your banana. Gently insert your penis into the hollowed out banana and slide it back and forth until climax.
Cleanup is a breeze and good for the environment at the same time.
Conclusion
Gotcha!
Have a nice day. 
Disclaimer: I am not a fucking banana expert. This is not fucking banana advice. Fuck bananas at your own risk.
For me it's better to leave the banana in, just sayin'...not that I've had that much experience you understand.
Also, for you larger guys, you might try plantain...not that I've had that much experience with those either.
This is good advice. Not like I'm going try it or anything. Just saying, if I put myself in those shoes, it would sound reasonable because it makes sense, I think. That's good information to have here. Thanks and I hope it helps people someday, because this is important, and helpful, probably.
I foresee a run on bananas today in the stores.
And many men calling work to tell them they can't make it in today.
I'm feeling a little under the weather myself
Stealing my ideas, I see. Although I suppose it's not entirely your fault - one can't truly look at a banana without getting some form of perverted idea.
And I don't really mind, 'cause I think you did it slightly better.
Really. I'm not in the least bit upset, or jealous, or annoyed, or...
Has anyone seen my chainsaw?
Also: What, exactly, have you been up to with watermelons? I'm getting kinda scared here.
I'm not 100% sure but I think there's an episode of Dr Phil that includes a woman angry with her ex husband because she caught him fucking the bananas. I know I've heard of a dude fucking bananas but I think I saw it on a "try not to laugh" youtube video where they continuously show five second clips of absurd things. I didn't even see your banana post.
I don't want to talk about the watermelon incident...
Oh please. Sure, you didn't.
And how bad can the whole watermelon thing have been? Surely not worse than the chainsaw incident. Or the pennies one. Or various other embarrassing stories you've made up about yourself.
And don't worry. It can't be worse than what I once caught a guy doing with a dragonfruit.
"I am not a fucking banana expert. This is not fucking banana advice. Fuck bananas at your own risk."
But do you at least have enough experience to tell us if you consider it worth the risk?
I've personally put a lot of money into this. That friendly cashier at the store already says, "Oh look who it is! Hello again Mr Bananas. Find everything you're looking for?" What you do with your money is up to you though. It's not my fault if you have to tell the guy at the bank you fuck bananas and can't afford to pay for the house. I suppose for an added layer of protection, one could combine this approach with Durex. Really, the sky's the limit but if you can't fly, don't jump.
Hi @nonameslefttouse, is there anything smaller than a banana I can do this with as I found it was too big and it was like inserting my penis in to my wife. thank you in advance
hehe
Maybe try a kumquat. I'm sure that name is trying to tell us something. If it starts to burn though, have some butter handy and rub that in real good. Maybe ask your wife for help. By the sounds of it, she might know a thing or two about cucumbers.
I think she knows more about sacks of potatoes because that is what it is like giving her one hehe. :D
All I had was an avocado, and it was fairly unsatisfying to be honest.
You'll get used to it. Don't give up.
Ohhhh, this is what it means to go bananas, makes so much sense now!! 'Course this is a horribly sexist post which means that is a sexist saying. For shame.
A friend sent me a video which will explain why my mind went there LOL!
Once you go bananas, you never go back.
Oh my goodness. Did you just fuck a banana @nonameslefttouse. Now ill have to think of your penis going back and forth in it anytime i wanna eat one.
Yup. I changed bananas forever. They'll never be the same.
You sure did. Dammit. I'll stick with plantain.
I know many people turn to God on Sundays, but this sounds like way more fun!🍌
I'm pretty sure this is why god made bananas. We've just been doing it wrong.
Oh man... who's gonna tell the Pope?
Banana Program Week 8 Winner!
What the hell is the banana program anyway?
I hoped you knew, so I wouldn't have to be the one to tell you.
https://steemit.com/partiko/@stellabelle/banana-program-new-steem-project-designed-for-bored-humans
Read at your own risk. No insult was intended. No banana was raped in the making of this comment.
That's clever; nobody suspects the guy buying bananas. They're high in potassium, after all! Plus, a banana will never get tired, or have a headache, or be "not in the mood right now," or ask you why you're spending so much time in front of the computer, or run off with a co-worker 10 years her junior, or demand a divorce...
I think you're really onto something here. F*ck Bananas, indeed.
One could probably fuck a banana every single day for less than thirty dollars per month. This idea will give Tinder a run for it's money so they better start looking into finding more fruits.
I haven't thought of that particular use for a banana but am completely unsurprised that someone did. And now that thought is going to stay with me probably for the rest of today and I'll need to sleep to be able to archive it XD
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You will never look at a banana the same way again.
I had no Idea that was the proper technique for fucking a banana, I have been giving out bad information to a lot of people who frequently come to me with questions about this subject.
Side note, thank you for the upvotes you have given my posts in the past few weeks. It helps a small blog like mine out immensely and I sure do appreciate it.
I'm sure there's more than one way to fuck a banana.
About the votes, if I could help more, I would. I think I've dropped 319 on 135 accounts this past week. 5-10% on comments and usually 50% power on posts. The well is drying up.
I'm not sure if he's still involved in video game stuff but have you met @enjar? Enjar might know some folks interested in your stuff. Have you heard of Vimm? Do you use Dtube? These places usually make it easier for video content producers to find curation as well. I'm only one of something like 1500 Dolphins on this entire platform. I can only do so much.
Sadly Vimm last time I check does not allow videos to be saved. So once the live stream is over they are done. I don't really know that site he is uploading videos to.
If it was YouTube or Dtube (and not getting upvotes from them) then he fit right into my community if he is talking/banter/uses his username and bring up platform(s) he is using in the video.
Video content can be a bit tricky a lot of it is sadly lacking detail needed to determine if the person who uploaded it is the owner.
Dtube would be the way to go here. Unless you are into live streaming then Vimm but they don't let you save videos so there not much help for people creating that kind of content yet. Otherwise if you are also using YouTube those links would go better on Steemit.
Best to include your username/platform(s) in the video themselves if you are not already. I don't know much about that site you are uploading to so I did not check it out.
I'm using BitChute, which I actually do have a direct link to my profile in the posts and my username is the same on both platforms. I quite like BitChute it's basically a crowdfunded version of youtube, it doesn't have near the audience of YT but all my videos have been consistently growing on that platform which is why I'm supporting it.
Dtube has some nice upvotes if they like your content. Might be worth checking out and trying.
Many upload to a few different planforms before they work out truly where they want create exclusive content on.
Dtube is not the way to go here, BitChute is and youtube is cancer, why would you recommend cancer to someone? I'm well aware of dtube, it's barely functional for getting videos to play not to mention your videos can't grow beyond one week after being posted which make it not an option for my posts since I do full playthoughs and reviews and I build stuff and I do reaction videos.
I want people to be able to watch them well after 7 days of being posted. You were simply asked to check out the video of another steemian and leave feedback and instead you come back saying you didn't look at it because I don't use the website you want and you want a say in how I format my posts which is pretty ridiculous.
The steem platform will never grow with that way of thinking.
Then go back to BitChute lol.
Really? that's your response? Even though he snubbed me I actually followed his blog and supported several of @enjar posts in the past few weeks.
None of that support was returned in any way but I didn't expect it to be. I was just trying to prove a point of how useless several of these "communities" on steemit are. They offer no real genuine support, @enjar just muted me for that last comment.
@nonameslefttouse what do you think of that?
I have to use extra large bananas......
Same here! It's actually really difficult to find my size. I have to put a special order in for those ones because most stores don't carry them. Too heavy.
Lady fingers?
Whoa! NSFW man!
I will never look at a banana in the same way again! Lol
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LoL! I either ruined or improved bananas for everyone today. OOPS
Lol i have a feeling its mostly the former!!
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I thought bananas were for fucking 🤔
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They're not only for fruit salad anymore.
It depends, what if your lady is first name: fruit and last name: Salad 🤔??
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That means she has some screwed up parents and you should probably get out of there.
Can I insert the penis even if the banana starts to spoil?
If you like it dirty and nasty, go for it.
That's what people get for thinking I'm a fruit.