Oh boy, 16 years? From what you said about having occasional success I'm guessing your vaginismus isn't the most severe. Correct me if I'm wrong. But even so, that's such a long time to have this problem.
I can't speak to your motivations, but from what I've read it seems as if a lot of people try to just deal with it by not dealing, by accepting a less-than-adequate sex life. They accept that this is just the way they are and it will never be perfect.
Whereas those who try to address the problem through the use of dilators (accompanied by some sort of instruction like in the vaginismus.com treatment kit or sex therapy if they can afford it) have such a high success rate.
For some, success only takes weeks, for others it's months or maybe even a couple years. But there is almost always success. My advice to you is not to settle for painful and/or infrequent sex. Try to get help and address the problem head-on.
Thanks for your comment and good luck to you :)
Thank you! Yes it's most likely not the most severe case but it is pretty bad. I think I fall into the category of the dealing with the less than adequate sex life. I guess we just are both used to it. I really should take some steps to get it addressed better. It helps that my husband and I are super close and he is very undersanding. Don't think we could've made it 16 years and counting if not. Good luck to you guys as well!
It takes a lot of love, patience and communication from both sides in order to make a relationship work with this problem. It sounds like you two have a great marriage. I wish you all the best and hope that you do end up taking steps to achieving a cure.