I'm not 100% sure but I think there's an episode of Dr Phil that includes a woman angry with her ex husband because she caught him fucking the bananas. I know I've heard of a dude fucking bananas but I think I saw it on a "try not to laugh" youtube video where they continuously show five second clips of absurd things. I didn't even see your banana post.
I don't want to talk about the watermelon incident...
Oh please. Sure, you didn't.
And how bad can the whole watermelon thing have been? Surely not worse than the chainsaw incident. Or the pennies one. Or various other embarrassing stories you've made up about yourself.
And don't worry. It can't be worse than what I once caught a guy doing with a dragonfruit.