You get the idea, we all do it. This is the part of the relationship where we’re happy and we just let it all hang out. She’s ours now, there’s no need to prove anything to anyone; the fear of losing her is gone and with that the constantly trying to impress her goes up in smoke just as fast. Perhaps you’ve taken to walking around in your boxers and letting your weight slip a bit, you dominate the TV when the football is on, and there’s nothing quite like a long game of Call of Duty on the games console whilst she’s doing other things. What was she doing again? You can’t remember, but you remember her saying something about something or other, but it’s all good. She’s let you relax, let it all hang out and have fun.
If you think your partner has absolutely no complaints about you then think again. In fact the less you think about it I bet the more she’s complaining about it and I’ll tell you why
Women hate being doormats
Sounds silly right? Your one and only love, being treated as a doormat. You don’t do that! You never do that, but realistically that’s what us males do when we become happy and secure. We relax and ease off the pressure, and as men, it’s one of our biggest failings. I am no exception to this rule, and I’m always telling my wife,
“look, if I make you feel as if I’m taking advantage then please tell me.”
It’s important to me because I am prone to big bouts of laziness and indifference. I know sometimes she’ll be speaking to me, yet I’ll be responding with “uh huh” and “mm hmm” but not really taking in what she tells me or wants me to do. We aren’t great talkers in relaxed mode. I think every couple experiences this from time to time.
Luckily there are things that you can do to keep it alive so that she isn’t running for the nearest exit, or man that will actually listen to her and take her seriously!
Ask her to be honest with you
Let’s be honest, no-one is a mind reader and if our other half isn’t communicating how she feels then we’ll just plod along thinking that nothing is wrong. I get my wife to tell me openly and honestly when she starts to feel anything negative about me. It may hurt for me to hear it, but that’s my problem, and I need to make a better effort to make life easier and more enjoyable for her. The same goes with you my friend! Don’t be keeping anything to yourself. I mean you can’t be asking her to be open and honest whilst you’re not.
Always make time for each other
Remember when you both would go out on a weekly basis, wine and dine each other? Whisper sweet nothings then come home and fuck each others brains out? What happened there? And why isn’t it still happening? One of the biggest relationship fails is letting the romance go dead after a while. Sure, you may have kids or extra responsibilities but never let that distract you from what’s important. Take her for that moonlit walk along the countryside path as you watch the stars twinkle in their beautifully bright glory, take her that surprise spa visit or tickets to the event she always wanted to go to. Stop being a boring dud. She joined with you because you were fun and exciting, never let that relax.
Start as you mean to go on
When I first met Natalie I would bring her freshly cut flowers every week. I think it was on a Wednesday. Her absolute favourites are daisies, and without fail, on a Wednesday I’d come home with daisies for her. I’d still be doing this if it weren’t for our son having an affliction to loving to knock things off shelves and tables. We’d have a lot of nice things in this house if it weren’t for that, but alas, you need to make do with the tools that you have. Do everything you did at the start of the relationship and she’ll love you for it. Natalie has a broken back and there was a time where I’d bend down and tie her shoe laces. I stopped it eventually, and it’s a major gripe of hers that I don’t do that anymore. Time to start doing it again methinks!
Listen to her
Frankly, this is a biggy. I’m a frequent offender of this too. Open your ears, listen to what she’s telling you. If she isn’t happy then sort it for her. If she wants you to do something then do it for her, don’t just sit there and tell her “sure” whilst never budging an inch to do anything different. Women are emotional beings, they want to know that they are being listened to, and if you’re not, this is a surefire way to potentially drive her to the exit or into the arms of another man.
Allow her to be herself
Listen, we all know that you love the football, or the motor racing, or the golf, or whatever craze that you are into right now, but nothing says I bloody love you than giving up what you’re doing for an hour or two to just do the things that she wants. Perhaps she wants to watch Easties and have a cuddle, or she wants to talk to you about her exciting time out at [random exciting thing], switch that damn TV, games console, phone off, open your ears and let her in. Give up some of your fun times so that you can spend time with hers. Involve yourself in her life, get interested in what she’s doing. Ok, I’m not saying be a clingy bastard, but she’ll love it if you take an interest into what she’s up to, especially if you’re giving up what you like for a moment to give her that time.
Create a safe place
Above all create a safe place for her. People should learn how to do this by default. A safe space is basically an environment where she can feel free to talk to you without any judgement whatsoever, and that you’ll always take her side whatever she does. Everyone needs a safe space so that they can be heard, everyone. Even the hardest battle hardened military nut needs a safe space so that he feels he can talk somewhere openly and honestly. Make sure hers is ultra safe. She’ll love you to bits for it, especially if she feels she can talk to you about how she feels that you are taking advantage of her without you shooting her down in flames.
Final thoughts
And that’s it for now. I don’t think I can think of anything else. I hope this was useful! Do all these and you should be on the verge of a very happy and prospering relationship 🙂
Great Post! love your work! Just followed man!
Thanks dude :)
Good points. Yeah, I'm guilty but I'm trying.
Same, it's all we can do. Try
My answer is always 'boys will be boys'. I happy that I don't get slapped too often. Have a good day.
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STOPNicely explained and will keep those words in mind
nicely done buddy
Yeah, that’s theoretically right, and practically nearly impossible to be done. Men either ought to do all this toil not being interested much in or be dudes you describe but I think in both cases men will eventually see their sweetheart moving to the exit to lay back in the arms of another man;-) Praps , Guns and Roses sing about it
Source:
Am I the first female comment? After having a short fight over exactly this a few hours ago this is feeling so close to home. I do feel like the person who is supposed to be my partner doesn't listen to a damn thing I have to say and can be largely dismissive when I try to talk about my feelings on the subject- and it does completely suck to feel like the your other half doesn't want the same connection as you. It is impossible to be perfect, I'm sure not. But what anyone can do is acknowledge these types of patterns and be MINDFUL so that you be more aware of these moments when they are happening. That's my two cents from the other side :)
Kuit