It's July.
Last year in July, my world changed forever.
What I thought would be a lot of work for a month turned into a year of Hell on Earth.
I am getting less and less healthy. My body is breaking down faster and faster. I have fewer days where my mind and body are well enough to do anything.
I promised to go to new doctors two years ago and find answers. I want to make someone fix what has broken in my body and mind for so long. Just as I started that process, I had to go to Florida to help my Mother for four and a half months. I was dead when I got home. It took me a year to recover from those four and a half months. I told my Mother I was never going back to Florida again and that she had to move back to Wisconsin. She did not believe me.
I went back to old doctors who do not look for answers but make it so I can have a few days a week where I can think. I knew I needed to try to find health answers again, but everywhere around me were things I had to put on hold and now needed to do.
July of 2023 came. My Mother ended up in the Hospital in Florida. She called to tell me this and said I didn't need to go down there and help. In the background, I could hear her neighbor yelling that yes, my Mom needed help, and of course, I could fly down to help.
I explained again that I wasn't kidding when I said I would never go to Florida again. When she left the hospital and returned home, she needed to look at all the places I had sent her information no and find a place to live in Wisconsin. She had her way and had stayed too long in Florida alone.
Lucky for her, they didn't have to do surgery, and she went back to her Florida home with a clean bill of health.
Mom was flying to Wisconsin last August to go on a trip with her sister. I told my Mother to get her house on the market before she got here in August.
August came, and so did my Mother.
She wasn't well. After she landed, one of the first things we did was go to Urgent Care and get her legs looked at. She had open wounds on both her legs that had not healed in four years. They had almost been healed when I had left two years before but were worse now than ever.
Her house sold in three days. My son and beautiful daughter-in-law flew up from Colombia, South America, and oversaw the packing. They then drove Mom's car to Wisconsin with all the essential and priceless things for me. They were there when the movers dropped off all the boxes. They unboxed everything they could and set the apartment up as best as possible to look like her house in Florida. If not for them, I would still be unpacking Mom's stuff. They earned their halos that August.
Mom made it on her trip with her sister and had a ball. She also made it on a trip with her old friend for a week up north. When she returned from her last trip, her apartment was ready, except she went to the ER because she fell early one morning while at my house.
From that day on, we have been to the ER more than six times. She has been in the Hospital six times. She has been in a rehab place twice? Maybe three times. I lost track of that.
Mom had one major stroke. She was malnourished. She had open, bone-deep wounds on both legs. She has a rare blood cancer that was not treated correctly while in Florida. She needed a heart procedure so she would not have a stroke again because she could not take blood thinners from having a brain bleed years ago, which ended with her having a shunt in her head that drained the fluid from her brain into her stomach.
Each week over the last year has been filled with doctor visits. Most weeks, we had three visits a week I had to drive her to. Just as I thought we were moving forward, something else health-wise would happen to my Mother. We made more doctor appointments to deal with the newest health issue.
Through it all, I had to give up writing, drawing, painting, and much more. Running to all these appointments drains me each week, and I sit and cry as I watch the piles form around me and have no energy to deal with them.
On the bright side, as of right now, Mom's blood cancer is under control with the new medicine she has to inject into her body once a week. The side effect of the new medicine is her bloodwork number is perfect! She needs to rest the day she gives herself the shot each week, and last, she gets a horrible itching rash all over her body.
Last week, we saw the Dermatologist, and so far, the medicine and creams are working well to stop her from itching until her skin bleeds. Knock on wood; this keeps working. Resting and taking it easy one day a week will not hurt anyone. Just do not make plans that day.
The Watchman heart surgery has healed perfectly, and we do not have to see her heart doctor for another six months. Her legs finally healed, and each night, for one hour, she had to put on a huge black leg sleeve connected to a machine that massaged her legs to keep the blood flowing so the open sores would not come back.
She finally feels like her apartment is home—mostly. She is finally making friends where she lives and interacting with many people there. That makes me feel better than her, but I will take it.
I am tired.
I miss writing.
I miss making stories.
I miss drawings.
I miss painting and coloring.
I miss being able to see the top of my desk.
I miss spending my good days creating.
It's been a horrible last year, but next month, we are only looking at three doctor appointments for Mom so far. Three in one month I can handle.
Now I just need some time to rest—real rest and a clean desk with no piles of stuff around me.
It will come in time.
I can not believe otherwise.
Help someone smile today. It can not hurt you.
Snook
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I completely get the hospital visits and how illness can become a full-time job. I live with cancer. No matter what find moments of joy for yourself in each day. Write or draw something, we call it "writing dirty" in that it doesn't had to be good. In fact we give ourselves permission to write or draw badly. It's very liberating, even if it's just for 5 minutes. Best of luck for this year and hope your mom gets even better.
You give perfect advice and I am trying to make the time to do something creative each day if only for a few minutes and it always makes me smile.
Thank you!!
Your story is so difficult to manage but I hope you will. 😊😊 Fighting! As they always say, everything has a reason.😊
I agree that everything has a reason. I am happy Mom is here now and getting back to being healthy so she can enjoy her life and in turn we can enjoy each other
It's good to know too.😊 Enjoy your day together with your mother.😊
It feels sad reading all of this Snook. Life is really difficult 😥
yes life is but then on the days you get a DM from this lovely person is there and they make you smile and feel loved and you realize life is all about ups and downs. Each day does have good in it. You just have to open your eyes to see it.
HUGE HUGS!
You're very special and beautiful ❤️. Love you 💕
I love you too!!!!
Oh Snook… I cannot imagine. It is so hard to care for the people we love, and so hard to look out for ourselves at the same time. And no one imagines life will put them in this position to have to choose between one’s self and the person/people we love most.
I hope the coming year brings you some kind of peace or at least an easier routine you can count on. 💛💛
so true!!! so very true. but we do and find small things each day to make us laugh and lighten our days.
Thanks for your comment. You get it and that helps me too.
It’s really sad. I just hope you have enough time to rest. It can be draining going from hospital to hospital
Sorry about that and I hope things go well with you on the long run
August should become a good rest month for me. My Mom is going with friends and family to a few places so that will help too.
Thanks for stopping and sorry to make you sad but I needed to write about it to get it out of my mind.
I'm so sorry to hear how challenging this last year has been for you and I'm glad your mom is getting better! I can't imagine how hard it's been for you not to be able to create. My wife and I have had a similar year. She started getting really sick last November and has continued to get worse. It's dumbfounded all the doctors, even at the Mayo Clinic. As best they can tell it's long Covid symptoms. We went from traveling the world to existing mainly within the walls of our tiny condo and hospitals/doctor visits. I thank God for my writing, it's saved me. I hope the muse visits you soon. Creating will help you feel a lot better. Have you seen Rick Rubin's book on creativity? It's helped me tremendously.
Thank YOU!!
The Book is on order as I write this!
I am also sorry to hear about your Wife. Not knowing is a killer to your brain.
My pleasure! I hope the book helps you as much as it did me. It'll be one I keep with me and reread. Thank you! Yes, the not knowing is one of the most difficult things.
Oh Snook, sounds like a super rough year. I hope it improves... It does seem like it might 💓
it is getting better. Slowly but it does help to write it all out to see how far we have come.
Hive catharsis at its finest 💓
🤗 I'm really hoping things continue to improve for you. I miss creative Snook, too. Unfortunately, life's plans for us don't always match our own.
One of my highlights this year was getting to meet you. 😊
Do you know I have used your recipe about 10 times now and gave it away to a bunch of people too :D
and yes, THAT was a HUGE highlight of my year!!!!
I'm so happy to hear that!
Life can be really tough and sad, you just gotta keep your head up and high okay. You also
Need to believe you’ll be fine and leave the rest to God okay. Just try your best to do things that make you smile okay.
Thank You!!! I will.
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Hoping for your fast recovery 🥰
thank you!!
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