One that I really enjoy chatting with too.
I'll always call myself a feminist; truth be told I really love being in the presence of other women. I enjoy their very being, what it is to be a woman and what that means. I just love them. Most of my friends are women and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
My feminist friend wanted to talk to me about male issues, mainly because I write for men, or with my writing I try to reach men. I can't profess to write for women because I have no idea how women think. I mean I have an idea, but I really am not a woman so I can't pretend to say that I know how a woman feels in any situation, because I just don't. Period. Anyway, my friend wanted to see me write on some issues that men face that are being swept under the carpet, that we call grey area but should it really be grey area at all? I must admit, I was intrigued, it's unusual that I meet someone that's openly prepared to talk with me on the male struggle and how the scales are tipped one way on certain issues but entirely the other way on others.
Firstly, we talked about incubation, and the fact that some women knowingly trick men into being sperm donors, and some go a step further and have them fund their entire lives until the child is 18. I knew one chap whose wife dumped him shortly after they had a little daughter and proceeded to milk him for every penny he had whilst she shacked up with another man in his house. Of course, this is on the extreme scale of the spectrum but we shout about things like rape culture from the rooftops, and for me, this is something we need to start tackling too. Men are literally being shafted left right and centre for their monies, and their livelihood. We could argue that he should have worn a condom, but that's the same type of victim blaming we hear from men that say 'oh, she shouldn't have dressed so provocative then'
Men have it tough. We are cuddled by our mothers and then we go into school and our teachers tell us things like, "Crying doesn't work in this class." The older that we get our friends laugh at us when we cry, but that’s to distract themselves from the fact they sobbed in a cupboard the night before. Enough time passes and we learn to keep our feelings tight to our chests. It's why men don't open up. It's why we're seeing a massive swing in Feminism, and men that support Feminism because it's the cool thing to do, but very little are standing up for men. Those that do are burned down and chastised. I have to be very careful with what I type, I can't tell it like how it is else followers would lose faith, I have to dance around eggshells, but I'm honestly getting tired of it. I really am.
Listen, my Dad was an utter cunt. I know the depravity of men. I've lived it and nearly became it. I was raised by my Mum and I was taught to love women. But Jesus, it doesn't take a scientist to see that men are suffering too. I watched a video a couple of days back where men were peacefully protesting for men's rights and Feminists were spitting and calling them Nazis. Are men robots now? Do we exist in a life with zero problems? No, I just think it's a select few that fail to understand there's an existence outside their own bubble and give women a bad name for it, or feminism a bad name for it. My friend argued, well, are they really feminists though? They just sound like angry women to me. She was right, angry women spoiling life for everyone else because they fail to understand that their experiences are not absolute. I fucking hate absolutists :) I think I posted that many moons ago.
I'd rather not make this into a male versus female post because this wasn't my intention. I firmly believe that in an ideal situation we should support one another. Having each other’s back. If something isn't right for one then the other should step up and vice versa. We're NOT seeing that right now, under no accounts, and it saddens me. I want to see more men open up. I want more men to explore the hidden depths of their souls and shout their turmoil for all to see. We all have them. Every one of us, a victim, and guilty, no-one is perfect. I have been both sides of the coin too, a victim, and guilty, and maybe one day I'll blog about either on here for your amusement.
Maybe it's time we just grew up a bit? Maybe it's time to start working with each other, rather than blaming and creating a divide? Nothing ever gets resolved when one side is pushing against the grain. Togetherness happens when peace is made and talks happen and compromises are thought up. Call me an idealist but I hate all this division. I am a firm believer in progression through collaboration, where people bounce of each other to get ahead. I know, that's an ideal situation for me, but why is it so hard to achieve this?
I'm just an idealist at heart. We are many, many years away from this.
Thanks for reading :)
These days feminists are taking things too far. Initially feminism was about equal rights. And I am totally for that! BUT these days women want to get the best from both words - they want to be independent, strong, equal and all... and at the same time they want the man to pay, to open the door and to hold their coats...
I personally look at people as human beings. NOt representatives of certain race, gender or nationality. Then it is so much simpler... it's either a great person to be around or not...
After all we are the average of 5 people we spend the most time with )
Funny you should say that. I just wrote about that 10 minutes ago. How to adapt in this changing society a man must be strong and confident whilst at the same time soft and smushy. You're right, but I do think we as men can achieve that :)
you (i.e. men) are much better than feminists and women in general think )
lol. I'm not too sure about that, I mean I know a lot of outstanding women out there :)
it's not about how good we-women are... it's about how bad most of us think you-men are lol
Ohhh, good point! lol
Gosh another insightful and teaching post. I too agree we don't have to be on opposite sides for healing to begin. The starting place for this revolution to really understand each other? I'm thinking... your writing. To hear a man's take on common struggles has been incredibly healing.
I'm really pleased to hear that my words are helping others. It's what I intended for with my writing. People say I'm almost one of a kind with my writing because no other men write as deep as I do. I find myself in communities of women ALL the time haha
I guess a congratulations is in order? LOL :)
Captivated by every word you wrote. Hit home for me when you said, She was right, angry women spoiling life for everyone else because they fail to understand that their experiences are not absolute.
We can't control how other people think or act, nor can we help how we feel about a situation. We do, however, have control how we act and think about it.
This is a great reminder of that. Look forward to hearing more from you :)
It's a shame really. My wish is that we don't see each other's problems as an opposing force, but more so something that we can tackle together
It is a good wish and with you thinking and acting that way it will make a small difference. A small difference to us may seem insignificant, but eventually will have greater affect.
Don't lose hope!
I do feel young men especially are in a very difficult place, society has not caught up to the fact that women can earn as much as men, and the law assumes the man works and the woman is a homemaker; the law also assumes children should go to the mother if there is any divorce: Men basically lose everything.
I also think feminism has made it a requirement for men to be sensitive and caring, while larger society still expects men to be hard-as-nails unfeeling robots.
I'm not blaming feminists or feminism, but there needs to be more recognition that we are in transition.
I wrote a post on that a few weeks ago. How men need to adapt to the changing ideals of women. To be a successful man today, one needs to be a balance between sensitive and caring, but also tough when the situation arises. It's not a bad thing really, because it's a nice balance.
I think for young men its confusing, what is the male role model now? What rights of passage do they follow to assume the mantle of a man?
You're right. It's super confusing. At the beginning a man must show no vulnerability. Vulnerability is mocked at school, and kids are bullied into conformity. Then when we leave school and look for work and a mate, it turns out women value vulnerability and we have to spend years undoing what the popular kids smashed us into submission with. It's messed up!
I'm doing my best to raise a young man who can navigate himself this increasingly confusing world. I can see how tough men have it these days. I hope I am raising one who understands the importance of mutual respect, honest communication, and togetherness. Those angry feminists drive me absolutely insane btw.
Your boy seems a well together young man. Single motherhood is no easy feat. When he matures he'll think back to all of your struggles through life and have more empathy for the plight of women. I was raised by just Mum, and I sort of think that was a unique perspective of learning from a woman in her raw sense, without any male interventions. It was tough, being just me and Mum but I look back and think, well, that situation was a bit of a gift for me for future interactions with women :)
It's not all hard, trust me! I'm sure you're doing the best you can with what you have. :)
As a woman nearing 70 years on the planet and having had a career in a very male dominated field ( computer repair). I see the pendulum swinging from one extreme to the opposite extreme. I am truly amazed at the vitriol being expressed at men, where is this coming from? The best work situations were always where we supported each other as a team with a common goal to do the best for the company and our self. Yes, I worked with some men who were jerks but I also worked with women who were just as bad.
I have stopped watching main stream news, much of this hate seems to be coming from that source...hummm...almost like there is an agenda behind it.
I feel it's a bit of a conundrum we're finding ourselves in. It's hard to speak up about the injustices of women, I have to tackle it very carefully. Yet it's far easier to talk about how men can be arseholes, I can just go right out and tell it like it is, no holds barred.
It's almost as if some women are running away with this idea that all men are this bad force and are powerless to stop themselves, but no-one is there to keep them in check. The media jump on the bandwagon, as do some men, because it's easier to talk about injustices than face your own hardships.
Also, women band together in times of pain, they talk about it and support each other. Men do not and we really need to learn from that.
I talked to my feminist teacher today, to my surprise she's not against MRAs and agrees that both sexes have problems, no patriarchy stuff.