Yesterday old wounds ripped open. I had thought they were long gone.
The pain seared into my soul, leaving a shell behind.
A baby rabbit with his foot caught in a trap screamed inside my head.
I hide it well.
I have had lots of practice hiding behind a mask. I reverted to what was the norm.
Luckily, most of the feeling is gone from my right leg. It made the first thirty minutes a leisurely game of hide how you really feel inside my head.
The second thirty minutes broke me. I wasn't ready for the gush of memories and pain to swallow me whole and not spit me out even to breathe.
We hit all the best emotions during those thirty minutes.
Pain and I are best friends, so that was not a surprise.
Deep disgust showed me who the boss was. They became angry, though, because I did not let it show.
Caring went out the window after four minutes. They knew they were being crushed and beaten beyond what was conceivable. They covered their head while hoping to survive as a spark. Their lessons would start again if the host made it out alive.
Shame had a field day rubbing salt into all the open wounds it could find. I can still hear the tiny evil laughter they left behind.
The onlooker showed no compassion for what they saw even though they could have done their job with less gusto and had the same results. They waited until forty minutes had passed to tease me with this news. I knew then they did not see a human lying near them.
Made even more apparent when they never offered help or my cane, which was a step away, while I struggled past the pain to sit up.
Grabbing my cane, my body hunched over to protect what was left. I put one foot before the other with as much dignity as possible.
I made it home.
I am not in one piece yet.
The trial is familiar.
It will be walked once again.
I will come out the victor.
There is no other choice.
Help someone smile today. It can not hurt you.
Snook
Thumbnail: Image by Sachin Mittal from Pixabay
All photos are mine unless otherwise stated.
You are stronger than everything in your life. You're an overcomer and a victor.
These things will try to break you but you're so much bigger than they all are, my friend.
You are a rock to all those who need you and you shoulder so much.
Running to you now for some cuddles.
I might need to read this a time or two.
HUGS!
don't forget that special mantra we have!!!
say that too hehehe
i love you!!!
Indeed.. Nicely done. 😃
And what gives with the big ass ladle? Is that your new whipping tool? Did ya retire the cane? Asking for a friend.
HA! keeping the cane :D
That ladle is not allowed on my island.
You are among the people I love reading as you don't hide behind any of it. We are made of it and to see more people admit it hurts when it does just makes it better somehow.
I hope by the time it lets go of your body, your drunk feet will find a way to remain grounded and stable in knowing you are more than the colour of your pain.
Thank you!! Your words me a ton to me!!
No one's life is perfect. All life has pain. To think a person can go through life with out pain is .... not smart. If anything you will have more pain then most while you try and figure out why your life isn't perfect.
Just reading this made my soul lighter and smile!!!!
Thank YOU so much!
Now I don't know much about how FM actually "works".
What I'm understanding here is that there are "flare ups"? And that you had one yesterday?
But you mention memories here. That's really interesting! To me because you know. I like to look under the hood.
If you're up for it it'd be very worthwhile (possibly) remembering those memories. You'd have to "tap" or summink and do it slowly to not embed stuff.
But those emotions? I've a strong suspicion they're the ones you may need to grieve to avoid more flare ups?
May I send a voice note with some guidance on how to do some trauma recovery on your own at your own pace?
Only if and when you think you may find such a thing relevant or useful for your journey. Of course.
p.s. interesting this happened after your new art exploration, huh? Quite a coincidence
Sending love, S. I hope you're feeling better soon 💓
Thank you Nicky!
and yes, have already been looking under the hood and seeing a lot of familiar faces.
And I know why it happened.
We are talking about old friends I had spent way too much useless time with in my younger days.
But in the end it's about people not seeing those right in front of them. And others judging people without knowing them.
It never hurts to try and learn new things. Thank you for the offer. I would like to hear what you have to say. As of right now I can not promise to follow it. but then again I can not promise to breath tomorrow.
Thank you so much for offering help!!
hugs!
ps. I wrote this after waking up 3 minutes ago so keep that in mind while reading :D
Meh... I don't judge. You never have to apologise around here. Honest!
KK. Also super packed with buzzyness here so as we go then. There's no rush. As you know, things unfold as they do and just right!
Keep following the white rabbit! :D
Sending peace and energy (!) to you today <3 👣
How could someone see another in need of help and not help? I feel terrible for you, I would have given everything in me to help someone in pain.
!ALIVE
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Because they only see what is on the outside. Plus it is easier to not see a fellow human than it is.
There is nothing for some to gain by being nice?
IDK.... but I agree with you 100%
I just can't do this, I would die trying to help someone. I am so sorry this happened to you. Our town is growing so fast and we are now getting all sorts of people so it would not surprise me to see this type in my area. This might sound trivial to you but until a few years ago, when you passed another boat on the river you always waved at each other. Now it is rare to see 5 boats wave out of 30.
NO, it is NOT. THIS needs to stop being the normal. You have every right to be worried.
We all should be worried.
To me there is...
To see the smile on a persons face and know they ok.
THAT is reward enogh for me... I gain the good feeling by being Nice 😜 selfish me... Lol
But I hear you... To many of them asses out there.
I only help if I get something back, they are never gonna grow up or see the beauty in humanity ❤️
oh, Snook... my lovely... I'm so sorry. This sounds like a truly awful experience😢I hope that you are feeling a little better. People's lack of kindness and empathy really astounds me sometimes. This post made me want to cry. Sending you so much love. Big HUGS!!!
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Thank You Sam <3
I will take those hugs and all the love and peak at it when needed most.
slow down, take your time to heal, life isnt easy but somethings are worth it, find some familiar and try to be accompanied, bad times dont last forever, you are really strong and will overcome this as you have done all your life.
Not exactly what I want to say, but along the same lines.
And this:
Both hit home.
Thank you for listening.
I've been thinking of the right thing to say to this since last night... But there isn't one. The idea of you experiencing cruelty kills me, it makes me wish I could be there. Or at LEAST pop over later for tea and to listen...
It makes me want to hug you tight, like the first time I saw you irl 🤗 WAIT IM NOT DONE YET kind of hug. You are loved, and resilient, and brave. You have so many of us rooting for you, thinking of you... and ready with canes of our own if need be. 😑😎😂
❤️🤗
I could just copy your whole comment and tell you I LOVE YOU.
but this part...
Had me crying AND laughing seeing it in my head :D
Love you little one!!! THANK YOU for being YOU!
I hope everything will be fine and living with pain is terrible.
One thing I know is that after a storm, the sun always comes out
it does. This sunrise is slow but it is going in the correct direction!
You got me smiling