Image Source: Mark Manson's Website
Introduction
Recently I joined an online reading group.
I think this is a great way to get more out of your reading as well as finding new books you might not otherwise read.
This is how I found "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson.
Ordinarily the title alone would put me off as a kind of attempt at literary clickbait.
That would have been a shame as this book was a big surprise and well worth the read.
It is rare for me to read a book and feel compelled to write a review of it.
My Review
There are many self-help books making all sorts of promises about changing your life.
Most of them appear to have been written by self appointed new-age gurus who spout re-spun eastern philosophy in a way that suggests they only have the barest and most superficial understanding of the subject.
This book is different.
Unlike those "gurus" Manson does not try to present himself as some kind of messianic figure who knows the solution to everything.
-Far from it.
Indeed one of the central points is that he is absolutely not perfect.
Manson is quite open on how he previously swallowed the modern "Cool-Aid" about what is supposed to bring value to our lives.
He learned for himself, as some of us eventually do, that much of this is based on lies, misunderstandings and flawed thinking.
The "not giving a f*ck" in the title refers to all the things that we are indoctrinated into caring about but we really shouldn't because they are empty.
This includes the idea that one must always seek pleasure in every aspect of life - a kind of hedonistic absolutism.
This is one of the strange underlying themes of modern society and also the self help movement.
"Do this" and you will have more money, more things, more sex, more drugs, more status.
Tied to this idea is the belief that somehow by having more of everything - fundamentally pursuing more external pleasures - we will somehow reach a contented "problem-free state".
In many cases they are simply selling you what you want to hear (or at least what you think you want to hear).
Manson points out why this doesn't work using his own personal experiences and some famous (and not so famous) examples.
One major problem he highlights is that constantly seeking external pleasures is a never-ending pursuit.
If pleasure is the sole purpose of your existence you will never be satisfied.
Pleasure on it's own is rarely ultimately satisfying, neither is it healthy. It just breeds a desire for more pleasure. This is called the "hedonic treadmill".
When viewed in an evolutionary perspective, pleasure exists as a means to keep us alive. It is a reward that comes at the end of pain and of struggle.
It exists so that we achieve things in our lives (and also stay alive). On it's own it is meaningless and empty leading to addiction.
From my own personal experiences with food and alcohol - I know how true this is.
Further, in my own professional life as a doctor, I have seen this play out multiple times in my patients too.
That is why addiction, be it for drugs, shopping, sex, gambling or whatever is so damaging.
It cuts out the pain and the struggle to get straight to pleasure.
Without the work the pleasure has no meaning, no context - there is no achievement.
This is not just based on personal anecdote though.
Much of what Manson is putting forth in this book is confirmed by modern neuroscience and psychological research.
Manson's great skill here is his ability to put forth concepts which might otherwise be quite dull into a form that is easily digestible.
I have read some rather sneering views of this book from people who seem to be taking offence that this book is providing psychological (and in some respects philosophical ideas) in a way that is insufficiently wordy or difficult to understand.
There seems to be a distinct degree of condescension in their criticism.
It is as if they are expecting this book to provide them with a university level thesis or they will not be satisfied.
I feel that these people may be unknowingly revealing their own insecurities.
Perhaps they are afraid that if they like something written in such a "mainstream" and easily accessible way they will lose their "intellectual" sheen.
Maybe they just define themselves as being contrarians and take a dim view of any book that might be deemed too "popular".
Either way they are trapped into giving too much of a "f*ck" about what other people think and likely don't even realise it.
By doing so they have completely missed the point of the book.
It is ironic that the message in this case is falling on "deaf ears" which are simultaneously illustrating one of the very points Manson is describing.
I read a lot of non fiction books and few are as enjoyable to read as this one.
If you think you already "know it all" - you will probably not enjoy this book.
You are either at the wrong stage of your life to understand it or worse still are of the mindset that will never get it.
Maybe you are the first person in history who is truly infallible and omniscient.
Or maybe you just need to believe that because you give too many f*cks about things which are not important.
Favourite Quotes
There are so many great quotes it hard to choose just a few. I suspect everyone will have different ones that really appeal to them. Here are some of mine:
On the perception of problems and avoiding negative experiences:
"Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience."
"Our society today, through the wonders of consumer culture and hey-look-my-life-is-cooler-than-yours social media, has bred a whole generation of people who believe that having these negative experiences—anxiety, fear, guilt, etc.—is totally not okay."
"Back in Grandpa’s day, he would feel like sh*t and think to himself, “Gee whiz, I sure do feel like a cow turd today. But hey, I guess that’s just life. Back to shovelling hay.” "
"If you find yourself consistently giving too many fcks about trivial sht that bothers you—your ex-boyfriend’s new Facebook picture, how quickly the batteries die in the TV remote, missing out on yet another two-for-one sale on hand sanitizer—chances are you don’t have much going on in your life to give a legitimate f*ck about. And that’s your real problem. Not the hand sanitizer. Not the TV remote."
"Warren Buffett’s got money problems; the drunk hobo down at Kwik-E Mart’s got money problems. Buffett’s just got better money problems than the hobo. All of life is like this."
"True happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving."
On the idea that nobody should ever challenge your opinions or disagree with you:
"The more freedom we’re given to express ourselves, the more we want to be free of having to deal with anyone who may disagree with us or upset us."
"People get addicted to feeling offended all the time because it gives them a high; being self-righteous and morally superior feels good."
On the futility of waiting for motivation to strike:
"Action isn’t just the effect of motivation; it’s also the cause of it."
"If you lack the motivation to make an important change in your life, do something — anything, really — and then harness the reaction to that action as a way to begin motivating yourself. I call this the “do something” principle."
Win A Copy of the Book
I'm going to be giving away a copy of the book to one commenter (assuming it is available in your country).
In order to win you need to do the following:
- Share this post on Twitter or Facebook.
- Comment with a link to your share on other social media.
- Say why you would like to win the book - this will help me to pick a winner, beyond just making it random.
- I will choose the winner after midnight GMT on Saturday 18th of March.
- Please make sure you are able to receive the book in your country.
- I will ask the winner to DM me with further details to receive the prize.
- If you are not in a country where the book is available you can nominate another user who is to receive the prize.
Re-Steems are always appreciated (but not mandatory)!
Also let me know if you recently read a really good non fiction book that resonated with you.
Thank you for reading
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Definitely one of my favorite reads!!! It changed my life for the better!!!!! So glad you found it!!! :D
Cool glad I am not the only one here that has read and found it helpful:)
Nice book to get some lost motivation refilled and much more important - that u are in the position to value how powerful the f*** is so .. take it easy :) BTW i've combined another book with "the subtle …" . u
Ego is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent
https://books.google.nl/books/about/Ego_is_the_Enemy.html?id=pOh5CwAAQBAJ&source=kp_cover&redir_esc=y&hl=de
Thanks I will check it out am always on the lookout for new things to read!
Thanks for sharing this enlightening book with us. I have the feeling, from the quotes I read, that many would greatly win from reading and, more importantly, apply the messages shared with us through this book.
Namaste :)
Thank you so much mate:)
That is funny!
Motivation has never been a thing I worried about, but I hear it a lot. People think that they shall look for motivation before they start. But the only thing that really motivates is solving the problems at hand. That is why children learn so fast, computers for example. If you can trial and error, you will learn, if you have to see thing in perspective first you will never move one inch, because perspective comes after.
As the two cartoonists I met at this venue said: If you want to learn to make a comic, you have to make one.
Very good point. Sadly a lot of people get frozen waiting for more motivation to come. As Manson points out in the book - the true motivation will be created once you start.
If you want to know how to do something, just start doing it. Which is exactly what those cartoonists told you:
Get the ball rolling, exactly
Exactly and I have found this myself from personal experience.
I've read his travel blog for many years now - he is a fun writer. An excellent presentation of the man himself.
Thank you. I was not aware of him before joining the book group. I will follow him now though:)
Your reward for being in
Promotedis an upvote and 0.026 SBD extra promotion.Good job, keep your contents promoted! :)
Thank you:)
Awesome book! Period. Great review.
Thank you - have you read it? It is well worth it!
you just motivated me to buy this book !!
Cool! I don't think you will be disappointed!
Great review! Since I know you've listened to my podcast before, I thought you might like to know that I interviewed the author of this book, Mark Manson.
It's one of my favorite episodes, and touches on the themes in the book.
Thank you so much - it means so much coming from you. Yes I listen to your podcast regularly (when I have time) - I already have that particular episode downloaded but haven't had a chance to listen yet - am a bit behind on my podcasts! I actually have all your shows downloaded to listen to - I tend to use podcasts to keep occupied when I am walking or working out - makes them flow much more easily and I learn something!
I think you may be onto something with the so-called academic's insecurity.
I can see the potential to be very useful for some in this book, so I'll give the post a resteem to raise awareness of the competition.
Thank you so much:) I think it is a really good book!
Yes. It definitely sounds it!
Great review! And great that you joined that reading group. I joined one in Russia too. But I always find the excuse not to read with them....(((((((
Thank you!
It is hard when you are busy:)
but possible..))
Shared on Twitter. I don't think i could give much of a fuck whether I win or not which surely must stand me in good stead ;0)
Take a look at @meesterboom's Tweet:
Disclaimer: I am just a bot trying to be helpful.
Hi @meesterboom - congratulations you won a copy of the book! - Could you please DM me in the chat with your address details? Unfortunately the UK Amazon store won't allow me to buy ebooks for another person (not yet anyway) so it will have to be a physical copy.
Aw wow, that's fantastic!! I will hop on to the chat at lunchtime or as soon as i get a chance, Cheers!!
Cool!
Lol. Thank you!
thank for sharing.
Resteem.!!
@thecryptofiend
Thank you:)
you're welcome
Sounds like a cool book. For me I would need one called "The subtle art of not giving a fck about stupid things except for the stupid things you choose to give a fck about because you're a wack job." For example. Yelling at the TV during a sporting event is really stupid, but I still love it.
But seriously I can see this as helping people if they are getting hung up on the frivolous stuff in life.
Yes and Manson is not suggesting that we should care about absolutely nothing - in fact he directly addresses this in the book. What he suggests is that we pay too much attention to less meaningful things simply because society has told us that they are important and it is taken as fact.
There is a limit to what we can pay attention to and care about. By refocusing our attention on what truly matters to us we avoid wasting our energy on things that ultimately don't make us happy.
One of the other problems he addresses is the fact that most of are not even sure what we truly want. That is why we are often stuck in pathological behaviours - the hedonic treadmill that psychologists refer to.
We keep pursuing the same pleasures and behaviours expecting a different outcome, when it doesn't come instead of reassessing the situation we just keep doing it expecting the next time will somehow be different.
This could also be seen as part of the basis for many addictive and dependent behaviours.
Exactly, & decide how meaningful or less u want to categorize ur current situation - its just a matter of definition IMO - Like "the glass is half full thingy. "
Absolutely. We don't always have the power to control the external situations in our life but we do have the ability to control how we respond to them.
"By refocusing our attention on what truly matters to us we avoid wasting our energy on things that ultimately don't make us happy."
That right there might be the key to happiness. Not kidding.
why i want to be happy all the day? IMO this would kill all productivity as u don't want to change this happy state - or at least i wouldn't want to change it .. anyway ..
Very true. Struggle makes us stronger. I'm just saying that it is wise to focus on those struggles that will actually lead to happiness. There are some challenges that you must face. But there are others that people focus on that they don't have to. I would say that being productive leads to happiness.
Very true. What Manson suggests is that some amount of discomfort, or unhappiness is productive as it spurs us into progress. If we were able to achieve happiness all the time as you say you quite possibly wouldn't want to do anything - again this is why certain drugs of abuse can be so harmful.
Yes quite possibly - I think in modern life we find all kinds of reasons not to do this though.
I think a lot of people avoid doing this because it is simply uncomfortable. Change is hard for people. They feel comfort in what they know even if it is having a negative impact on them. But all of this seems so simple when you are an outsider looking in on someone who is in crisis. A person in crisis can't see it.
Absolutely - I also think there is that old thing of it being a lot easier to see and analyse problems in others and not ourselves even when it isn't at crisis points!
I am "Not Giving a F*ck" :-) to win that book (and anyway I have no Facebook account), but I really enjoyed to read your review: some of the citations are just great (for example I love the "do something" principle) and made me think about what I have read (which is the most precious thing a book - or also its review - can achieve).
Maybe I will buy it one day, thanks for your great article!
This might be the best book review I've ever read. It's awesome to hear that the knowledge that people are waking up to is making it into the mainstream.
have kept coming across this book, though don't do too much reading these days... this review makes me wanna pick it up and give it a shot :-)
You should it is surprisingly good!